MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: 2008

CHRISTMAS GIFT OF LOVE

I deleted the picture of Santa with one hand holding a gun to his head and the other a bottle of scotch. Beneath that picture was a bunch of bipolar rants about my lack of Christmas spirit. I decided it was a disgrace to add to someone else's depression this time of year. I am trying to go more upbeat. I will put in a side article that is a sort of generic sounding piece about coping with holiday insomnia, anxiety and stress with honey. Harmless fluff that might help someone, and certainly better than looking at the food critic piece that's been there for some time while I was in my holiday funk. I am grateful for any reader who came back after I left up "My Thanksgiving" for a month. I didn't need to follow it with suicidal Santa. Okay, so right now my fake Christmas tree is parked on its side where it fell off its pedestal. It's wearing its second attempt at lights. It needs another go at it. It looks like Jackson Pollack sprinkled them on this time. Before that it looked like a little person without a stool or ladder put them on. I have no reason to mope. I can forget cleaning up this stall and focus on writing. Hooray! My daughter just told me I am welcome to hold my annual Christmas Eve dinner at her house. My high school best friend, who found me through Facebook after all these years, can just meet me in a restaurant. Things are definitely looking up. I am going out today to bid on jobs at Elance in earnest because it's okay if I win some. I'll have the time to write. I need E-book experience. I feel ready to write E-books and I did download a free how-to-write-an-E-book that is very helpful. Find out how to download this free excellent E-book that comes with a download for "How to Write a Press Release" E-book download here. Almost half the ads I see now at Elance are for writing E-books but they all want to know what books you're written previously. Not so easy to get those clips right away. It's just the kind of big project I need to shake this Christmas funk. My heart goes out to anyone with a Christmas funk. My advice: Let it all be. Pretend you're hospitalized this year and can't do anything but write from your bed. Let it all go. The cleaning, shopping, and the making yourself crazy. Your family knows you love them, and you can show it in other, simpler ways. Life is all too short to lose your stress and sanity because of one day out of the year. Keep the real meaning and just have love in your heart whatever you have to do to keep it glowing. Love, Maryellen

MY THANKSGIVING

"You know some mothers drink. It could be worse," I told my petulant 22-year-old daughter as she was driving me home, at her instigation, from what has to be called a lackluster performance at my brother's for Thanksgiving dinner. "I wish you did drink. At least you'd be awake. You'd be participating. It would be better" was her response. I don't mean to be a miserable old sot that embarrasses her children on social occasions. I do try not to dribble down my front as my heavy chin hangs down the front of my blouse. And I know I do that stir-crazy move. You know the one--the nodding person suddenly realizes she's asleep, shakes and stirs herself completely, sits a bit more upright, and goes right off into another nod. I am a miserable old mother. My vice? I write. I write all night long night after night, and then when holidays happen, and I must go out during the day among the living, I get caught in the glare of everyday reality. I am a writing junkie who just can't say "when". Okay I can try and say "when". But I know I'll do it again. I'm an addict. I'd rather write than sleep or even eat for that matter. Anyone who's been there can tell you it's useless to attempt questions to ease back into the conversation. They know you've been sitting there nodding off and they don't feel like helping. They just laugh at the ridiculousness of your question. "Why were the children baking their underwear?" "Go back to sleep, Mom." Laughter. "I'm sorry," I say now. "No you're not. You'll just do it again. You'll say you won't but you will." She knows me too well this daughter of mine. And I know her. And then it hits me why she's really pissed. She had a big job interview Tuesday. She tried to call and tell me about it and I didn't pick up. I hate the phone. I let the machine take the calls. If i don't hear my kids' voices, I don't bother going over to the phone. She called and didn't speak just so she could be the victim. The brat. I had thought the interview was Wednesday and when I did end up calling her a day late I caught some hell about not being there for her the day before. I've looked and the closest self-help group I can find online (of course, ) is Internet addicts. But that doesn't quite cover it. If I didn't have my Mac I suppose I'd be shaking out my wrist at three in the morning as I turned the pages of my spiral notebook, writing as furiously as I could. Do I have to go live in Las Vegas to be among my fellow time travelers of the night? I think all the noise and action would interfere with my concentration. If nothing else, the heat would keep me from writing. Oh, let me tell you though, my family and friends all have one answer to my problem and it's the same for all of them: Go to bed earlier and keep regular hours. Don't make me laugh. The writing genie only comes out to play at night. Who can concentrate with the neighbors listening to their televisions as though the sets were in another house adjacent to theirs? All the mundane stuff, the everyday trivial bits take up the daylight hours and leave the best time for writing.

FENG SHUI YOUR OFFICE SPACE

Here's one from my archives. Something to do over Thanksgiving to get those writer juices flowing more freely.

How do you feel when you enter your office at work or at home? Do you feel the way your body feels when it is uplifted with high energy from high negative ions in the forest after a good rain? Do you feel that sense of peace and well-being you get from walking on the beach at dawn? Or do you feel more like you have just entered solitary confinement in a falling down, filthy jail? Somewhere in between perhaps? Help is available.

Feng shui, the Asian art and science that unites energy, time, space, people and the environment can help you increase your work productivity and feel much better while you're working. It requires a few simple changes in your working environment.

Feng shui has been around for over 3,000 years in China. It consists of a complex body of knowledge that determines how to balance the energies in a space. It is based on Taoist vision and an understanding of nature and the idea that everything in it is alive.

Perhaps you would be surprised to learn that Donald Trump, Tiger Woods, Oprah Winfrey, Steven Spielberg and some of the largest companies in the world including Coca-Cola, Sony, Shell, Procter & Gamble and Citibank use feng shui.

For our purposes here--to come to your immediate rescue--we're not going to get too technical or have you use the Feng Shui compass and the Ba-Gua, a chart you make which outlines the entire space you are in. Plenty of further information is available on the Internet if you wish to delve deeper.

Chi is the term for the universal energy that permeates everything around us from the inside of our bodies, the inside of buildings and on to the outside. The primary goal of feng shui is to direct the Chi inside the space you work in so that it nourishes a good flow of Chi inside your body. Then you can approach your tasks feeling energized, inspired and in tune with nature.

Here are some feng shui basics that will not only get you started but will provide almost immediate results.

The first step is very important. Clear out the clutter. Get rid of everything that doesn't belong in your office, that is ugly and unnecessary. Initially it requires some effort to light the load but keep in mind as you take things out of your environment that don't need to be there, you are lowering your stress level. Clutter can rise to the ceiling on a bookshelf. It always has an oppressive, overpowering feeling. You are freeing the Chi, or life source energy, to flow smoothly around you and keep that energy moving.

According to feng shui doctrine, the position of your desk dictates your power. It should be as far away from the door as possible. You should have an unobstructed view of the door from where you sit. If this is not possible, use a feng shui cure such as setting up a mirror to enable you to see it.

Don't face a wall while you work. If you can't reposition yourself, hang up a picture that provides an eye level scene of something like a long winding road or river.

Define your personal space. A small mat or area rug at the entrance to your work space will inhibit people from walking in unannounced. Hang a bell to alert you to visitors if you can.

Do not let things pile up on the floor. This keeps you stuck in the past, making it hard to finish projects or meet deadlines. Sort through your papers once a month and discard what is unnecessary.

Use symbols of future goals just above your eye level. If you wish a promotion, put a tall plant on top of a bookcase or file cabinet. To reach a sales goal, write your target number in red marker on a green piece of paper and post it over the door.

Integrate organic materials into your work space such as wicker baskets, wooden paper trays, crystal paperweights, and potted plants. These will encourage people to let down their guard with you because representations of nature are reassuring in a business environment.

Keep your dreams. If your job bears no resemblance to the work you dream of doing, incorporate water into your office. Try an indoor fountain or a picture of a moving body of water. Aquariums are wonderful and relaxing. Water keeps you tuned into your desires and encourages you to take steps toward your real career goals.

Don't let items pile up on your desk. Clear your desk at the end of each day. It will be so much nicer to come in the next morning to your clean desk free of clutter.

Have good quality air and light in your office. Keep the office windows open often or use an air-purifier. Use as much natural light as possible. Think about using full-spectrum lights.

Color is very important in feng shui and each color offers different subtle characteristics that affect the mood and tone of your office. If you can't paint, set out objects like rugs or pillows with the color. Live with the colors you love. Light colors invigorate, and dark colors can make you feel oppressed. Use lively, energetic colors like orange or yellow to accent and uplift the energy. This will help not only your productivity, but also your morale and creativity.

Idea Catcher Notebook for Magazine Article Ideas

Okay, knowing your niche market. getting paid for freelance magazine article work, all that's left to grow is to keep those article ideas green and growing. Certainly the clippings files of interesting ideas are growing fatter and staying organized. What's left to do? What's next is to start your ever-present notebook idea catcher, or if there already is one, to expand on how its used and keep it going. They don't get carried around day-in and night-out for only the most profound thoughts and headiest quotes. Those kind of journals end up under the bed covered in dust. They are for musings, intriguing comments and questions heard or stumbled upon, reactions to news, relationship updates, reading responses and questions; descriptions and solutions to problems--you could even draw mini mind-maps. There is so much to write about that will jar loose so much more. Perhaps you're on a bus or a train and it's going to be a moderately long ride. Get out your notebook and write about what your life's mission is. Take the position of a soul searcher, a seeker after truth and justice, an adventurer or a wanderer and write what you think, feel and observe from one of those identities. Go to a movie and if it affects you, write a mini-review. Record dreams and fantasies. What do they suggest about your waking life? Put yourself into the life of an intriguing stranger you noticed. What is their life like? What do they do? What do they dream about? What do they believe? Do they love? Get into it. Get into objects. Arrange them into still lifes and try to understand them from an artistic perspective. What do you do to them and why? Which do you prefer? Write about the experience. What did you learn? Describe your pets. Write characterizations about them. You didn't know them as well as you do now when you named them. Do they suit their names? What would you name them now, if not. What one word would you use to describe your pet? What do you think your pet thinks about, if you think your pet thinks? List major changes in your past life, present life, those coming up and those you would like to make in your future life. Remember as you write to be as specific as you can. Use plenty of sensory words that also can jar the memory and bring forth ideas. Create the sights, sounds, smells and textures for the reader even if the reader is only going to be you. At times go back over earlier entries and rewrite something that grabs you or fashion it into something else--perhaps an article? Take yourself on field trips just for the sake of your idea catcher: a walk in the woods, a trip to the park, a walk along the beach, a trip downtown--all enjoyed in detailed description in your notebook. Sit at a coffee shop and collect bits of overheard conversation. Some people make entire blogs out of these bits and some imagination. The part of the conversation you're not privy to is as engaging as what you do hear. Soon these snippets will grow and flower and become living, breathing articles. Each notation is like a dandelion after the flower has faded and only the skeleton is left. Blow on this feathers and watch what they can become.

Some All Too Common Mistakes Made By Novice Freelance Magazine Writers

1. First big mistake: sending in a totally wrong query letter. Now this query may be wrong because you didn't bother to read the freelance guidelines which clearly state that article submission is preferable to sending a query. Or it may be wrong because you never bothered getting a sample copy of the magazine and, therefore, have no idea what the demographics are--who they write for, what the tone is, what the features usually address--nothing--and this shows through loud and clear in your query. Maybe if you had read the guidelines, you'd know that they only deal with writers' agents and you could have saved yourself some time and trouble. Too bad you're too cheap to buy or subscribe to "Writers' Market"? Or perhaps the query is so terribly wrong because you didn't bother to even run the spell check no less proofread it for mistakes of capitalization, punctuation, grammar, etc. and you've just told an editor you're not really a writer just a mad typer. Finally, it could have been so far, far from being the right query letter because a good query convinces an editor that an article would be right for his magazine, meaning that it is sizzling, attention-grabbing and well-written. And you practically skipped over the expected paragraph about why you are particularly well-suited to write this article for this magazine. Having a B.S. in Biology doesn't convince an editor you are qualified to write about home decor, nor does college membership in that sorority you mentioned. 2. The article you submitted had no lead, for starters. It not only didn't grab the reader, it was so mundane and run-of-the-mill it made him want to just set down the article down and walk away. 3. The flat writing continued throughout the article like last week's 7-Up. There was no inspiration, no real shred of interest shown by the writer. There were too many cliche's and adverbs and not enough facts to make the generalizations ring true. 4. Again, how does a writer submit an article in today's cyber world without at least running the spell check on it? And why not just get a red marker and write "amateur" across the top of the thing if you insist on giving "it's' an apostrophe for possession not "it is"? And what about misspelling simple words like "decor" and "scheme". And if it had been proofread by anyone, perhaps someone would have noticed the use of the word "marvelous" in every other sentence. That is called gushing and it really doesn't have a place in most objective magazine review writing. 5. You submitted a seasonal article for a seasonal issue the magazine already put to bed three months ago. Publishing time is not like real time. In publishing time, Christmas has come and gone and so has Valentine's Day. 6. Your article is 1,500 words long. Had you read the guidelines you would have known that the maximum length they accept is 600 words. 7. Having shared some ego-deflating truths about the query and article, one can't help but wonder if it were actually wise and expedient to call the editor three times to inquire about its status? 8. It's a mistake to grieve early or even middle or late rejections. They are as much a part of writing as buying another ink cartridge for the printer or researching freelance help wanted ads. Paper your walls with them like some of the great writers did. Don't give up--just vow to do better next time. Spend more time on getting to know the market and the magazine. Do your homework. Research your demographics. Outline your articles. And, please, ask at least three friends to proofread and edit it for you.

Meet ED2010: A Website Every Freelance Magazine Writer Should Know

It may the best magazine writing site going. It has lots of what you need and want. And it's not written in a slick, hard to take business style but a down-to-earth conversational one. ED2010 writes on its "About" section that it is: ...a community of young magazine editors and magazine-editor wannabes who want to learn more about the industry so we can fulfill our dreams of landing top editing and writing positions in the magazine industry... They go on to say that it was born in New York City, but now they have chapters in cities across the U.S., Canada, and in the U.K. They also have college campus chapters. It costs nothing to join. They only ask that you read their blogs, comment on their message boards, and look over the WhisperJobs. Oh, and they sponsor happy hours in your town and towns across the country. Great networking, huh? There is a lot of talk in the freelance press and Internet websites now about what rates freelancers charge, and what rates they should charge. Deborah Ng of Freelance Gigs did an anonymous survey recently, and the results weren't pretty. They were especially ugly now that there seems to be an increasing number of job postings that want to pay one dollar per article. ED2010 has real magazine industries anonymously post some of their positions, geographic locations. job perks and salaries. You can get a solid idea of what actual people at your level are making as they begin their careers, and an idea of what to hope to make later on. ED2010 provides an indispensable glossary to the jargon of magazine writing and publishing. Here's one acronym you don't want to find on your draft from your editor: "MEGO" = "my eyes glaze over". There are many more, including what all the position titles mean from market editor to copy editor. There are resources galore. "Extensive" barely covers all the job boards, freelancing sites, newspaper sites, magazine sites, writing, media and professional resources. The WhisperJobs are from all over the country and include online jobs where you can work from your home. ED even provides human resource email contact info with company email address formats for magazine staff at publishers like Conde' Nast, Hearst, and Time, Inc. There are lists of mailing addresses and phone numbers for quite a few of the heavy hitter magazine publishing companies as well. The college students' section offers internship listings, message boards, advice, and the opportunity to start an ED chapter at a college as well as attend an ED networking event that isn't a happy hour. Speaking of networking, they help manage ED book clubs across the country and will help start one in the area of any person who requests one. But don't think ED is all frivolous, light-hearted fun, games and finding jobs. There are serious blog postings about subjects like whether teen mags are going to be able to sustain their reader base because most teens want to read Cosmo; ad pages everywhere being hit by the recession; will college grads be able to get jobs in this economy next September; and are we soon going to witness the death of print magazines. The interns who write these posts include their complete profiles along with access to their other ED blogs like "Ed's Intern Diaries". The links alone would be worth the price of admission, if there were one. And there's something called "The 60-Minute Mentor Program" for new college grads seeking advice. ED2010 is the place to be for anyone who wishes to write or edit magazines

TODAY IT'S ARTICLES ON MAGAZINE WRITING

Today I am using this freelance writing blog to inform and entertain you the reader, I hope, as I publish three articles as writing samples for a position I am applying for at Suite 101.com. I have finished my first three months there, and now I am eligible to apply for a promotion to a feature writer. I just found out that there is an opening in magazine writing. I need to submit five articles on the topic with my request for this job. I wrote three so far today. I am publising them in the blog so they'll look good and be easier to attach with my request. I hope you find them useful. Okay, let's start with the next post.

Just a funky mood I'm in. It's 6:18 a.m. and I haven't been to bed yet. Been working every freelance want-ad and market write up ad I can find. I want to write something exciting for money. I got two checks this week and it has gone to my head. I'm only happy when I'm writing. But I guess you figured that out by now. I wrote two astrology things--sort of funky soul mates based on sun sign astrology and one what to eat when you have PMS article all for Helium.com Marketplace. I am also working on a few others for them. One about what to eat to prevent cancer and one on Chinese New Year. Yeah, coming up soon the year of the Ox. That's what I am. A quiet, hardworking ox. The more freelance writers blogs I read the more I learn I am far from being the one of only a handful of writers disgusted with the present marketplace of $1/articles and SEO nightmares and spinning articles to pass plagiarism tests. Lots of us are disgusted. I found some who are simply choosing not having anything to do with any of it which is reassuring. I think of the wonder and total regard I held for writers for most of my idealistic life and I can't imagine it has come to spinning. Would F. Scott have spun a few to keep Zelda in a good secure place and to buy a few more rounds? Can you picture Virginia Woolf counting keywords? I'm certainly not putting myself in their league I'm merely asking is that what has become of writing today? Meanwhile, I continue sending and receiving e-mails from my best friend all through high school, now a grandmother. We have so much fun. She is still hunting deer every morning at 4 a.m. One more and she can stop for the season because she'll have enough to last the year. She lives in Smackover, AK but she's from the Chicago area. I told her I know what I'll serve her for lunch when she comes to see me over Christmas--something she is probably dying for because she sure can't get it in Smackover: good old Chicago pizza. My poor sister and her family just live in Wisconsin. I was there recently and they told me all about how awful all the pizza up there was. But then one night when we were all starving they went ahead and ordered one. Yeap, it was sure awful. They weren't exaggerating. I think the sauce was plain tomato paste. I can't talk about what was supposed to be the pepperoni or I'll get sick. You wouldn't think making pizza was such a secret, would you?

MONEY IS NOT ROLLING IN, BUT IT IS DRIPPING IN

This week I have received payment for two freelance articles. One was the home remedies piece. The other was an astrology newsletter for December. I hope I get picked to do another of those. It was a lot of fun. I really did research to write it. I know a lot of you probably think astrologers just pull their forecasts out of their asses. No me. So I will hereby warn you all to look out for the evil full moon on December 12th. Everybody is going to be in their crabbiest holiday stressed-out frenzy and looking for someone to dump it on. Don't be the dumpee. Avoid crowded shopping malls. Do your Christmas shopping before December 10th or after December 14th just to be safe. Try not to let critical, temperamental words fly out of your mouth during this period or they will fly right back in your face with a vengeance. Good news you ask? Yes, there is a brilliant Jupiter-Venus conjunction on the 1st that is ripe for romance and holiday festivities. Too bad it's a Monday. Make your own fun. Grab someone you like a lot, love, or would like to know better and go look at holiday lights or go cut down a Christmas tree in legally sanctioned woods. Don't waste this beautiful aspect on the mundane. And, BTW, Sagittarius, get ready for one fabulous birthday month. You deserve it because you are just so lovable. That's all true. I swear. Now I am on to bidding writing an e-book on the meaning of baby names and six articles on diet and health, something I've written about frequently. I am still bidding on the the low side, but bids that allow me to feel good about myself as I do the work. I tell you there are some ugly things going on in the freelance writing help wanted world if you've looked lately. Have you seen something like this: "Wanted 100 articles in three days, all spun from one article that I will provide, must pass plagiarism test and all must be original. Publisher can only pay $1.00 per article. SEO knowledge and experience crucial. Keywords will be provided." Sickening, huh? Who calls this writing? I am thinking of dumping Elance because they let these a-holes sign up as publishers, and I only recently signed up with them. Until very recently I didn't even know what spinning meant or that you could actually purchase a device that would spin an original article into a copy that could be tested for plagiarism and pass. I say it again. I am sickened. I see these sort of disgusting faux apologies for low rates in help wanted ads posted everywhere. Five dollars an article for a regularly written 500-600 word article is common. What kind of chimps do they think we writers are? I tell you I delight in the TV/movie writers' strikes when they stop production and make viewers realize that the shows and movies they love so much are created by writers. We need stronger unions for the little guys. We need to let these publishers know that we won't be working for $1-10.00 per article and that they are very rude to even take out an ad suggesting such a thing. I know I didn't go to college for four years, earn ten years of print and Internet writing experience and take extra writing classes on my own to earn a slap in the face rate. What about you?

"WORDS FOR WORD LOVERS"

Yesterday was my 59th birthday. This picture is of me when I was a year or two younger, and not beating the freelance road to "wealth" (purchase of real hair conditioner) quite so hard. I picked up an interesting book at the local library sale today. Alas, not as interesting as its title, "100 Words Every Word Lover Should Know." (Published 2005, from the editors of the American Heritage Dictionaries.) It flipped open to internecine, a word I've never been sure enough of to actually use. I was looking forward to learning the other 99 words. (I outgrew the Reader's Digest vocab words ago.) So, based on that one word, internecine, I bought the book only to sadly discover that word lovers apparently don't know the following words. Do you know them all too? alchemy anachrosism (not kidding you) cappuccino chortle desultory detritus hiatus insouciant facetious fecundity egregious I need my money back don't I? Now I'm going to see how many I can find that are usable and I don't know them: didjeridoo--A musical instrument of the Aboriginal people (not too usable) Wait, I found one: litotes, "A figure of speech consisting of an understatement in which an affirmative is expressed by negating its opposite as in, "I showed him over the establishment, not omitting the pantry, with no little pride, and he commended it highly. (Dickens, "David Copperfield") Good Scrabble word perhaps. Another, nictitate (nik'titat) intransitive verb: To wink. Who's pretentious enough to use that one I wonder? Here's an unusual word I don't know: humuhumunukunukuapuaa. Hint: It's a noun. Of course you want to go out and use it right away but the problem is that this word for word lovers is either of two triggerfishes native to the outer reefs of Hawaii. Damn! And I was almost as happy seeing this word on the page as I was the day I discovered a word with a built in "ha ha": brouhaha. I expected way more from the editors of popular dictionaries, who, for all practical purposes, should have long lists of less common words for those seeking to enrich their vocabularies. Well, I just found the price of admission: sesquipedalian, adj., and I can honestly say I appreciate this word for "1. given to or characterized by the use of long words. 2. Polysyllabic. I can even imagine using it in places where I don't care if I'm pretentious as long as I impress; e.g. "I don't mean to be sesquipedalian, but have you ever seen a humuhumunukunukuapuaa?" If any of you have good 75 cent words that not everyone knows, and that can actually be used in conversation or writing, please add them to comments below. The winner of the best word or words can have the useless word book I bought today to give to someone in need, like a child.

OBAMA'S GOT IT! NO PROBLEM.

Didn't my man look cool last night at the debate just grinning at the lies and stupidities that came out of McNasty's mouth? No question that he won hands down. Now we just have to wait and see if the American people are smarter than a box of rocks, which they proved not to be during the last two elections. Fine opinion piece in The New York Times. today on the debate and on what a loser McCain is. Yeah, my man cool as a cuke got McNasty so rattled he didn't know his Freddie Mae's from his Fannie Macs and his Down's Sydrome's from his autism's. Towards the end of the debate he got all bug-eyed and started to look like the bug at the top of the page.

IF I DON'T MAKE SOME MONEY SOON I WANT TO KNOW WHY

Yes, folks, as you can see I broke down and got Google AdSense or whatever Blogger is calling their version of it. Forgive me. I have been too poor to buy peanut butter and jelly as well as bread to put it on. I just got desperate and I sold out despite my big talk in earlier issues of this blog. I am a disgrace. But I am a disgrace who bought some kind of expensive apricot jelly today made with real apricots. I am expecting my Pay Pal account to soon reap enough to cover the jam. And I have been submitting a few more places too like eZine, Constant Content... I don't even know if I remember all the places. I signed up for Elance'. What a procedure that is. I don't remember any big procedure when I signed up with Guru. I had to take a test on all their boring rigamarole guidelines, formats, terms, conditions. I finally got sick of reading it all and just took the test. Luckily I passed. I submitted two proposals today with samples. They want money from you at every turn. They want money to qualify your skills. Last night I decided I would do fine in qualifying my skill with computers. How was I to know the entire test would be based on Windows? I have been only a Mac user for several years now. I forget more about Windows than I ever would have thought possible after years of fighting with the old Windows XP. Yep, I flunked. Today I filled out more of my profile for potential clients. I learned that they want $15 to qualify each job you list. They don't make this sound optional either. I wonder if their take on jobs I get is higher than on Guru? They seem like big business the way they get you coming and going. I also took the time to hook up this blog with RSS and listed it with a bunch of search engines and blog directories like Technorati. I am going to get some traffic for my new Ad words if I have to start writing about sex and drugs. Just kidding. In one of its earlier incarnations, I Don't Sleep At Night, I took up a cause when I read that out West somewhere they were using nearly naked women as targets for paintball. I was outraged. I went on and on about it until I noticed that it was my highest traffic and Google search hits ever. Did I feel dumb and used. I am not doing it again. Yeah, I even signed up to give free delivery of ten articles to eZine, but I think I may have to rethink that. If I do it I "win" a premium membership which means I get to give them as many free articles as I want. Such a deal! Starvation makes for bad bargains for sure. I even applied for one lousy little publisher that insisted they didn't really care if you could write at all as long as you could use grammar and spell. I sent them a very short sample and never heard anything. Now that's just too discouraging. But I've got to do a better job of keeping my head and scruples up now that I know my daughter reads this blog. The poor thing is trying to talk herself into starting a new job serving at a sports bar. Let's just say she is not the best at taking shit from any man so I don't know how long she'll last taking some from drunken young college students. But she is telling herself she needs the job because she does. I listened to an hour-long radio interview with Deborah Ng yesterday. It was pretty interesting. She really is still a mom who blogs which I find amazing. I keep losing track of how many projects she has in the fire. I could hear her little (age five or six) kids making noise in the background and her sort of being embarrassed about it. Embarrassed? She does all that writing and still she finds time to be a full-time Mom? I tip my hat off to her. Anyhow she doesn't think blogging for networks is going to be very lucrative much longer. She is living proof that you can do well on your own. Do you know she makes $1,000 a month just on Google AdSense? That's when I decided to sign up. I read her blog with freelance openings everyday. It's the best if you ask me. About.com has a decent section on freelance writing and getting paid for blogging Now there's a job I would have liked--editing one of About.com's departments. Specifically, I had flea markets in mind, but I chickened out because they want you to know some HTML and mine is very minimal. Until next time.

TO MY FRIENDS, THE WRITERS

Here are a bunch of writing prompts. Some are geared for students, but still helpful. Some are for fiction writers, but still will get you going. And there are a couple of cool prompt generators in here too: http://jc-schools.net/write/create.htm http://www.canteach.ca/elementary/prompts.html http://www.creativewritingprompts.com/ http://www.writersdigest.com/WritingPrompts/ http://www.cdli.ca/CITE/writing_prompts.htm http://www.theteacherscorner.net/daily-writing-prompts/index.htm http://www.creativity-portal.com/howto/writing/writing.prompts.html http://www.classbrain.com/artteensb/publish/cat_index_22.shtml http://www.ettc.net/writing/Index.htm http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2006/5/4wiencek.html http://www.abcteach.com/MonthtoMonth/January/writing.htm http://languageisavirus.com/writing_prompts.html http://www.tengrrl.com/tens/018.shtml http://tengrrl.com/tens/019.shtml http://www.doe.mass.edu/mcas/2004/release/prompts.html http://www.oncewritten.com/FreeCreativeWritingPrompts.php And Blue Mountain Artsis having a poetry contest with no entry fees. It's the Thirteenth Biannual Poetry Card Contest and the deadline is December 31, 2008. 1st prize = $300 * 2nd prize = $150 * 3rd prize = $50 Enter as many times as you like I found a good long list of magazine writer's markets complete with links for writer's guidelines without having to spend $29 I don't have on "Writer's Market". It's at Writing for Dollars and each listing tells you straight up whether it pays low, medium or high. There are a lot of good ones on there and I'm only up to Photolife. There are also trade, greeting card and a whole bunch of markets by topics. You're welcome. I think I am going to try my hand at writing greeting cards. I can't believe how well they pay: around $75 each. Here's one list of publishers. Wait, here's a better list with links for guidelines for those that accept freelance submissions. I have sent away for all kinds of guidelines. There was a freelance ad this week for writers to write cards for cancer patients: Freelance Greeting Card Writers Wanted by Jodee Our new company is looking for freelance greeting card writers. Specifically, for both adults and children suffering with cancer. Please submit greeting on an index card with name and contact information on the back. Thank You. Pays $75.00 per verse Contact: Tammy Maxey Maxey,LLC P.O. Box 701 Moorestown, NJ 08057 Also, looking for all categories of greeting including traditional, funny as well as spiritual. I looked around on e card sites trying to find out what passes for funny for cancer patients. It was mostly a bunch of "fuck cancer" cards. Not too funny in my book, but then my sister just died of it in December. I may have trouble coming up with funny cards.

THE WRITING LIFE OF UPS AND DOWNS AND ALL AROUNDS

Top 10 Blogs for Writers List is Out Just sitting at my desk day after day trying to make something work with my writing. Dig this. For three days I was cheered because I stayed in first place in the most recent Helium.com writing contest. I figured I'd just write one more article even though I was a shoo-in to win. Today it all came crumbling down and the peers rated me so low I am not a contender. I wish I knew how the peers rate. I think I am a good writer. I do a lot of research and really knock myself out on each and every article I write. And then I find out it was all set on sand. I have been applying for some more freelance gigs. Nothing too ambitious. Just part-time sort of fun article writing. I am wondering if Google's Knol really ends up paying anything. It's all AdSense money and I have never used that before. I am so sick of making nickle and dimes while I get my big chance at that overused want-ad word, "exposure." I need to make some money, not be exposed. I am still plugging away at 30 poems in 30 days. Here's one poem I wrote about my 18-year-old son: Bunny Boy My son, the semi-grown man-child, memorizes rap music and says fuck too much. He wanted something to love never having had a girlfriend and his Dad died. Now he has a tiny, baby, long-eared, softer than baby hair, white and brown rabbit That follows him wherever he goes. It eats bright green, crunchy lettuce from his hand. He makes little houses for it to crawl in and out from boxes. I was there the first time the little bunny let him pet her with two extended fingers. His touch was barely there, almost above her, as though he were petting her aura. His smile was so gentle and loving as he petted her the gate to his heart was left wide open. Anyone could have walked right in. I sure did. *** Anyhow, it came from my heart. My son is so precious with his rabbit, Biscuit. He would kill me if he ever read this poem, but I don't have to worry about either of my kids reading my blog. Now I am working on a Helium.com Marketplace publisher request for an article that provides "a compelling view of life between the ages of 50 and 59." They want the "most interesting, scintillating or inspiring items of news that are occurring." All I came up with is that it's making big news that Baby Boomers are rethinking retirement in view of the economic situation in this country. Instead, they are looking into second and third careers. Some talk about having to work until they are 80. A survey of 50- to 65-year-old workers done for the federal government in August found that 29 percent of 55- to 59-year-olds plan to work beyond 65. And that was even before all the shit hit the fan on Wall Street. I'm sure it's worse now. I better get some discipline with my writing life or I'm going to be one of the toothless ones asking, "Do you want fries with that?"

"AND ALL I ASK OF DYING IS TO GO NATURALLY." ("When I Die")

I have decided that I want a green funeral. I don't want it so I can be trendy, because I don't believe I'll care about keeping up with the greenies at that point in my non-life. I want it because it makes sense and it doesn't scare me. All my life I've had this crazy notion that I'm going to come to inside that steel or what have you coffin and be six feet under and wide awake and alert. I'll be trapped and alone, and have no way to scream for help. Does anyone else ever have that thought or is it just me? Besides, what could be more natural than just returning to the earth. It's the ultimate recycling after a long life of recycling. "Dust to dust" and all that. Not to mention that it is cheap and I have no life insurance. The kids could set me up on the couch if they wanted to be Irish about it, or skip the whole wake thing entirely and just have a simple memorial service in the woods some place. At least I hope they will want to do that much. My ex used to say he was going to put me in a giant Hefty bag and drag me from his rear car bumper for the dogs to get. Nice, huh? You might say what about cremation? It pollutes. It causes nitrogen oxides, carbon monoxide, sulfur dioxide, heavy metals and particulates to be released into the atmosphere when a body is cremated. Don't be a polluter after you tried not to be during your life. No embalming when you go green (ick, gross). I don't care if there's a casket really. Put me in a refrigerator box if they want. But you can get cool green caskets made of jute or bamboo. It's time to stop taking advantage of the dead and their relatives with all the expensive ways funeral directors have of trying to remove the living from the fact that the deceased is actually deceased. The dead person doesn't care how expensive the coffin is and if it's guaranteed not to rust or leak. The family really shouldn't give a shit either. The person is dead. And I don't want some male stranger even trying to fix my hair and makeup the way I wore it. I get shudders. I can barely stand to go to a new salon wide awake for fear of who they might try to turn me into. I wash my hair and scrunch its natural curl. Then I let the air dry it. Five will get you ten they would put rollers in my hair, blow dry it, and put on a lot of mousse. Then they would put bright red lipstick on me, and I rarely ever even wear light lipstick. I would sit up in that casket and scream I swear. And all my relatives and friends would be trying to say something nice, all the time thinking, "My God she looks so dead, and so horrible. And what has she done to her hair!" So I want to get back to tradition. They put the dead to rest long before there were funeral directors. I guess the hard part is finding a place to legally bury the body. I know they won't let the kids put me in the back yard like a dog. I found a great resource on green funerals that tells you about everything you need to know. According to this they have green burial specialists, so it's not the kids and you, the stiff, out in the back yard with a shovel. The next time the annoying people from Penn Life call I am going to tell them that my funeral will only cost as much as a couple of cartons of cigarettes and I don't need them.

WRITER'S BLOCK SUCKS

Doesn't it? Since this blog is ostensibly about its freelance writing tag, let's talk about some ways out of it and into article ideas in a pinch. My usual desperate measures include writing prompts. Here are some that I have checked out and determined to be not as corny and mind-numbing as most 1. An example, "Set yourself the task of writing in a way you've never written before, no matter who you are." This is one of the easier prompts from a very challenging group of prompts called "Creative Writing Exercise Prompts: Writing Prompts". 2. Here's one, "In 300 words write about a day, week, life of an old wedding dress..." Check out the other 328 prompts at 3. The granddaddy genie in the bottle at Writer's Digest. Example is the proverbial "You've been hired as a writer for "Late Show with David Letterman." Your first assignment is to come up with a witty, nonpolitical Top Ten list for him to read on air. Challenge, from Ms.Refusenik, do it in less than 15 minutes and use the word "cheese". Okay, enough of that. Other article mental church-keys, as we used to call them in greaser-town where I grew up: Google Trends, Google Zeitgeist 2007 (soon 2008), AOL trends and AOL trends blog, Digg, I'd write Delicious but I don't have the patience for all that upper and lower case nonsense. You get the idea. Twitter. All those social networking places including Gather. You can forget MyLot where the IQ seems to be "Big Butts or Not?" questions. Sign up for more Reader RSS subscriptions. Read obituaries. I thank the wonderful writer at Escape Grace blog for turning me on to the obit that will join many other fine obits in my files. Read it here if you didn't read it there. She challenges readers to find a better obit. I've got better ones believe it or not, but I've got ADD and the challenge is to find the goddamn file. I just looked. It's sorta hopeless given my brain.

LORD, THERE'S JUST ONE SET OF FOOTPRINTS THANKS TO SARAH PALIN

What makes this woman writing in The New York Times think she can tell me, an Obama supporter, to "calm down" and "take a deep breath"? Doesn't she read Maureen Dowd or Paul Krugman or, for God's sake, Ariana Huffington? I do. And, I can't help being scared by this monster that shoots wolves from planes, wants to ban Harry Potter and God knows what other books, really did call Iraq "God's task" in her church, would allow her ticket to call Obama some kind of pedophile for suggesting kindergarteners be taught "good touch/bad touch".... I am beside myself. I have come out of my body and I am beside myself at the damage this hockey mom is capable of doing to this already far too damaged country. She lies through those lipsticked lips like a pro Republican. She is one of the club. Being a woman doesn't make her more honest, as is sometimes the case. There's only one set of footprints in my life's wanderings today. I need to be carried through day E-53 and counting. I really, really, really cannot take any more Republican shenanigans, and I mean that word in the worst way. For example, I mean "shenanigans" like in the following article I wrote a while back about why Mr. Military Hero gets protected in the media for unthinkable wrongdoing while Obama gets slammed for being in the same room with people. Or why so much is made of Michele Obama's honesty about her feelings for this country, which I share, and no mention is made of the fact that Cindy McCain would still be sitting in a federal penitentiary for drug stealing and prescription theft if her husband hadn't intervened on her behalf. No one mentions that he and Cindy didn't even vote for Bush last time, or that he publicly called his wife the "c" word. This is a nasty man with a very bad temper and a worse liar than Bush if that is possible. Anyhow, here is the article along those lines: Presidential Elections 2008 US elections 2008: Obama's radical "baggage": Rev. Wright and the 1960s radicals It's truly remarkable how our media only picks up on certain things to repeat endlessly like crazed mynah birds, and ignores the elephant in the living room. It's how the game of politics is played in this sound-bite mad country. You want to talk about baggage? Let's talk about some real baggage. Right now I am looking at a photo that was published in the New York Times of Bill Clinton shaking hands with a spiritual adviser who came to help him when he was in his confessional mode after the Lewinsky scandal in 1998. The preacher's name? Oh, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jr. of Chicago. Funny Bill hasn't brought that up recently. So many scandals to cover, and yet you'd think the press only knew about two of Obama's unfortunate acquaintances. Here's the whole problem. Obama is too nice. Bill, Hillary and John McCain have enough scandals between them, past and current, to keep a large army of reporters busy for years, but no one brings it up. Obama can thank Hillary Clinton for making a big stink about Rev. Jeremiah Wright, Jr. so she could scare white voters into thinking big, bad, bigoted black men were about to make Obama their love slave or whatever she is trying to imply. Obama must have been having a rough day when he accused Hillary of using a "kitchen-sink" (as in "everything but the kitchen-sink") strategy of negative attacks aimed at him. He told her, "You learned the wrong lessons from those Republicans who were going after you in same way using the same tactics all those years. I don't want us to become like them. I want us to change the country." Isn't he just the sweetest? Too bad, isn't it, because he could really go to town if he played their way. Poor Obama just can't stop being a basically decent guy despite whatever she does next. He is too much of a gentleman to remind her that she sleeps with a man who pardoned not one but two Weathermen. He merely attended board meetings with one. Nor does he mention how in late 2007 the Clinton campaign was forced to return $850,000 in campaign donations to Norman Hsu who acquired the money through a Ponzi scheme. They forgot to do a background check. Of course, they hadn't planned on returning it until the media got wind of it. And he doesn't bring up Vina Gupta who spent $900,000 on travel for the Clintons, or her old friend, John Huang, whom she got a job for at the Commerce Dept. until he was sentenced in 1999 for campaign finance violations. Then there was the $22,000 campaign contribution from Jose Carbera who got that money out of his account set up for his cocaine selling business. Or he could mention her old partner Webster Hubbell, or Addul Rehman Jinnah, or Sandy Berger. Oh, and Hillary, just what were your brothers Hugh and Tony Rodham doing with that strange investment in hazelnuts in the former Soviet republic of Georgia, or when Hugh Rodham took large cash payments for trying to broker presidential pardons? Wasn't that a bit sleazy? The list just goes on. People in glass houses shouldn't throw bricks they say. And Mr. John McCain who must vent his spleen about Obama's former pastor and Sixties radical Bill Ayers. He must have forgotten that little internationally known incident called the Keating Five that he was involved with a few years ago. And he certainly has forgotten his actions on behalf of alleged paramour Vicki Iseman known as McCain's Purple Cow incident. And I thought that hearing that his wife steals recipes from cookbooks and passes them off on the campaign website as old family dishes was a big thing until I found out about her drug addiction. My, the way she stole those drugs from the charity she worked for. They say if McCain hadn't intervened and she had been poor and black she would still be doing time. And what about his campaign manager Terry Nelson who, it turns out, has been connected to several Republican scandals? No, no, no, Barack is too nice to mention any of that. But best of all was reading about McCain's recent endorsement by John Hagee, televangelist, and a leading Christian supporter of Israel and a large figure in the Christian-Zionist movement, a political philosophy rooted in biblical prophecies and a belief that Israel's struggles signal a prelude to Armageddon. He attempted to distance himself from his newest evangelical supporter when the Democratic National Committee called on him to denounce his support, citing controversial remarks Hagee has made on a variety of subjects. McCain said, "In no way did I intend for his endorsement to suggest that I in turn agree with all of Pastor Hagee's views, which obviously I do not." And, "obviously", Barrack Obama doesn't agree with all of Rev. Wright's views either. Everybody's got baggage. Obama's seems like coincidental kid stuff compared to the real pros. ,,

ADVENTURES IN FREELANCE WRITING

It looks like MinskMinks, we'll call it, isn't going to pan out. I thought it was a U.K. magazine I was going to write for. It turns out it was a Russian-based rag for people without a country or something--nomads living far from home who still wanted to read about fashion, diet and beauty wherever they are perched at the moment. I spent a lot of hours on a piece about a Cambridge University study looking at U.K. and U.S. attitudes towards working mothers over the past 30 years. It showed support for working mothers is ebbing away. Unless you are Nicola Horlick in the U.K. or Sarah Palin here, with six and five children respectively and high-powered careers, you just can't afford (literally) to be a supermum or supermom anymore. And it's too bad to find that out now that 75 percent of moms work, and most work because they can't make it on one income anymore. But the Professor who did the Cambridge study, Jacqueline Scott, hit the nail on the head as to what the real problem is with the fault-finding on the one who usually takes the rap for the family's problems--good ol' Mom. Scott said that among young people, "gender role division that people thought was eradicated 25 years ago" was the norm. There remained the expectation that women should do the majority of household chores and child-caring work regardless of her job responsibilities outside the home. Well, sisters, we've all known about that, haven't we? And when he has to eat eggs for dinner, or even worse, cook eggs for dinner for the kids because you're out working late, then he tells the sociologist poll taker that yes, things have never been worse than since you started working. And what is the answer? Is his answer that you quit go on welfare, sell the other car, and shop only at thrift stores? I bet not. He just wants you to function on even less sleep than you do now. To make it seem at home like you don't even work outside the home. I know all about that. I got divorced finally after I had had enough of it. I worked nights and he worked days. My plan was that this way not only could we save desperately needed money on babysitting, but our children wouldn't have to be with non-family members for a good part of the day. I had my first child when I was 36, the second at 40. These were long-awaited much wanted children. We wanted them too much to only to see them on weekends. Before I hit on the night/day work schedule thing, I went off to work crying on many a day, and I know lots of other mothers do too. It breaks your heart. You wonder if today will be the big day you miss them finally say Mommy for the first time and you won't hear it? Will it be the day they take the first step you're not there to see it? When you have to drop them off when they're sick it's all you can do to get through the day. You want to call the sitter every 20 minutes. You want to let that infant know you are there with him or her in spirit, but it's impossible. You just feel like a bad mother and a bad worker who can't concentrate on the job in front of her. Oh, sorry. I was talking about freelance writing and the report I wrote for the Russian magazine. Yeah, I haven't heard a thing since I submitted it. I found the gig in a newspaper ad that seemed to be posted everywhere. I ran into it several times before I e-mailed my samples. Wouldn't that be a cheap and easy way to run a little magazine? Put out ads for articles. Assign a topic. Collect all the articles in some faraway country. Change a few things here and there. And just publish them for nothing. Or maybe I've been trained all my life to think like that about the Russkies. For shame. But back to my good for nothing ex-husband. He wanted me to get up at the crack of dawn even though I worked nights and didn't get to bed until quite late. He wanted me to make his breakfast and his lunch. As it was, I spent my days in a pop-eyed frenzy (popping health-food store supplements like Tic Tacs) trying to make it look like I was really a full-time homemaker. I schlepped the kids to various stimulating classes for growth and fun, cleaned, prepared a fully home-cooked dinner from scratch so all he would have to do was heat and serve when he got home, did the shopping, did the laundry--you know the usual. I ran around like Martha Stewart on Dexedrine. And all I got was complaints. Why hadn't I washed my dinner cooking dishes? Why wasn't all the laundry folded and put away? Here's my question? Why did I wait so fucking long to divorce the son of a bitch?

WE HAVE BEEN INVADED!

Yes, I was almost invaded myself this morning. I thought well, why not, the rest of the Internet community is always a buzz over selling blog space, I might as well get with it. To tell you the God's truth, and it's shameful, I had moved over to WordPress because I saw in ads that people wanted you to be familiar with it. Then I came back to Blogger and read about this new AdSense thing, and I had been a little bummed that I couldn't use the new Google AdSense I was just dying to try at WordPress so I moved back. Taking my blogs back and forth like a teenage newlywed going back and forth to Mom and Dad's after learning what marriage is really like. Well, now I'm back and I figured today I would get me some of that big money and sign on for AdSense. It was much easier than I had let to believe. I first looked it up in FAQ and boy did that confuse me. I ended up downloading some WordPress template that I had no idea how to install. Finally I figured out it was a "gadget" listed on layout and I only had to make a couple of clicks. And there on my beautiful page with a poem about my daughter and a picture of a wood thrush meant to represent her as she leaves the nest for good, was an ad, first about making big bucks doing some damn thing, and, the second one was about "blogging for dollars". I simply could not live with myself. And for what? Two cents a day? No thank you. If I sell out it's going to be for larger cash. You know I write now for Suite 101.com. I just started freelancing regularly for them. I feel like it's sort of a real job in that I filled out an application with writing samples and got accepted and all that. As you can see from link, I have a profile and a list of my articles and my picture and everything. Well, yesterday I almost pissed where I swim. I was anxious to fill up that list of articles written by me and was lunging around desperate for ideas. I hate when I get like that. I am totally burned out but won't admit it. I had spent three days on that 2,700 word "History of Coffee" piece. (I used three books for reference and a bunch of Internet sites.) I was crunchy. Anyhow, I started doing what I do when I am fresh out of article ideas. I went to 2007 Google Zeitgeist, Google Trends and Hot Trends for the day and previous few days, and then I went to AOL's blog on their day's trends. They were writing and listing bizarre celebrity spa treatments like fanny facials, snake massages, snake venom creams, cupping, nightingale dung facials, lava shell massage, 24-carat gold facials, human placenta facials, hyaluronic acid (key component of human tissue), and, oh, yeah, fish nibbling at your toes pedicures. And let's not forget Demi Moore's admission on Letterman this past March that she went to Austria to have leeches suck the old out of her and then she laid in a bathtub of turpentine to "detoxify" her body. Is a younger man's attention really worth all that? Well, I had names of which celebs did what. (Madonna-placenta, Gwyneth-cupping, snake venom and, I'd say, pretty much whatever; and I even got Oprah down for hyaluronic acid, although I like to think of her as too ethereal for all of that nonsense.) Well I had the thing pretty much written and went to paste it on the little machine that takes the articles. The f'n machine just spun around and the words went into cyberspace. I tried it about three times. It just wouldn't take my junky, crappy, low-life article that was only geared toward keyword optimization and nothing else much really. I woke up grateful today. I am ashamed and sorry, but I still may go write it for Helium. I spent too much time on researching who did what to blow it off completely. I only wish I knew if it were true about Halle Berry putting coffee grinds on her butt to get rid of cellulite. It sounds kind of out there, but what if it's true? Some so-called expert says that because coffee is a stimulant and a diuretic that when applied on the skin it increases blood flow and thus detoxifies and breaks up cellulite. Pretty to think so, eh? Oh, well, it should get me high ratings on Helium for the dish. Damn Helium. They owe me $70 for an article I sold on, get this, the body language of horses. Tell me that didn't take some research. I put in for it weeks ago, before the first of the month, as specified. I actually expected to see it in my PayPal account yesterday. Still not there today. No sign of it in my "earnings" report except as an "adjustment". I sent them an e-mail. If they don't pay up this entire blog may be changed to the Helium.com is a Con and a Thief etc. Blog, making sure I use all the right key words to get it Googled regularly. Ta Ta for now.

"I Look At All the Lonely People. Where Do They All Come From?"

Just a reminder for you poets out there, and those of you who have the heart for poetry but have lacked the nerve. The time is now. Poe announced today that tomorrow begins the annual 30 Poems in 30 days. See last year's line-up: You can post them or take up the offer to do the whole thing privately. It is an opportunity no poet at heart should miss. And September is a great month for poetry if you ask me. The leaves are changing. The wind is blowing that incredible new feeling of beginnings and green hope promise of better days and nights. Pick up that pen/cursor and follow me. And just who are all the lonely people the Beatles asked, and I ask you tonight after reading Google's Zeitgeist 2007. I read it, of course, along with AOL Top Searches, Google Hot Trends and Yahoo Buzz to see what's been going on and maybe still is going on that I can use for an article idea. Yeah, I know it sounds like cheating, but I just started writing for Suite 101.com and I want to see my articles page fill up. Under the category "Top of Mind" in the 2007 Zeitgeist are some disturbing searches. Now remember that these searches have to occur often enough to be recorded as a trend. No single fly-by-night searches count. I want to meet the people who typed these words into the Google search box and comfort them. Here's what they thought Google could help them with: Who is God? What is love? How to kiss? How to dance? How to levitate? not to mention, hello?, "who is this?" Maybe I will just let that last person be. They may have been over-served. But doesn't it just break your heart that people turn to Google to find out who God is, what love is and how to kiss? And just imagine the lonley, gawky teen or pre-teen who wants to go to the dance or just be popular but doesn't have anyone to show him/her how to dance. That is just so unkind of life. Well, frankly, neither did I. I never did learn how to dance either, and, believe me, I was embarrassed to death because of it many the time. I used to just cat around on the floor like I was Mick damn Jagger. Usually I had to be blind drunk to get up and get out there. Then I'd fall down or just plain make a fool of myself. One time I was so damn drunk I fell down and just kept dancing on the floor like it was part of my act. Tsk tsk. The memories of an alcoholic life are not attractive ones. I'm sure that last paragraph will be up on Google tomorrow morning. On a hunch I googled "MsRefusenik" for the first time yesterday. What an eye-opener that was. It was like I had been living with an evil roommate who was systematically sending random bits of embarrassing documents from my computer to Google. Shit I didn't even know existed. Real personal stuff too. Can somebody tell me how you get that stuff off of Google? The last time I had to get something off it was an application form to buy Phentermine with a made up, inflated weight and my age on it. I had to contact the pharmacy to say that I thought that medical records were confidential. Oh no, they assured me, from some foreign port city. Anything that is on the Internet is fair game for online publication. I haven't ordered anything online since. But I was able to get that awful thing off of there. I didn't even want anyone to know I was wasting my money on that crap. (But should you decide to waste your money on this not-bad speed replacement, be sure it is phentermine and not phentramine or some damn synthetic imitation that costs much less.) Thank God I get regular Adderall from my doc now. I really do have ADD. So who are these people who want Google to tell them how to kiss? Could they be any more innocent, sweet and helpless? Again, why is no one there to show them--even if only on their hand. Isn't it one of our inaliable rights? That we know how to kiss before we meet the boy or the girl? And Google just goes right ahead and tells them how to do it in no nonsence terms. There are two Wiki posts on it, and something called videojug has a video on how to kiss passionately. Do you think that is what Mr. or Ms. Lonely Hearts is really looking for? Do they have to be quite so corrupted so swiftly? I can barely stand to tell you what Google spits out for "What is Love?" That's right, the YouTube's Roxbury version of the awful disco song. On a less plaintive note, under Zeitgeist "Ringtones" I have some questions also. Just who are these people looking for "mosquito", "spider pig", "crazy frog", "office" and "silent" ringtones? Please don't stop searching until you find what your heart is seeking.

I'm back. I missed blogging. For some damn reason I have written around 80 articles for Helium.com, 14 in the past week on alternative health for their writing contest. Helium.com About Me/Articles I don't make much money but I can't stop writing because my name is Ms.Refusenik and I am an addicted writer. There is no time. I barely get up to go to the bathroom. It seems like it's noon one minute and four in the morning the next. Nothing to show for it around the house except Diet Coke cans and cigarette butts. I just lose myself, and I bet lots of you bloggers do to.

Here's a really interesting article, if I do say so myself, I wrote this week on the topic of alternative health:

An Introduction to the Integrative Health Movement and the Body's Extraordinary Healing Powers

by MsRefusenik

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, nor to worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly."-Buddha

The body's healing powers are indeed extraordinary when we view our situations with new eyes. We need our inner child's eyes again and be able to see beauty in just one leaf of a tree. We can also work towards healing ourselves by listening in a new way. Now we hear a Bach piece as though for the very first time and it touches us at our core. We need to find new meaning in small things, to appreciate the ordinary, and to delight in our lives again if we are to use the body's miraculous innate powers to heal itself. The body, mind and soul are one and cannot work together towards healing unless they are united. As Buddha says in the above quote: We must learn to live wisely and earnestly. Then our quality of life will improve and so will follow our health.

Norman Cousins' healing experience in the Seventies is a good example of the mind's power over the body. The former editor of The Saturday Review revitalized the belief of the mind on the body in his book Anatomy Of An Illness (Norton, 1979). Cousins had been given a diagnosis of ankylosing spondylitis, a degenerative disease of the connective tissue. He experienced stiffness in his limbs and in nodules on his neck and hands. He suffered adverse reactions to most of the medications he was given.

Cousins finally decided enough was enough and decided to take his health into his own hands. Amazingly, he also won the cooperation of his doctor. He read a lot on the power of positive emotions and the value of vitamin C. He checked out of the hospital and into a hotel. He stopped all medications except for intravenous injections of vitamin C. Then he set out to literally laugh away his illness.

He read funny books. He watched hysterical movies. His visitors worked to tell him the best jokes going around. His symptoms gradually eased and finally he regained most of his freedom of movement. The biblical statement that "a merry heart doeth good like a medicine" proved the answer to his health problems.

Interestingly, he received some 3,000 letters from physicians praising his decision to pursue his own treatment and use his mind over matter healing ideas. More about this reaction that seems to discount Western medicine in a few moments.

The big news in medicine now is similar in that it is alternative to traditional methods and is based on the patient taking charge of his health. The patient is no longer expected to be the passive recipient of services from a doctor in the methods of this new medicine. Physicians in the new field of integrative medicine are assisting people in healing themselves by giving them the tools.

The philosophy behind this new approach to medicine is that people heal best when doctors address the ways biology, psychology, spirituality and lifestyle work together to affect their disease. Practitioners of integrative medicine, who take this new curriculum in some medical schools, work to combine the best proven conventional treatment with well-researched alternative treatments such as meditation, yoga, acupuncture, healing touch and herbal therapy. The results are not only less stress, depression, fatigue and pain for those battling major killers like cancer and heart disease, but significant remission rates.

Integrative-medicine physicians work with the patient not "on" him. A patient might be asked in a one-to-one session to tell the "story" of his years of pain. The physician works to understand the patient's life story. The doctor wants to know about his relationships, how the illness has affected his life, what dreams he has lost due to it and what can be done to regain those dreams.

The idea is that by improving the quality of life, the body takes heart and begins to heal itself. Patients who have been in severe chronic pain for years are finding themselves first lessening their pain medication doses and then discontinuing them entirely.

A new patient entering Texas's M.D. Anderson Cancer Center Place of Wellness would be quite surprised by his non-hospital-like surroundings. He might see a mauve and beige meditation room with mats on the floor for yoga classes. Across the hall he would see a full kitchen set up for instruction in preparing macrobiotic, vegetarian or other healthy ways of eating meals. He might find patients working out in the gym who previously could barely move due to cancer's invasion. Now they want to work off the weight they gained when they could barely move. In a room down the hall an acupuncturist is busy treating someone who is now off of pain medication and believes he owes it to acupuncture. A classroom is set up with samples of fresh herbs to teach herbal therapy. And so on.

None of this is considered weird by anyone here, nor do patient families who have seen e progress find it odd. The physicians themselves are a humble breed. They have come to accept that Western medicine doesn't have all the answers and there is no reason to expect that it would or should. They know that patients need to take an active role in their own healing and let the body's wisdom show them the way to oneness.

Perhaps surprising to some, this movement is being activated by the National Institutes of Health National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine. This agency has funded more than 1,800 research studies at 260 institutions. And last October the journal Academic Medicine published the first list of guiding principles to help doctors and medical students navigate the new world of integrated care. Also, the newly formed Society for Integrative Oncology, an organization of cancer-related health professionals, recently released new scientific guidelines for research in the cancer field.

Andrew Weil, M.D., one of the nation's leading proponents of integrated care and the founder of one of the country's first integrative-medicine training programs, at the University of Arizona in Tucson, calls it, "The revolution in medicine called for years ago."

To find out about the full range of alternative therapies, search the database at the National Center for Complementary and Alternative Medicine at the National Institutes of Health at www.nccam.nih.gov or call 888-644-6226.

My writing peers ranked that one first out of eleven entries. That felt good. I worked hard on that one. Here's another they liked (first out of twelve) about the mind/body connection and healing:

"The power to heal is in us. However we have to decide whether or not we want to use it. As we free ourselves from our limiting beliefs we can change our story and decide to take better care of ourselves." Nutritional Wellness website

A homeopathic physician in the 1850s stated a very simple law that explains the process of how the body heals itself. This law known as Herring's Law states that (1) the body heals itself from the head down, (2) from the inside out and (3) in reverse order of symptoms that has been suppressed for any reason.

Being healthy is a choice not a matter of genetics or luck. This article is geared to give help you choose health. First of all, are you presently experiencing a sense of well-being. Well-being is meant to be our natural state when we get out of the way, avoid toxins, and don't put junk in our lives. Here is how to tell if you have it. You:

* Feel energetic and vital * Feel cheerful, optimistic, enthusiastic and eager * Follow or live your dreams and passion * Feel kind and loving * Feel fulfilled and have peace of mind * Have good mental functioning * Maintain good personal boundaries * Feel cheerful, optimistic, enthusiastic and eager * Follow or live your dreams and passion * Feel kind and loving * Feel fulfilled and have peace of mind * Feel connected to people * Feel at peace with others * Feel your life is balanced *Healthy body weight

This isn't unrealistic. It's your birthright. There are no quick fixes to health, no pill you can take. The "whole person" approach to well-being requires you to look at every aspect of your life and how those aspects interact or affect each other.

If you want to let the mind and spirit do their work of balancing the body and making it and keeping it well, you need to assess:

1.Your thinkingIs is predominately negative or positive? 2.Laughter How often do you really laugh? 3.Feelings Do you drag around emotions like depression, loneliness, stress or grief? 4.Spiritual health Do you suffer from despair, hopelessness, lack of fulfillment or purpose? Do you have a strong spiritual life?

Negatives like the above-mentioned toxins are toxins you are keeping in your life which are preventing the body from healing itself. Health can be defined as a state of optimal physical, mental, spiritual and social well-being.

Your beautiful complex body was created by God with amazing abilities to heal itself on all levels. Of course, you do have to help it some. You can't sit back and light up another Marlboro and sip on another whiskey and wish for perfect health.

There are some basic good sense steps to healing:

The first step is to gather some knowledge. You need a foundation to gain some understanding of how the body heals itself. A lot of things about how the body heals and what it needs to do so you know intuitively. Pay attention to this knowledge. Make changes based on it. Read and learn more.

Relaxation is crucial to health for several reasons. Without it, our brains cannot communicate healing to our cells. When we rest, our bodies automatically start to clean and rebuild new tissue. It is only then that our brain and DNA go to work pulling all the nutrients from all over our body to help us heal and mend the cells that need help. We need rest and relaxation to recuperate from the stress and damage we have caused our bodies. The first sign of illness is restlessness, nervousness and the inability to research a deep level of sleep. Massage is a wonderful relaxer.

We need the basic step of exercising in the fresh air to get and stay well.

We need to develop and stay focused on having a positive attitude. Believe you will be healthy and you will be.

Start eating a more alkaline diet. An alkaline diet is a diet that emphasizes, to a varying degree, fresh fruit, vegetables, roots and tubers, nuts, and legumes.

Our hunter-gatherer ancestors consumed a diet very different from what's typical today. The diet was based on minimally processed plant and animal foods. When animals became domesticated and food began getting processed we started eating a very unhealthful diet.

And I saved one of the most important steps for last. It's detoxification. The body can better repair itself and build new tissue after it rids itself of stored toxins. Toxins can be thought of as any substances in our bodies that are causing harmful effects or putting stress on our biochemical or organ functions. Some we ingest unknowingly, while others we choose to put in our systems. Others come from pollution in the environment or from medications. People with high levels of toxicity may experience headaches, fatigue, insomnia, rashes, and unexplained body aches and pains.

Our bodies naturally eliminate toxins from the system. The liver cleanses debris from the blood. The kidneys also filter the system of toxins. Both must be functioning properly to do their jobs.

Here are a few ways you can start the detox process:

1.Squeeze a whole lemon in 16 ounces of water each morning to help detoxify your liver. 2.Take 1-2 teaspoons of organic apple cider vinegar in 16 ounces of water to help the kidneys detoxify. 3.Exercise until you sweat. This assists the lymphatic system rid itself of toxins and build up the immune system. 4. Take 25-35 grams of fiber daily to help the colon rid itself of toxins. Use both soluble fiber such as psyllium, legumes, oatmeal, skinless fruits and vegetables and insoluble fiber such as whole grains, seeds, and fruits and vegetables.

Healing doesn't start with a trip to the doctor's office. It begins with a thought. Think it now.

You know, dears, Ms. Refusenik worked in doctors' offices and hospitals for years. The stories I could tell. It's no wonder I don't have much use for Western Medicine. Going to the doctor strikes me as the beginning of the end. If you're so sick you have to go see a Western practitioner of medicine, you need a serious alternative healer. Now this brings me to sharing my third pretty good article on Traditional Chinese Medicine and how it is now used here in the U.S. (Also ranked as first by writing peers.)

Traditional Chinese Medicine and its Uses by MsRefusenik

Here's a traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) principle we sure could use in the West: Historically, Chinese doctors were paid for their services when their patients were healthy. This gave preventative medicine precedence over any other practice. Rather than gauging success on eliminating symptoms as they occurred, successful treatment was measured by the patient's continued lack of disease. When the physician had proved his expertise by keeping his patient harmonious with nature, then and only then was he viewed as competent.

TCM originated approximately 4,000 years ago in far east Asia. This area included what are now China, Korea, Japan, Tibet and Vietnam. TCM is, therefore, sometimes also referred to as Oriental Medicine.

TCM takes a deep understanding of the laws of nature and applies them to the human body. It is believed that the root cause of the illness, not the symptoms, must be treated. It is holistic in its approach. It views every aspect of the person-body, mind, spirit and emotions-as part of one complete circle.

In the present time, TCM Medicine serves almost two billion people in far east Asia, the former Soviet Union and Europe. In the U.S. 38 states have scope of practice for National Commission for the Certification of Acupuncture and Oriental Medicine (NCCAOM) or equivalent level practitioners. There are approximately 10,000 NCCA national board certified acupuncturists in this country. There are 14,000 board certified practitioners of TCM in the U.S. alone.

The roots of TCM are considered by most to be in Buddhism, Taoism, and Confucianism. Buddhism, of course, is a religion. Confucianism is a social and political philosophy. Taoism is both a religion and a philosophy.

There are five fundamental principles and applications regarding health and healing. Here are the primary engines of Traditional Chinese Medicine:

*THERE ARE NATURAL LAWS THAT GOVERN THE UNIVERSE You are part of the universe and therefore exist according to and subject to those laws.

*THE NATURAL ORDER OF THE UNIVERSE IS HARMONIOUS AND ORGANIZED. If you live according to its laws you will be harmonious.

*THE UNIVERSE IS DYNAMIC; CHANGE IS A CONSTANT. Lack of change is contrary to the universe and therefore causes illness.

*ALL LIFE IS INTERCONNECTED. Always use a systems approach.

*HUMANS ARE A PART OF THE UNIVERSE, NOT OUTSIDE OF IT. WE ARE INTIMATELY CONNECTED TO THE ENVIRONMENT AND THUS THE UNIVERSE. Your health is affected by your environment.

TCM, unlike medicine in the West, is not a way of dealing with illness and disease. Instead it focuses on achieving health and well-being through the cultivation of harmony within our lives.

TCM is based on the Chinese concept of "Qi" (pronounced "chee"), usually translated as "vital energy". It is also based on the theory of yin and yang, the harmony of opposite elements and forces that make up existence.

Here are some of the TCM treatment modalities most commonly used in the U.S. by practitioners of TCM:

*Acupuncture *Moxibustion *Dermal Friction (called "gua sha") *Cupping *Therapeutic Massage (called "tui na) *Dietary Therapies *Herbal Therapies *Meditation and Quiet Mind Cultivation (Qi Gong)

Acupuncture, we all know, is the insertion of fine needles through the skin at specific points in the body with the idea of manipulating Qi. Qi can thus better flow through the body.

Acupuncture is used to treat: *pain *injury *trauma *repetitive strain conditions like carpal tunnel syndrome *headache *rheumatoid and osteoarthritis *back pain and sciatica *fibromyalgia *dysmenorrhea and other gynecological conditions *asthma *post-operative and chemotherapy nausea *stroke rehabilitation *patients undergoing recovery from addiction and substance abuse

Acupuncture made news last week at the Olympics. When Canadian gymnastics coach Tony Smith arrived in the Olympic village for the festivities, his primary concern was the medal potential for his students.

Coach Smith was a long time sufferer of low back pain and had learned to just try to accept the pain after so many various treatments failed to make a difference. He was treated at the clinic in the Olympic village. He was absolutely amazed that after just one acupuncture treatment his lower back pain simply vanished.

Moxibustion is a form of heat therapy in which dried plant materials called "moxa" are burned on or very near the surface of the skin. The intention is to warm and invigorate the flow of Qi in the body and dispel certain pathogenic influences.

Dermal friction (called "gua sha") is a method of practice that involves increasing circulation at the surface of the skin by means of "scraping" the skin vigorously with a blunt -edged object.

Cupping applies suction to the surface of the body to draw out pathogenic factors or to invigorate the flow of Qi at the surface of the body.

Therapeutic massage ("tui na") refers to a wide range of TCM therapeutic massage and body work. It is meant to address patterns of disharmony. It is often used for the same reasons and according to the same principles as acupuncture.

Dietary therapies - Dietary considerations have always been of great importance in TCM. Sun Si Miao, the great Tang dynasty physician, advised doctors to first tend to their patients' diet and lifestyle before intervening in other manners.

Herbal therapies - Next to dietary therapy, herbal therapy is the most widely used TCM treatment modality. TCM uses herbal therapies in the treatment of illness as well as the optimization of health and prevention of disease.

Perhaps you think as you read this that you will never know the benefits of treatment with TCM. You might be surprised to find yourself offered treatment with it when you are next in the hospital. More and more U.S. hospitals are now using integrative or complementary medicine which includes TCM. Some of the world class hospitals using it are Stanford, UCLA, Duke, Sloan-Kettering and the Mayo Clinic. Physicians are taking integrative medicine curricula in medical school now, acknowledging, finally, that Western medicine does not have all the answers.

I enjoyed sharing some of my writing with you. I hope you learned a couple of things you found engaging. Why not look into writing for Helium.com, why don't you? Please use my invitation form so I get a little commission, you know what I'm saying: An Invitation to Come and Write for Helium

Time to get back to work. It's great being the boss. I want to write 2,650 words about the history of coffee. Okay, I really don't want to all that much. It's a little boring. I never did care much for history. But it pays $216. The publisher wants it to read like a documentary, no kidding. If you're interested in posted in Helium's Marketplace at:The History of Coffee