Hooray! This Ugly Duckling May Have A Swan Family After All.

I have just started reading "The New Yorker," and I have no idea why my mind was closed to this mental feast of reading pleasure for all these years.  Actually I think it is written for my ilk:  former English majors who didn't take education courses because they didn't want to teach.  They just wanted to read literature and for college credit until the university insisted they take a degree, and move on to the horror of horrors real world.  Professors in quite a few of the arts, sciences and humanities read this remarkably interesting and always surprising publication, as do artists, actors, waitpersons on their way to a dream, fans of Rimbaud as if he had walked among us around the time that Allen Ginsberg did, and coverage of things like walking animals made out of plastic tubes that is hard to come by in many magazines.

  I was particularly struck by a book review this week from the August 15, 2011 issue.. (I buy them for ten cents each at the library, the way I buy most everything: recycled.)   The book review is enticingly titled after the old Peggy Lee standard, "Is That All There Is?  Secularism and Its Discontents, by New Yorker critic and Harvard professor James Woods.  The book he is reviewing is a compilation of 11 essays on secularism and its place in the world today called "The Joy of Secularism  11 Essays for Living Now" (Princeton $35) by George Levine.  But do yourself a favor and read Woods' review which you can link to here.  It gained my rapt attention not only because of the quality of the writing and the well thought out theories, but because my A-hole brother-in-law Richard had just called me for the first time in six to eight months to tell me that my sister, his wife, and he were concerned that my blog was getting secular.

I wasn't even sure what that could mean since I don't practice religion, don't believe in a religion and have no use for religion, so how could I be getting "secular" if I never was religious?  Do I understand the term correctly?  I do believe, however, like many whole and complete, growing human beings who works to raise her consciousness and help mankind evolve as a species, that I am a spiritually centered person who, I hope, is always spiritually growing.  I'll get back to this. First I want to bitch and gossip because I'm not a saint yet.  I make progress not perfection.

I was so surprised by his out of character phone call that I immediately thought something had happened to my sister or one of her children or grandchildren.  But he said no, that wasn't why he was calling. He wanted to know, he asked with an evil laugh, "Do you even read that blog?"

What does he think I'm going to say, "No I just work here?"  I not only read it, but I meditate over the topic, content, light a candle or two on my desk for the people out there whom I hope will be helped by the post, and I pray and ask my higher power, whom I choose to call God, when I'm not calling her Cosmo, to please let me know what she would have me say not what my big ego wants to focus on, which is always me.  I get answers.  I get ideas, words, and sometimes things flow.  I feel I have accomplished something for that day, and may have helped one person who was struggling, in pain or worried or depressed--whatever.

Richard was "commenting" by phone on my last blog posting which was about getting back to spiritual and recovery basics.  There is no keeping me from talking about me, I'm sad to say, and I also just had to mention all the artsy fartsy things I've been enjoying doing like art journaling, scrapbooking and decoupaging.  I mentioned that my first plan was to decoupage pictures of the planets, stars, galaxies, etc. onto the top of my coffee table.  But when I laid it out I was underwhelmed.  I followed my intuition and decided to go with fish of all types and colors. It came out very nice.

Anyhow Richard also wanted to tell me how great, awesome and miraculous a star is, and I agree.  Does that mean that just because he is a fundamentalist reborn Christian I am not supposed to use pictures of nature's wonders in my art?  Is it like how dare I think myself worthy of pasting pictures of planets and stars when I am only an unreborn non-Christian, non-religious person?  Is that it?

Just then my daughter called from out of state and I wanted to talk to her, and frankly was less than enthralled in keeping this conversation in all its weirdness going.  Before he hung up though, when I finally realized that he may have been sober and clean a lot of years but now in his sixties he was definitely smoking something and wetting his whistle while he was at it, and maybe throwing in some hard drugs, because he was out of his ever lovin' mind.  He told me again about how worried he and Maureen are about my secularism, and that within two days I would receive a letter but it wouldn't be from him.  I guess Jesus was going to write me a special letter on account of what a special friend he was to Richard. Either that or one of those crooked, sex-starved, dishonest creepy reborn hedonist like Jim and Tammy Faye Baker were coming back to life just to have a private word with me.













Is That All There Is?

Secularism and its discontents.

by August 15, 2011



James Woods, Harvard academic and literary critic at the New Yorker, offers a fascinating review of The Joys of Secularism: 11 Essays for How We Live Now, a recent collection of essays apposite to Taylor’s claim. Edited by George Levine, the collection suggests that secularism is not a negation of meaning; instead, it has the potential to fill that spiritual lack that Taylor laments. The purpose of the collection is to “explore the idea that secularism is a positive, not a negative, condition, not a denial of the world of spirit and of religion, but an affirmation of the world we’re living in now.”


===========================
http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/atlarge/2011/08/15/110815crat_atlarge_wood?currentPage=all
In more recent years, this decidedly lugubrious conception of secular society has given way to nostalgia for God and meaning from without. Canadian philosopher Charles Taylor, in his 2007 work A Secular Age, presents a nuanced position on secularism, suggesting that the rational-empirical turn that led to our secularization and disenchantment is both an achievement and a predicament. Yes, we have neuroscience and evolutionary psychology that explain life pragmatically. But, according to Taylor, the fact that we can no longer look outside of our phenomenal world for answers makes it hard to experience spiritual “fulfillment” in the same way that our ancestors did. Our increasingly reductionist world is making it easier and easier to explain away notions like altruism in a neuroscientific language that fails to account for its nobility.


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What Is Secular Humanism?

Secular Humanism is a term which has come into use in the last thirty years to describe a world view with the following elements and principles:
  • A conviction that dogmas, ideologies and traditions, whether religious, political or social, must be weighed and tested by each individual and not simply accepted on faith.
  • Commitment to the use of critical reason, factual evidence, and scientific methods of inquiry, rather than faith and mysticism, in seeking solutions to human problems and answers to important human questions.
  • A primary concern with fulfillment, growth, and creativity for both the individual and humankind in general.
  • A constant search for objective truth, with the understanding that new knowledge and experience constantly alter our imperfect perception of it.
  • A concern for this life and a commitment to making it meaningful through better understanding of ourselves, our history, our intellectual and artistic achievements, and the outlooks of those who differ from us.
  • A search for viable individual, social and political principles of ethical conduct, judging them on their ability to enhance human well-being and individual responsibility.
  • A conviction that with reason, an open marketplace of ideas, good will, and tolerance, progress can be made in building a better world for ourselves and our children.

How Do Secular Humanists View Religious and Supernatural Claims?

Secular humanists accept a world view or philosophy called naturalism, in which the physical laws of the universe are not superseded by non-material or supernatural entities such as demons, gods, or other "spiritual" beings outside the realm of the natural universe. Supernatural events such as miracles (in which physical laws are defied) and psi phenomena, such as ESP, telekinesis, etc., are not dismissed out of hand, but are viewed with a high degree of skepticism.

Are Secular Humanists Atheists?

Secular humanists are generally nontheists. They typically describe themselves as nonreligious. They hail from widely divergent philosophical and religious backgrounds.
Thus, secular humanists do not rely upon gods or other supernatural forces to solve their problems or provide guidance for their conduct. They rely instead upon the application of reason, the lessons of history, and personal experience to form an ethical/moral foundation and to create meaning in life. Secular humanists look to the methodology of science as the most reliable source of information about what is factual or true about the universe we all share, acknowledging that new discoveries will always alter and expand our understanding of it and perhaps change our approach to ethical issues as well. In any case their cosmic outlook draws primarily from human experiences and scientific knowledge.

What Is The Origin of Secular Humanism?

Secular humanism as an organized philosophical system is relatively new, but its foundations can be found in the ideas of classical Greek philosophers such as the Stoics and Epicureans as well as in Chinese Confucianism. These philosophical views looked to human beings rather than gods to solve human problems.
During the Dark Ages of Western Europe, humanist philosophies were suppressed by the political power of the church. Those who dared to express views in opposition to the prevailing religious dogmas were banished, tortured or executed. Not until the Renaissance of the fourteenth to seventeenth centuries, with the flourishing of art, music, literature, philosophy and exploration, would consideration of the humanist alternative to a god-centered existence be permitted. During the Enlightenment of the eighteenth century, with the development of science, philosophers finally began to openly criticize the authority of the church and engage in what became known as "free thought."
The nineteenth century Freethought movement of America and Western Europe finally made it possible for the common citizen to reject blind faith and superstition without the risk of persecution. The influence of science and technology, together with the challenges to religious orthodoxy by such celebrity freethinkers as Mark Twain and Robert G. Ingersoll brought elements of humanist philosophy even to mainline Christian churches, which became more concerned with this world, less with the next.
In the twentieth century scientists, philosophers, and progressive theologians began to organize in an effort to promote the humanist alternative to traditional faith-based world views. These early organizers classified humanism as a non-theistic religion which would fulfill the human need for an ordered ethical/philosophical system to guide one's life, a "spirituality" without the supernatural. In the last thirty years, those who reject supernaturalism as a viable philosophical outlook have adopted the term "secular humanism" to describe their non-religious life stance.
Critics often try to classify secular humanism as a religion. Yet secular humanism lacks essential characteristics of a religion, including belief in a deity and an accompanying transcendent order. Secular humanists contend that issues concerning ethics, appropriate social and legal conduct, and the methodologies of science are philosophical and are not part of the domain of religion, which deals with the supernatural, mystical and transcendent.

Secular humanism, then, is a philosophy and world view which centers upon human concerns and employs rational and scientific methods to address the wide range of issues important to us all. While secular humanism is at odds with faith-based religious systems on many issues, it is dedicated to the fulfillment of the individual and humankind in general. To accomplish this end, secular humanism encourages a commitment to a set of principles which promote the development of tolerance and compassion and an understanding of the methods of science, critical analysis, and philosophical reflection.
For a detailed discussion of secular humanism, refer to the following books written by philosopher and Council of Secular Humanism founder Paul Kurtz and published by Prometheus Books:
  • The Transcendental Temptation
  • Forbidden Fruit: The Ethics of Humanism
  • Living Without Religion: Eupraxophy
  • In Defense of Secular Humanism

"What is Secular Humanism" was written by Fritz Stevens, Edward Tabash, Tom Hill, Mary Ellen Sikes, and Tom Flynn.

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Getting Back to the Basics That Saved My Life and Can Change Yours

I am reading a  life-altering book in terms of spiritual growth.  I haven't been this excited since I discovered Marianne Williamson.  Now I've read Julia Cameron before, particularly, "The Artist's Way," and some of her other books on creativity.  I always gain a lot from her sharing her experience, hope and strength of her recovery.  But I recently read an interview with her in a writing magazine, and I learned she had written a book called "Faith and Will: Weathering the Storms in Our Spiritual Lives," which you can get in hardcover from Amazon (here) new copy for $2.56 and used for $1.70.  It speaks about what happens when you are left wondering where your higher power has gone to.  You're just not feeling that old connection.  You'd like to do His will, but He's not letting you know what it is as far as you know.
          There are clues as to why this might be other than the old standard, "Who moved?" when God is
          missing.  She writes, "Most of us are too hurried to know God.  And yet we act as if God is too
          hurried to know us."  She's right of course.  It's not God, our Higher Power, or the Creator who
          is afraid of missing Pilates at the health club at 2:00 so you can get in the step workout at 3:00.
         "It is we who have abandoned God."  She adds, "It is easy to be addicted to anxiety.  It is easy
         to make worry our home vibration."  "Just for today, I am going to reach out toward God.  Just for
         today, I am going to act as if I am a believer."

         
         Just as love, I know,  is a decision, Cameron writes here that faith is a decision.

       
        Just remember that we are right where we are supposed to be in the here and now.  God, the world,
        your significant other, aren't going to finally love you in a few years when you are a perfect human
        being.  They love you as you are, right now, this minute, and never forget it.


        
        I need people--writers and teachers--like Julia Cameron to bring me back and help me remember
        what's important. Like only worrying about taking the next right step.  That's all I have to worry about.
        After that I don't know what happens.  I'll know when I get there. 


   
        Cameron suggests we reunite with our H.P. by praying something like this, "Dear God, I want to be
         united with you.  Here's where I am at right now:  (List what you're doing that doesn't feel good.  You
         won't shock God.  He's heard it all.  List your failings you need to have removed.  Ask for help to
         forgive yourself and others and to be forgiven.  Ask for guidance and follow it.


--------------------

I have been caught up in arts and crafts suddenly.  I decoupaged a flowerpot, and now want to decoupage either fish or stars on my coffee table.  I am art journaling up a storm and releasing so much it's like writing my memoirs.  I am even scrapbooking.  I've been reading about why you should do scrapmoir as a form of memoir and I'm sold.  Listen to this insightful quote I didn't just come across at the same time: 








                                 "No man can know where he is going unless he knows exactly
                                  where he has been and exactly how he arrived at his present
                                  place." --Maya Angelou

I am learning so much about my healed and still healing places.  I am putting together a newer, stronger, more flexible version of me and I feel open, free and joyful while I shape the pieces and figure out where each goes. Last night I did a lot of scrapbook pages on some people who have made a difference on the journey of my life.  It was good to stop and recall and write a few words.  I still love many of them.  I even made a tiny beaded necklace to wear among a certain group of groovy peace, love and good drugs old pals. It's amazing the creativity that comes out once you get going. 

I'm cheating on my scrapmoirs and I'm glad.  I started it some time ago and then let it collect dust because I lost interest in it.  No wonder I lost interest.  It was a very boring project that went from my birth to preschool, grade school, and quit just when things were going to get good as a teenager.  But then I had to think about my first husband, getting married at 18, being so poor, a miscarriage--just so many sad things I didn't feel like jazzing on.  Instead I did a page on a few of my lifetime jobs and then went into adult friends, which is where I still am.  It won't be a normal scrapbook or scrapmoir.  I have the feeling I'd be utterly bored if I were to take a class in it--same for art journaling.  It conflicts with one of my new favorite quotes that I hung up on my desk over my monitor: 

              "Don't play what's there.  Play what's not there."  Solid advice from Mr. Miles Davis, who knew.

So go do the next right thing.  I hope for the benefit of your inner child it's something creative.  I just bought some fingerpaints, and they felt good.  I felt five again.






 
     

    

The Trash to Treasure Seed I Buzzed Tonight




  • I had to choose this seed to buzz.  This week alone I have decoupaged an old flowerpot I got for a buck at a rummage sale and I painted my TV table and am getting ready to decoupage it.  I can't wait to come back and see the finished "treasure" of what you do with these trashy finds.


    This is the seed I buzzed through the Buzz Program.  I was very impressed with how popular this blog is, and how much they fix up and send back into the world beautified.  

    Here's what my 300 characters I was limited to said:
    The best thing I have found was in my very own apartment dumpster.  I believe my personal recovery from alcohol and drugs has transformed me from a cocoon to a butterfly.  One day I was feeling in need of a sign to remind me of what a miracle I am.  Right there, clean and pristine, on top of the garbage, was an iridescently beautiful, sparkly, huge butterfly from legs and antenna to wings.  I knew it was right where it was just for me to find and bring home and put up on my wall where I could see it and be reminded of just what a miracle I am.  I cried when I found that. 



    Well I'm happy to say The Pink Flamingo has reached the 100 mark on our Facebook page and like I said after reaching 100 fans I would do a Give Away. So here ya go.It's simple and easy and that's ohhh so how I like things. All you have to do is tell your friends that you are tryi

Time for Renewal and Rebirth?

"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for enough good people to do nothing."--Edmond Burke.


 I saw this symbol of rebirth (above)  flying over my head one day this week and I knew I had just been visited.  In case I wasn't being mindful enough, I "happened" (synchronicity at work)  to come across a blurb on the Internet saying the Monarch was the symbol of rebirth. It's also a symbol for the soul and some cultures like the Chinese believe your soul comes back as a butterfly.
"Oh Lord, I feel like a change is gonna come."
♫ ♪ ♫

There are signs, symbols, books opened to pages about rebirth and change, and intuitive feelings afloat.  Here's how it is, "Every morning, we have a choice:  Will I seek out God's plan today or will I go about my day as a slave to my ego's agenda?"  (from: "The Gift of Change," by Marianne Williamson--Subtitle: "Spiritual Guidance for Living Your Best Life," also 0.1 cent used).

I had an epiphany this morning, and now I am setting aside my top ten priorities, my 40 some goals, my day's activities that I have posted, and my to-do list.  It is time to become a "conduit for the miraculous" and let God use me for His plan. (or Her plan, but actually there is no pronoun that fits).

Marianne Williamson writes that as soon as we start asking how we can help with God's plan, rather than asking for help with our plan, things get better.  Miracles happen.  Am I willing to put my own plans aside in favor of supporting God's plan for me and for the world?  I do believe I am. .

My own plans haven't been working out.  In fact, they are mostly stalled.  I rarely get more than one or two things done on my long, 20-30 items to-do list.  I've been beating my spirit, mind and heart with guilt, regret, remorse and frustration, and today the light dawned:  I'm not supposed to do the ego's bidding.  I need to focus on what God wants me to do in a larger plan designed by God.

God wants me to stay sober--I'm sure of that.  God wants me to practice love, forgiveness and compassion  I believe.  Does God care if I write a bestseller or even have a book published?  I have my doubts.  God doesn't seem to care all that much about our "needs" for security, prestige and romance as much as whether we love and forgive.
I think my newest plan is something God wants for my life.  I "happened" (synchronicity) to see an intriguingly titled book at the library called "Stick Your Neck Out," by John Graham.  It is subtitled, "Street-Smart Guide to Creating Change in Your Community and Beyond:  Service As A Path of A Meaningful Life."  I am right now ordering a copy of this must-have book for 0.1 cent from Amazon.  It has everything you need to get started making the change in the world that  you want to see by beginning by being that change, as the bumper stickers say.  This book includes: how to choose your issue(s), the meaningful life path, deciding on the form of your participation and so on including making your plan, building your team, giving persuasive speeches, getting institutions to do what you want, and public testimony and legal action.  I need to own this book so I can refer to it along the way of changing one small corner of my world. 

Don't know what issue to choose to work towards?  Start with progressive publications like AlterNet.com and their section on activism and vision or Op-Ed News.com.  Or just read your local newspaper or a copy of a news magazine.  Pick something that really turns you on, that you can be excited about, because you want this to be for the long haul. It will take your time and your energy.

  
One of my issues is going to be safe food, food that is free of cancer-causing pesticides and herbicides.  There are already organizations in existence working on this issue, and I can check them out.  I probably don't need to reinvent the wheel unless I want to for some reason.
  
Decide on your issue(s) and/or order "Stick Your Neck Out," and make a difference in your life and in the world.  We do because we love.  Isn't that every soul's mission on Plant Earth: Bootcamp for Souls, as I call it?
           
I have a quote posted in a prominent place on my desk that is another Marianne Williamson quote: "We need to remember this: If God has given you a job to do, she will provide the means by which to accomplish it.  All we have to do is ask what she wants us to do and be willing to do it."  Don't worry if you are a semi-hermit and can't imagine getting out among others to work for your cause.  The courage will come. Don't worry if you are not the best writer, organizer, speaker or publicist.  Let God mind those details.  Just choose an issue and get started by doing research on the history of the problem, what has been tried with what results, organizations that work for this issue, etc. Then start signing up, volunteering, reading more about where and what help is needed for that cause, getting people in your community or even nationally to work for the answer to the problem, guiding and directing others who want to help, raising money if necessary, and so on.

Wear yourself out on this. "Better to burn out than to rust," as Neil Young sang.  You will be happier if living a more meaningful life of accomplishment.  Ask any volunteer or someone who works in the social services for starters.  They will tell you the work that you do to create positive change will bring joy into your life.  It will wake you up if you're sleeping, make you mindful if you're not paying attention to what's going on.  It may stir controversy, but you will find courage.

Here's a prayer or mindful meditation from A Course In Miracles:

"Where would you have me go?
What would you have me do?
What would you have me say and to whom?"

How wonderful to be used, of some use to yourself and others!  Everyone knows that kind of fulfillment brings joy into the most desolate, self-pitying, wasteful life or even your average busy life.

"We look to God to give us new life when the old one has begun to die," (Change).  There could be a wonderful reason your current life plan is failing or just not working out the way you had hoped.  Dreams only die if you let them.  Transform.  Become new.  Be reborn.  Put a photo or painting of a Monarch Butterfly somewhere where you'll be reminded that you are being reborn in the spirit.  (No, I am not talking about reborn Christians.)

When everything seems blah, boring, and you feel worthless or just over the hill, then you are ready for rebirth.

Buddhism says it's not so much what we achieve that gives meaning to our existence, but we at least die trying to do. Jump in.  The water will feel exhilarating, fresh.

I'll leave you with this perfect prayer for this purpose: the purpose of your life:

Dear God, (or Universe, or Higher Power, or Cosmo...whatever you're comfortable with),

"If left to my own devices, my perceptions will be skewed.
I surrender to you everything I think and feel.
Please take my past, and plan my future.
Send your Spirit to redeem my mind,
That I might be set free.
May I be Your vessel
And serve the world.
May I become who You would have me be,
That I might do what you would have me do.
And I will, dear God." (Change)

Amen

Take even a baby step towards being part of the solution today while you're thinking about it.





















A Superiority Complex Combined with An Inferiority Complex and A.A.

Painting:  The Man On the Bed
Famous in A.A. Program and frequently hung on meeting room walls
It is picture of first two A.A. members in a hospital trying to help number three find sobriety.

It's official.  I have the personality and thinking patterns of an alcoholic.  I haven't wet my whistle in some time,  but I found out today that I fit right in with the other misfit sober drunks in  Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.).  Doctors and psychologists have described alcoholics as suffering with a superiority complex coupled with an inferiority complexes..  The result is a desperate grandiosity to prove self-worth.  We want to show the world we're better than they thought we were, and they didn't think much of us.  We want to do big, important things that will give us more than our fair share of fame, wealth, prestige, security and romance.  Some of us once wanted to be King of the World.  After being sober a while many will settle for prince or princess of the world unless the honesty required to stay sober has taught them some humility.

Take me, for example.  I am now willing to give up the notion of writing the greatest American novel everl, and becoming a literary giant.  I will "settle" for having a stable of bestsellers and being interviewed on TV by  David Letterman and Charlie Rose. Naturally,   I  hope that the right publications will give my books glowing reviews, and fill my fat head with far-fetched tribute phrases to keep me warm on cold nights.  But enough about me for now.

This is a true story of the Pandora's box of wet dreams, greedy, self-important, delusional thinking that some early A.A. members opened after Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.) became internationally famous and respected for its ability to get even lost causes sober.    A.A. helped restore these early members to a functional place in society, business and family life that they had long given up hope of ever seeing again. They were amazed at this miracle, and some figured there had to be a way to cash in on this great success, especially after Jack Alexander's March 1, 1941 article "Alcoholics Anonymous" (http://www.aa.org/catalog.cfm?origpage=180&product=35)
in the Saturday Evening Post.  This very positive article about just how successful the A.A. program was in getting drunks sober became hugely popular.  Their was a national and international surge of interest in the A.A. program.

In 1941 A.A. was six years old and there were approximately 2,000 men and women who belonged to it, as compared to the 2,000,000 recovering people in A.A. worldwide today.  The article stressed how A.A. seemed to work because one drunk, now sober, helped another.  Service was and is the foundation of the fellowship.  (Meanwhile, some 70 years later there is new research proving have  what makes A.A. work: helping others.)

John D. Rockefeller took an interest in A.A. when it was new and struggling. He did contribute to the group's early support.  But Rockefeller stressed to group members the importance of A.A.'s paying their own way, and not looking to be supported in their endeavors by outside contributions  A.A. took this advice to heart and created Tradition Seven: "Every A.A. group ought to be fully self-supporting, declining outside contributions."  This tradition, as well as is one of the 12 traditions or principles of A.A. are still followed today.

 The A.A. members learned the hard way that they needed Tradition Six: "An A.A. group ought never to endorse, finance, or lend the A.A. name to any related facility or outside enterprise, lest problems of money, property and prestige divert us from our primary purpose."  Getting back to the Pandora's box that was opened and the results which eventually led to the inclusion of this tradition, all hell broke loose after the Alexander article hit the streets.

At this time there were some 2,000 members, mostly all former falling down drunks and some skid row bums who had achieved sobriety through the program.  They were back behind their executive desks, driving their trucks and taxis, waiting on customers and generally succeeding at earning an income. Their families loved them again, and most forgave them, especially as the disease concept of alcoholism became well known.   Alexander did point out the theory of some that alcoholism could be compared to having an allergy.  An alcoholic had a similar negative reaction to their allergen, alcohol. Or, as the old joke heard around the church basements of A.A. meetings goes, "Yeah, I had an allergy to alcohol. If I drank I would break out.  I broke out in bars, clubs, restaurants, at home and even at work."

A great many of these sobered up drunks took A.A.'s new popularity and earned respect to heart.  They felt that A.A. could do more for the world than just get a few drunks sober here and there.   These recovering people got together and decided that now that A.A. was officially a success it could do more.   Why not unleash the full potential of A.A.?  They reasoned that they should go into business, and/or  finance any enterprise in the field of alcoholism,  They felt they had a responsibility to pay it forward cause whose time had come.

Some of the plans they came up with for how to get more deserving folks into the A.A. program were:

1.  They would build their own hospital chain.  (Don't we have some of those A.A.-based chains today?  A.A. itself might not finance or control these hospitals, but a person who went in for rehab would soon learn treatment was the A.A. way or go out and drink again.  They are offered no alternatives or choices.)

2.  They would educate the public about alcoholism, and rewrite school and medical textbooks.

3.  They would gather up the derelicts from Skid Rows, sort them out into groups of those who were losers and didn't have a chance and those they thought could get well.  They would make it possible for these chosen few to make their livelihood in a rarefied, if somewhat quarantined, confinement away from all temptation.  These new businesses would make large sums of money, and finance other good works for alcoholics.

4.  They quite seriously pontificated about changing the laws of the land in line with the view that alcoholics are not bad people, they are sick.  This would stop drunks from getting thrown in jails.  Judges would parole them into the custody of A.A. members and groups.  (This actually is the case, as anyone who has ever received a D.U.I. and been mandated to attend A.A. meetings can tell you.)

5. They further saw themselves branching out into dope addiction and criminality despite the stated and well-known to them "primary principle" of A.A. which was written in the A.A. preamble as, "Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."  Pretty clear to many,  but not all, of the recovering people..

6. They reasoned that A.A. could cure anything.  Hadn't it turned their own lives around?  They would start A.A. groups for the depressives and paranoid mentally ill. . A.A. could handle misfits, crazies, those estranged from society and other misfits the sicker the better to prove the point. They reasoned, by God, if alcoholism could be licked, so could any problem if it used the A.A. program.

7.  Some of them envisioned an utopia where laborers and capitalists would love one another.

8.  The absolute honesty they must practice to remain sober, might even be applied to those in politics and a clean-up there.

9.  They enjoyed their newfound happiness and just knew they could teach others how to get and stay happy.

10.  They would endorse products and even take the opportunity to do P.R. for liquor companies that were requesting such representation to show the irresponsible drinker the virtues of moderate drinking.  Although most did not touch a drop of alcohol, and none would ever achieve moderate drinking status based on the well-known fact that you can't turn a pickle into a cucumber again, somehow the liquor companies thought they were the people to speak to the irresponsible imbibers. Being endorsed by A.A. and recommended by sober group members would build their company's reputation and esteem in the public's eyes they believed.

Dreams die hard, of course, and it took some very bad experiences to get these early A.A. members, some still a bit mentally and emotionally under the influence, to realize the error of their ways and end the grandiose plans.  They knew that the proposed A.A. liquor company reps could well end up drunk, resulting in an undesirable alteration in public opinion.  They ended up taking the name of A.A. off halfway houses and clubs where there had been a few too many relapses to continue without tarnishing A.A.'s good reputation.  Some members went to Bill Wilson, the co-founder of A.A., and asked about becoming alcoholism counselors in hospitals where they could receive a salary for their experience, strength and hope.  In fact, Bill himself had been invited by one hospital to work in this capacity. He had seriously considered it and was excited at the prospect until he realized he could not cash in on his A.A. experience without doing harm to the program.  (Many hospital A.A. counselors  today don't seem bothered by their consciences though.)

The honesty and humility that these early members of A.A. learned from the 12 steps, brought them to the realization that they were, as the kids say today, tripping with their crazy ideas and plans for A.A.  Recovering people didn't flock to become hospital founders or even sobriety counselors, and A.A. remained untarnished by greed and hubris.

A.A. members know they are all one drink or drug away from a total relapse.  Their sobriety, they learn in twelve step programs, is contingent on their spiritual condition.  The members of A.A. in 1941 finally accepted that they were tripping and that their ideas were based on character defects they needed to have removed.  One man who was invited by a distillery to represent the company went to Bill W. and asked if he should do it.  It was a case of merely having to hear one's self speak lunacy aloud to another and finally having the lights come on.  He didn't do it, of course.

I got a kick from this story of human weaknesses, character defects, greed and extravagant pride because I could relate.  I never wanted to be a worker among workers, or a cog in the wheel. I always wanted to be the star of the show and most of the production.  In his article, mostly a glowing tribute to A.A. and its members, Alexander felt compelled to mention the general emotional immaturity of the alcoholic until he begins to grow up by working A.A.'s 12 steps.

 I wanted to find the cure for cancer, but without taking all the tedious science and medial classes and doing painstaking research.  If the truth be told, I most wanted to be a literary lion with a long trail of bestsellers and appearances on David Letterman and Charlie Rose.  Writing was hard work though, and I wanted to find an easier way to become a famous, wealthy author that didn't involve so much time and energy, well, writing, for starters.  I wanted fame and wealth to come and strike me like a lightening bolt.  I thought about the interviews that enterprising reporters would do with my family, friends, former acquaintances and coworkers who all agreed that they just saw that flash of rare brilliance in me and knew I would shine someday.  I really liked imagining those interviews and the letters to the editors of book review publications about my early signs of extreme talent.But right now I needed to take a nap.

If I had been an A.A. member in the eaely days, I imagine I would give high-priced speeches on the secrets of finding sobriety despite the fact that I only learned the secret was to surrender when the shards of my life were down around my ankles and I wasn't fit for human companionship.  Who wouldn't surrender when it got bad enough?  Hitting bottom is a rude, rude wake-up call to either grow up or die.

I would have been chasing that A.A. gravy train though even if I had to do it still half in the bag and thinking pathetic mush.
I would have liked to educate the masses on how alcoholics should be treated in this society.  I'd rather teach than be a doer, that's for sure.

The ugly truth of this story is that I did once take that I also wanted to cash in on A.A.'s success by  working as a certified substance abuse counselor for ten years.  In this capacity I used little of what I learned about Counseling Psychology in graduate school, and mostly answered patient questions about the length of my sobriety, my personal story of losing all and regaining my life, and sharing humorous anecdotes about some of the insane things I did while high.  These conversations brought me a decent income and some status, even as the two hats I wore grew heavier and more cumbersome.  Finally, I decided I never drank or drugged as bad as most of my patients, and I could afford to have just one drink.  That led to my losing everything sobriety had given me.  I lost my husband, custody of my children, became homeless, unemployable and ill and lost the hope that I could ever return to the beautiful sober life I had enjoyed for 15 years.

These circa 1941 recovering alcoholics seem not to have had to ride their delusions into relapses, and I imagine that when they looked back at their thinking during that time they could only attribute this fact to the grace of God.

Many hospital treatment programs cash in or seem to on A.A.'s reputation by using their 12 step program as a treatment model and getting all patients, and clients into mandatory meetings as soon as they stop throwing up and shaking after detox.  But Alcoholics Anonymous is not responsible for this commercial abuse.  A.A. should not be regarded as greedy and money-seeking on this account.  They still only get the one dollar or two at most that members put in the basket at meetings to cover literature, and the expenses of keeping the thing going with paid staff workers who are non-A.A.  Who or what will next attempt to get rich quick on the 12 steps is only a matter of waiting to see.

I believe I have been restored to sanity and just want to leave this world a little better than I found it and I don't plan on getting any public accolades for doing so.






Jump for Joy

Joy is not just for children.  Do you have a joyful life?  I believe it is part of the divine plan to have joyful lives all of our days.  There are many signs and wonders pointing to this conclusion:  Love, babies being born, the sunsets and sunrises, the oceans and lakes and rivers; the variety of beautiful birds, fish and wildlife, rainbows, music, art and so much more all around you.  But are you appreciating it and feeling the joy?


Sometimes we have mean inner critics and scolds in our head who have the voice of a parent, teacher, or spouse, and these tell us we don't deserve joy.  Wake up.  Joy is there in abundance for all of us and it doesn't depend on your worthiness.  The higher power and the universe don't play that nasty way.  It's all given to you because you are loved unconditionally.


What pleasures are you foregoing because you feel too guilty or unworthy to take part in going after them?  If reading or writing is a great joy for you, don't allow yourself to feel like you should be doing something less fun, more boring, and thankless like cleaning house or decluttering.  Puhleeze.  That's your grandmother's voice telling you that you must be a human doing not human being.  Women especially are or used to be thought to keep it all together for a family.  The mother couldn't take a day off to wander in the woods looking for faries and journaling.  She should be ironing sheets and pillowcases or cleaning in back of the stove.  What total shit.


Men can take themselves too serious too because they think of themselves as the breadwinners, sometimes even if their wives make more money than they do.  Still, a man provides for his family, and in his free time he fixes or maintains something.  There's grass to cut, oil to change, and cabinet handles to put back on.  What a load of rot.


You could be missing out on some great times and rushes of bliss by not going with the flow that leads to joy.  We need other people, activities, music, books and art or just getting away by ourselves without guilt for a day.  We are meant to be joyous.


What brings you pleasure?  Quick, while you're thinking of it, make a list of the top pleasures you enjoy.  It could be as simple as drinking your morning coffee or it could be dressing formal and going to an opera.  What lights up your board?  What are you doing at those times when hours fly by like minutes.  What do you fantasize about doing "if only you had time."


You do have time.  You have the eternal Now which is really all any of us has.  Stop living for tomorrow and take a break.  Here's how to begin:  Say these things in your mind as you inhale deeply:


I take one breath to let go.


One breath to be here.


One breath to ask "Now what?"


Centers you and prepares you for a new beginning.  Today is the day you pull out your list of pleasures simple and complex, write beside each entry the last time you did it, and start with the ones you've not done but always wanted to try and then you can move to the ones where too much time has gone by without you experiencing it.


How can you make room in your life for pleasure?  It's easy if you use your divine intuition to find the answer.  You know, you aren't the only one who can take care of your baby.  Let some other baby lover have a turn while you go to a movie or an art gallery or to a thrift shop.


Here's some ideas for you.  These are some of the things that give me the most pleasure.  Try some or noodle on the Internet to find new ways of finding joy.


I love and I get great pleasure from:


1.  Going to the library and checking out 20 books if I want to as well as buying some of the sale books.  I bring them home and drop them all over my bed and I feel like I'm six and it's Christmas morning.  I don't know what to read about first:  making jewelry, decoupaging, decorating flowerpots, the short stories and poetry of Raymond Carver or fiction in the old New Yorkers I've bought for a dime each.


2.  Browsing at stores I have never been in but meant to visit and hanging out at the Carousel Thrift Shop, my own personal Disneyland bring me enormous pleasure.  I am quite happy just looking without buying if need be, but who can resist a vegetarian cookbook for 75 cents or a pair of beaded earrings for a dollar?  I pick up cheap candles, craft paint, cups and saucers from other countries, and men's shorts because they have those deep pockets that stuff isn't always falling out of.  Browsing at a book store is always a thrill for me too.


3.  Being creative brings me lots of pleasure and causes me to lose all sense of time going by.  I enjoy art journaling where I take an old textbook and paint or cover the pages in scrapbook paper, pictures, postcards or whatever and then get as wild as I want to be.  It's for my eyes only.  I can be as opinionated as all get out, and I can enter signs and notes about my daily activities.  I might glue on a page from a menu where I  had lunch, a photo I got developed, a matchbook from a club I visited to watch and learn belly dancing or just draw and color with markers.  I feel like I'm six once again with my first big box of crayons.


4. Spending time with my adult children usually brings me pleasure and gives me raw joy that runs deep.  I am elated when my daughter invites me to go to church or to a movie with her, or when my son is actually willing to let me cook a meal for him and he eats it.  When they're not criticising me or telling me how I should live my life, I get a lot of delight out of our visits.


5. I find real joy in eating chocolate, the darker the better.  I have a new addiction:  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with dark chocolate.  Put some in the fridge for later and then prepare to taste a bit of paradise.


There's more, of course, but I don't want to bore you.  I also brainstormed and came up with some things I'd like to try that might bring me joy like taking a Zumba Fitness class through our park district.  Zumba, if you don't know, is dancing to a variety of world rhythms like the salsa, merengue, cumbia, bellydance, Bollywood and reggaeton.  Doesn't that sound like something that could not only get you going but knock decades off your age too?  I can't wait.


Or I could join Toastmasters and learn more about public speaking.  I know that isn't everybody's idea of a good time, but I went to some of their meetings and participated enough to know that I love it.


I've been using Feng Shui to free the chi in my home office, and I really think I could find oodles of joy continuing to balance the yin and the yang throughout the whole place.  I've got colored marbles in blue-tinted Mason jars for the element of water for bringing inner tranquility, spirituality, inner development and independence.  I've got plants to enhance chi and I gave them some razmatazz with the addition of twinkle lights laced through them.  I have so many candles on my desk that I might start a fire but I will maintain chi.  I put up butterfly windchimes, and made a rope with seven metal bells on it and strung crystals and beads to hang near the window.  It is so bee-u-ti-ful!   I have many more ideas.  Now I just have to rise out of my rut or comfort zone as I call it and go have new joyful experiences.  I wish you much joy.  Now go out and find it right where it has been all the time:  in the eternal Now.



MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED
Look at the lovely nude family I found on Cafe Mom. Those are some natural, healthy people

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED
This is my most popular blog entry according to Feedjit, and people google "hitchhiking naked" (for strange reasons I'm better off not knowing. I came back to re-read this entry, and it is just as sweet, innocent and pure as I remembered it. Folks, grow up. Our bodies are just are vessels for the soul and we all get naked some time. The point I make, as a feminist/flower child (old lady), is that when everybody is on the same child-like, innocent page without pornographic urges, it's like being a child skinny dipping in the ocean. It was magical. It's too bad such a lovely memory has to now serve as a beacon for those desperately seeking smut.

Have You Helped the World Lately With An Act of Random Kindness?








"People say what we're all seeking is a meaning for life...  I think that what we're really seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our innermost being and reality, so that we can actually feel the rapture of being alive."--Joseph Campbell

"A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe,a part limited in time and  space.  He experiences himself,his thoughts and feelings,as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness.  This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for only the few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature."--Albert Einstein

Want to feel happy now?  Commit a random act of  kindness  to someone you know or someone you have never met before. Research has proven that these acts of kindness actually reduce stress.  Read more research, sign up for a free newsletter, get ideas for your random acts and more at Random Acts of Kindness Foundation.org.  Be sure to check out  the kindness links to similar sites.

An act of kindness that feels small to you, like smiling and saying hello to a stranger, can be a very important moment in the life of a person who is depressed, lonely or feeling like giving up.

Other acts of kindness suggestions:

Pay Someone's Toll

We've all been there: waiting in a long line of cars at a toll booth, sometimes for up to an hour or more, simply waiting to pay our toll so we can get on to our destination. Traffic on a summer weekend or during the holidays can be awful. Why not make someone's experience a little more pleasant and pay their toll for them?


Give Carepacks to the Homeless

There are so many everyday accessories and toiletries we take for granted - toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

Pay the Tab for the Person Behind You

Have you ever experienced kindness from someone you don’t know? Knowing that someone else noticed you can make your day a thousand times better, especially if you’re feeling down. Celebrate those around you by doing random acts of kindness for strangers, just for the sake of making someone else happy. Pay the tab for someone behind you in line at the grocery store, gas station or the drive-through. It doesn't have to be costly, just friendly.
Benefits

Offer to pay the tab for the person in line behind you at the grocery store or gas station. You could also pay for the drink of someone behind you at a coffee shop. If you notice someone who looks like they’re having a bad day, all the more reason to cheer them up with a random act of kindness!

When you notice that someone in line in front of you at a store is short on money when it comes time for them to pay, offer to chip in a few bucks or whatever it takes to help them afford their purchases.

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate."--Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965); French philosopher, physician
beremedy.org

"Beremedy.org is an organization connecting people who need help with those who want to give it via social media. We feel that most people would help if they simply knew the needs in their local community. Through applications like Twitter and Facebook, beremedy alerts people when someone in their community needs help. Members then respond to the message or pass on the message to those they feel can.

You can be the remedy! To learn more, visit their website: "

#10 Give It Away, Give It Away Now!  from list of  "10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy,"
by Jen Angel

"Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves."

Be sure to check out the World Kindness Movement.org

There you will learn that this November 13 is World Kindness Day.  Many member countries are organizing 
Kindness activities to celebrate this day. Find out more about World Kindness Day and what events are taking place around the world.



Joy Cometh In the Morning: Bring Joy Into Your Life Now

Photo: @Sam  Young8 and That Amy Sloan: Sunday with @Photo,
by Photo
Flickr Creative Commons

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours:  A list of a few of the things that bring me joy and put me in the Divine Now:

(If you haven't experienced any joy recently, use things that have brought you joy in the past or might in the future.)

1. Zumba Fitness - Dance to world rhythms like salsa, merengue,cumbia, bellydance, Bollywood and reggaeton.

2.  Going to new places (neighborhoods, restaurants, shops, countries, states...) and exploring.

3,  Tending plants and flowers.

4.  Reading for fun.

5.  My children (sometimes)

6.  Coffee & Diet Coke

7.  Meditating at my new altar I just made.

8.  Beautifying something somewhere. (Yesterday I painted little wooden stars and put glitter on them. Then I arranged them in beautiful glass bowl with seashells.  Attractive display on end table that brings me joy was result.)

9.  Planning meals, menus, writing list of ingredients needed, shopping for meals, and cooking them to serve with love.

10.  Dreaming/Fantasizing.

As you can see, you don't need money to go bring more joy into your life. If you needed money, I'd be one miserable old soul.  If you can't afford to travel to another country, go visit a neighborhood you've never explored. 

Now make your list:


Things, People, Adventures  & Miscellaneous That Bring Me Joy Or Might:
(Let your imagination run free.  Don't tack on any "Yes, Buts.")

1.

2.

3.

etc.-- As many as you can think of.

When was the last time, if ever, that you did or appreciated any of the things on your list?

What can you do today to raise your vibration frequency and feel joy coursing through you?

What I have done so far today to put me in the Divine Now and in the flow of  joy:

1.  Planted some seedlings in the house.

2.  Did something creative:  Wrote a senryu on FanStory.com.  (This is it:  Tornado flattened the house
                                                                                                                 Dead occupant
                                                                                                                  Still clutched channel changer.)
If only the man could have pushed a button on remote to change the weather, hug?

3.  Wrote from the heart to uplift others.  (You're reading the results.)

4. Enjoyed several cups of coffee and a few Diet Cokes in the can.  They just taste better in the can.)

5.  Read something fun and uplifting: A book I highly recommend for its secrets of joyful living and 12 tenets of awakening:

I read it today. 

6.  Sat at my new altar, lit the candle and attempted to meditate.

7.  Conversed with my delightful son and told him I'd spring for a haircut if that's something he wants.

Now what can you do today to raise yourself into the Divine Now with joy?  Make them baby steps if  that's easier for you. You can plan your adventures for tomorrow and enjoy researching possibilities tomorrow.  That could bring joy in itself. 

What else?  Can you do something creative?  With children?  Go out with friends or talk on the phone with them?  Dance wildly in your own living room?  Listen to some rock 'n roll cranked up to 10?  Bring order to your desk and/or office?  Pick some flowers or buy some to put around your house?   Get an ice cream cone and not worry about the fat and calories just for today?  Have an old-fashioned char-broiled hamburger for lunch or dinner that you made or found by googling/"Dexing" under "Top 10 hamburgers in St. Paul," or wherever you live?  Eat a banana Popsicle?  Take a scented bubble bath surrounded by lit candles?  Marvel at something that seems ordinary until you do:  a book on your desk, the rug, a bowl, a piece of lint.  Just stare at whatever it is and see it anew and marvel at it. 

I marvelled at a magazine picture I cut out and taped to the wall in my most used sight line.  I thought I hung it up to inspire me to keep losing weight and look as good in jeans as the model in the picture. When I marvelled at it though I really saw it.  It shows a woman with a cup of coffee in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other beaming before a big hole in the wall that showed another room behind it.  I realized I had actually hung up that particular picture not for the tight butt looking good in jeans, but for the contemplated power of taking a sledgehammer to some negative things in my life like my past regrets, the places where I am stuck, my messy house, my inertia...

Only you know what can bring you joy now, no waiting in line, no money necessary if that's a concern.  Get into your kid part of yourself and come up with cool, fun, easy to do things that make you joyful.  Leave me your lists in the comments section and I'll post them tomorrow with your permission.


Joy & Bliss,

MsRefusenik/Maryellen


















































FREE! Free of the Past and All Its Regrets; Free of the Worries That Are Only in The Future


Maybe you're sick of hearing people talk and write about living in the Now.  Let's dissect it one more time.  I hope you will join me in my efforts to stay in the day.  Be here now, sure, but how?
Twelve Step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous teach newcomers to take it a day at a time.  We can't quit drinking forever, so there's no point in thinking or saying, "I'll never drink again."  The same thing applies to quitting drugs forever or any other dis-ease that is result of making something other than the Divine your power greater than yourself to whom you surrender all.  We sought to fill up that always ravenous, parched emptiness inside--the big hole we kept trying to fill with food, sex, drugs, booze, gambling, and so on, but it is, as they say in A.A., a God-shaped hole and only accepting Oneness with the Divine can completely fill that empty space of pain and longing.  What we cannot give up forever, we can abstain from just for a day--five minutes at a time if need be.

Newly sober and clean addicts and alcoholics are an excellent example of people who must dive in and take a crash course in living in the Now.  Their lives depend on staying out of the past and future as much as possible because they are still so close to their using and drinking and relapse may be the direct result of those thoughts.  "Just because you think a thought doesn't mean you have to entertain it," one of my spiritual teachers told me when I was new in recovery.  "You don't have to get out the tablecloth, light the candles and set the table for it."  In learning how to better meditate, hard with my monkey-mind, I try to practice what I have learned from others about just observing a thought that comes unwanted and unbidden as if it were a cloud passing by.  "Thought," the meditating mind might note, and then go back to paying attention to breathing.

One of the cruder things you might hear people share as wisdom at an A.A. or N.A. meeting is this:  "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you are pissing all over today.  No need to get upset worrying about the wedding you must attend in four months, and whether or not you'll stay clean and sober at the reception.  If it's not today, they learn to let go of it.
 
If newly recovering people, or people who've been clean for a while, or persons without addictions (there must be some out there somewhere),  let their minds get away from this very day, this very hour, this very minute, it might take that long-ingrained habitual lonely trip back to the past with all its embarrassments, losses, shame, remorse and self-hatred. Or it might take a fantasy trip to a future that may never come where all of your worries come true:  You do end up alone, lonely and forsaken.  You do lose someone you love.  Something terrible does happen to one of your children.   So the newly recovering person gradually comes to change their manner of thinking and to let go of the dead past and the uncertain future and live at peace 24 hours at a time.  If they opt to instead dwell on the past or future, they have a good chance of using/drinking, and for them, to go back to that every day hell is to die, literally and suddenly, or just a complete going back to numbness and sickness and dying some every new day. 



I was recently reading a daily reflection/meditation sort of book that gave this exercise as a meditation: "I will meditate on how taking care of myself in the present can help me accept my past.and stop worrying about things and circumstances that aren't today."  I bet if I had the energy and the time to keep a daily log of how often I drift from the living Now to the dead past and worrisome future I would find that I spend a very small percentage of my days living in the present moment.  Yet in the present I have no fears, shame, regrets--none of  it, so why wouldn't I want to be here now constantly?

My mind, and maybe yours, is a bad neighborhood I shouldn't travel through alone.  Self-love, self-esteem and self-confidence are drowned out by flashes of scandalous, humiliating things I've done or said at some time in my life, and it could be when I was just an innocent child who told a lie to her father or stole change from my mother's purse.  Those little failures have grown large and monstrous after all these years of returning to the memories, and I cannot live at peace or love myself when the shame and self-hatred start or the fears begin to trap me and threaten to cause my heart to stop if I don't pay attention to them.

The "Course in Miracles" says that all negative things are the result of fear and that fear is a lack of love.  Get rid of those forays into the future where you are terminally ill and in a state nursing facility where you are drugged and disrespected.  Here's some things I did to rid myself of my everyday fears.  First I admitted I had fears.  That took some honesty because denial tells me that I am easy-going, mellow and go with the flow.  There are times my heart beats out of my chest and I feel I cannot draw in a breath because I have let my fears scare me so completely.   Next, I did a mini-twelth-step program fourth step and took a written inventory of what my primary fears are, why I have them, and what I need to do about each.  The A.A. "Big Book" suggests that we review these fears and ask ourselves, "Where has self-reliance failed me?  If I truly surrender to a power greater than myself, one that I believe loves me madly and forever and knows the number of hairs on my head, and just wants me to live in joy, love and happiness, I will have no fears. Love comes in and does for me what I cannot do for myself. 

Here's some closing affirmations to help you live in the divine and wondrous Now:

**Today I will look at the rules I live by and change them to fit the person I am today.  (Freeing isn't it?)

**I will cultivate and listen to my intuitive self.

**I am learning to flow with the current of life."

**I let go and let God, Love, the Universe... 

It's okay to let go.  You are safe in loving arms.  You are meant to live in joy today.