WHAT WILL THEY DO TO US NEXT WITH THESE ATYPICAL ANTI-PSYCHOTIC DRUGS?

"Killing of the Nemean Lion," by Orin Zelest
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Now they are willfully and purposefully killing seniors in nursing homes with anti-psychotics.  Everybody who has ever had the misfortune of being so much as introduced to Mr. Risperdal et al knows that this class of drugs is strongly not recommended for persons with dementia, or even those over a certain age.

Look at the news flash that I came across today.  I cannot tell you how sickened and appalled I am:



Audit Finds Widespread Use Of Antipsychotic Drugs In Nursing Homes


';
  • Topics: Aging, Mental Health
  • By Scott Hensley, NPR News
  • May 11, 2011
  • This story comes from NPR's health blog Shots.


  • About 1 in 7 elderly residents of nursing homes receives a so-called atypical antipsychotic medicine, a federal audit finds, despite an increased risk of death when the medicines are used to manage dementia in older people.
  • A review of medical records found that most of the atypical antipsychotics were being used outside the Food and Drug Administration's approval of the medicines to treat schizophrenia and bipolar disorder.
  • Indeed, 88 percent of the Medicare claims for the drugs show they were prescribed for elderly people with dementia.
  • "Despite the fact that it is potentially lethal to prescribe antipsychotics to patients with dementia, there's ample evidence that some drug companies aggressively marketed their products towards such populations, putting profits before safety," wrote Daniel Levinson, Inspector General of the Department of Health and Human Services, whose office did the analysis.
  • The top three drugs, based on the number of claims found in the 2007 audit, were:
  • 1. Seroquel from Astra Zeneca
    2. Risperdal from Johnson & Johnson
    3. Zyprexa from Eli Lilly.
  • To Levinson's point on marketing, nursing home pharmacy chain Omnicare agreed to pay the federal government $98 million in 2009 to settle charges it took kickbacks from J&J to boost sales of Risperdal.
  • The OIG made some recommendations for improvement, such as better education and halting payments for unnecessary use of medicines.
  • Despite the risks, the prescription of the medicines isn't likely to disappear. As psychiatrist Daniel Carlat told the New York Times, there aren't very many other good options. "Doctors want to maximize quality of life by treating the patient's agitation even if that means the patient will die a bit sooner," Carlat said.
  • Indeed, as NPR's Joanne Silberner reported back in 2005 when warnings were raised about both the newer, atypical antipsychotics and their predecessors it treating the elderly, a doctor told her he would continue to use the medicines carefully and in low doses because they still carried benefits.

They just don't want to deal with the old people acting out because they are bored out of their minds, have no human company many of them and that includes the callous, bored medical and nursing staff, have to follow a constrained daily schedule that they had nothing to do with setting up and that probably doesn't make much sense to them, have no one to speak to about their fears and concerns, and so on.  So, like moms putting toddlers in front of soap operas or cartoons on the TV, or drunks dragging the kids they are in charge of into bars for the afternoon, or... no... wait... It's like none of these things.  None of these examples is the same as killing a person because you don't feel like dealing with him or her any longer.

There is an excellent blog that everyone should read if they have ever had the remotest interest in mental illness and mental health, and the courage and intelligence and guts it has taken one woman to survive the drug damage done by psychiatrists with their killer pills.   It's called Beyond Meds.  You can read much more that than the triumph of the will that let this brave woman survive years of withdrawal from psychiatric drugs like Risperdal (I'm on it), Lamictal and the Benzodiazephines. She does so much good by spreading her message of hope.  She is now collecting statements to present at the conference of the American Psychological or Psychiatric Association.  Forgive me, I forget which.  Everything on her website is both unbelievable and obviously true and chilling to the core.  These people practicing medicine are ruining others for life, sometimes just ending their lives like those in the above article.

I have been on the three drugs mentioned:  Seroquel, Risperdal and Zyprexa.  I have been a rebel all my life, refusing to conform to very little that didn't fit my personal values and beliefs.  I am 60 years-old now.  I have no doubt that should I ever end up in a nursing home, which is likely to hear my grown kids tell it, they will label my bipolar disorder a bunch of goofy things, assume I have dementia too, and feed me the very drugs that have been the bane and future nightmare of my existence.  Lamictal, a drug that the author of Beyond Meds unbelievably got off of, has an allergic reaction on some people that begins with a rash or a sore.  If it's bad, the reaction can prove to be fatal.  I had an open, gaping, hideous wound pop up out of nowhere during my first week on the drug.  I was hospitalized at the time and no one said a word or cautioned me.  Even the doctors could hardly stand to look at me because the sore was so ugly, but it was a clear sign I was having an allergic reaction to a newly prescribed drug and could die.

But then that's how mentally ill people are often treated.  The rules of decent behavior towards them don't seem to apply and aren't practiced by everyone, even doctors.  Go fill out Beyond Meds' form for the APA about your psychiatric experiences and read while you're there her letter to feminists and liberals, which I am both.  She is, I hate to say it, right on.  These supposedly open-minded subsets of larger groups are just as quick or quicker to label the mentally ill and treat them like non-thinking, monsters of attack as soon as they hear the diagnosis.  It must stop.  The stigma causes suffering in people long before they are diagnosed.  The stigma begins to destroy the mentally ill when they are first feeling something is wrong but wouldn't dare tell anybody about it, not even their family physician.  Like that ever does any good.  If you just want an anti-depressant or a tranquilizer and call it the end of the day and that's all she wrote, perhaps.

I have to go look to find out who is protesting these deaths and what is being done to stop them. This article makes it pretty clear it will continue to be business as usual in that particular nursing home, even if Medicare/Medicaid stops paying for the drugs used.  They'll find a way to siphon the money from M&M, and the killing of innocent people will go on as it has for years despite huge legal settlements brought against the drug companies.

Blast and Chicago's number one binge drinking rate on national survey

Blast and Chicago's number one binge drinking rate on national survey I sweat real blood and tears over this monster mother, but it's a serious problem in Chicago and elsewhere. Somehow the prevention people just haven't gotten across that the consequences that come with binge drinking aren't flukes that happen to someone else. They can happen to anyone who drinks more than a glass or two of beer or wine or spirits on any day of the week. Read it and make a decision. It will make you feel good about yourself.
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It's the Summer of Love, Just Kidding, It's Google's Summer of Code

I swore I wouldn't learn code--not Java, not C+, not Perl, not Ruby on the Rails (but I like that name), and I still am sticking to my guns.  I also said you would not find me,
MsMonolinguinal Ignorant American (studied three years of high school Spanish and three years of college French and a crash course in German, all for naught)  translating Wiki docs.  But when I see logs showing 12 and 13-year-old kids translating from both Finnish and Russian on one project, I am ashamed. 

I swear I don't know how they do it at Wiki, but they make translating into and out of a language you don't know any better than your high school sweetheart's middle name at this point (and that was supposed to be such undying pure true love), seem like rolling out dough for biscuits.  Lay it down, roll it out, crease where necessary and you're ready to read Nabokov  in the original Russian.  It's some kind of alchemy.  Of course you've got helpers, and watchers, to make sure that some poor Croatian teenager doesn't get arrested for attempting to take Russian money out of Russia--A big no-no.  I  might have translated that you were expected to give money to every person who handles your luggage.

Today they (the Wiki nymphs  or elves or whatever they are who leave missives aplenty, but aren't seen or heard from to my knowledge.  They led me down some document about the big conference or foundation of the LXDE or some such, and I did some simple editing that was put in front of me that was probably just a test.

I am working on something to do with setting up the quicker, sharper desktop known as the LXDE, but I am dim on what's involved and exactly what the end product is.  I am bummed because I didn't know about this big Woodstock of codewriting until two weeks past the deadline for scholarship applications.  Not that I planned to learn to write code so I could go hang out with thousands or hundreds of  geeks. But the international meeting takes place in Paris this year.  I'd learn enough code to sign up to make a hamster or turtle gadget for a $5,000 internship, and an all-expenses paid trip to Paris.  I forgot to say that everybody gets a mentor to guide and direct them with their project.

GnomeWomen/OutreachProgram2011

Here's the poop on the women's project for the summer.
I also found out that for part of this Summer of Code, they have decided to attract more women to make gadgets and work on documentation.  There is a $5,000 internship to be awarded to any female code writer or even plain writer/editor who wants to sign up for some of their complex and mysterious unfinished projects.   It's a two-page single-spaced list and I went over it carefully with the attitude that there must be something a spaced out clutz without a techno  cell in her brain pan can do, because I sure do need that money this summer.

Some fairy or maybe a gnome brought  me to sign in for Wikipedia late last night after I'd been up for a couple of days.  Right away they start in with the usual same old song that what I thought was my "global" login is worthless, never heard of my user names or e-mail addresses, on and on.  So I say to myself the hell with it, I'll just bite the bullet and register at a Wiki website for the 100th time.  But every username I come up is either already used, as is the e-mail address, of course, because they're mine but just not good enough for this Wiki Wacko.  Then the person starts finding fault with every e-mail address and username I come up with.  I finally snapped and did what I should have done much earlier and just left.

Well imagine how I felt today when I was nosing through the Subversion, Google Project Hosting and Wiki Wacko pages and found a script for what happened to me with the login last night.  It seems they use a special cookie so that even if you check on the login "remember me"  it really won't.  There's also a faulty code of some kind that ensures your login will never be successful.   I am not lying.  I may post some of these scripts next blog.  They have actual scripts with pretend persons written out showing how it should discourage a bad seed from darkening Wiki's weird door with offers of help and voluntary slave labor.  There are dates and actual quotes of what the facilitator said to the poor schmuck minding his or her own business and just trying to login/register.  There's even the sort of snide remarks about usernames that I was getting.  I am publishing it next time.  It has to be seen to be believed.  These people are out of their geeky minds.

FREELANCE WRITING LED ME TO BEING FODDER FOR FOOT FETISHISM


 I just learned about the remarkable cult of the high heel from a practicing foot
fetishist, who almost hired me to write a story for him about the practice.  Could have fooled me.  I thought that because my friends and I had given them up as nonsencical long ago, that most forward thinking, independent women of the year of our Lord 2011 had had a similiar raising of fashion consciousness versus sane walking practices.  Think again.  Want to see the shrine that was just built to celebrate the great passion and worship for the high heel? And not just any high heel.  It's an homage to a Manolo Blahnik stiletto.  .  Check out the size  perspective of shoe vs. person on Broadway now in this picture:


 It has a name, the Priscilla.  The link for the article in Refinery29 by Kristian Laliberte that goes with this picture is here.  I just have to steal  the first paragraph because it encapsulates what I've been seeing in my recent field research of the religion built around the high heel and the enormous popularity of foot fetishism by women as well as men.  Check this out, I thought I was back in the 1970's:

"In a move that isn't too much of a jump from his Sex and the City heyday, shoe guru Manolo Blahnik has partnered with new Broadway musical Priscilla Queen Of The Desert on a silver patent leather Mary Jane high heel adorned with a Swarovski crystal button (portion of the proceeds from the sale of the heels will benefit New York Restoration Project). Billed as the official stiletto of the production, the shoe figures primarily on stage, with drag queens sliding down the arch in a foot fetishist's wet dream. Bette Midler, who produced the musical, can't wait to get her hands on the sparklers, saying, “If there are three things I love, it's shoes, drag queens and live theatre!" Featuring a cast of 27, a score of over 20 dance classics, and more than 500 outrageous costumes, Midler and a whole lot of gay guys are going to be very, very happy. If the shoe fits...a drag queen will wear it."

Google "stilletos" and you'll get 5,720,000 search results including a lot of photos, framed and unframed, and articles on everything from how to walk in them, to how to cook and bake, hike, and rock climb in Teva stilletos wearing them.  I wouldn't shit you.  Yes, climbing in 4" stacked heels, called "the most comfortable, performance high heel on the planet.  ...Anti-fashion at its purest."  You can read all about it here. 
Here's a picture of it in action:



What is the draw that turns normal men and women into crazy high heel fetishists?  I learned it is what heels, especially stiletto heels, do for a woman's body image. Stuffed into the narrow, pointy-toed confines, the size -8-B or -C foot doesn't look like a 3" lotus flower that has been bound the traditional Chinese way, but they do make feet look smaller.  They also make legs look longer, leaner, and raise the chest and cause the breasts to stick out in a provocative way. They lift and smooth the buttocks too, which explains the tight skinny pants wearing that are frequently seen on the artificially elevated.  One might think when seeing a woman past 40 in short shorts or a mini-skirt and stilettos that they also impair circulation to the brain and promote irrational thinking on a fantasy level in which she somehow thinks she looks hot with her skin folds flapping in the breeze and her varicose veins on public display in living color. 

And that's just the Google results for stilettos.  "High heels" has a whopping 53,200,000 results.  Again, with plenty of pictures, and advice on what to do when your feet refuse to wear them another nanosecond without sending you in tortures of the damned  There are quite a few forum posts and e-mails to high heel newsletters and ezines all repeating the same mantra, "No, my feet may be killing me, but I will not stop wearing my heels."

Did you know that if you go on ignoring the pain and just keep propping yourself up there with Band-Aids, epsom salts, aspirin, and massages, eventually the foot shortens and will no longer reach the floor?   Then you have no choice but to wear your favorite pair of lace-up stilleto sandals to pickup your son at kindergarden or to your favorite aunt's funeral.  It's the only pair of shoes you can walk in any more.

Women grow so frantic when they can't wear their heels, that they do unspeakable things to their feet.  For example, when the toes refuse to come unstuck to the ball of the foot after being lodged in their like extra appendages from an alien body unclaimed by the owner,  women actually go get surgery and have those interfering toes lobbed right off their feet.

Here's what one Beverly Hills podiatrist says about high heels: "Doctors of podiatric medicine see no value in high heels (generally defined as pumps with heels of more than two inches). They believe them to be biomechanically and orthopedically unsound, citing medical, postural, and safety faults of such heels.

"They know, for example, that high heels may contribute to knee and back problems, disabling injuries in falls, shortened calf muscles, and an awkward, unnatural gait. In time, high heels may cause enough changes in the feet to impair their proper function. Most women admit high heels make their feet hurt, but they tolerate the discomfort in order to look taller, stylish, and more professional. In a Gallup Poll, 37 percent of the women surveyed said they would continue to wear high heels, even though they did not think them comfortable"*



Thirty-Seven percent would continue?  Amazing, isn't it?  And some are lying because they're too ashamed to admit they won't give up their obsession.

getting back to how my  eyes were popped open to this bizzaro world of the cult of the spike heel, yes, I agreed to write a 1,500-2,000 word story for a gentleman who specified that he would be the only reader of the piece.  I read his reviews by writers who had written the same story he wanted me to write, and they all couldn't say  enough positive things about  how quickly he paid, how easy he was to to work for, and how nice he was in general. His job description said that it was to be a story about a fashion victim who loves wearing high heels, or feels she must wear them to be in style, but they kill her feet every single  day and night.

I knew  her name was Esmeralda.  She came to me as many of my fictional characters do, with a story she dictated to me and wanted told.  She  was one of those flawless natural beauties who believes she is a plain Jane.  She was 27, single, and didn't date hardly at all due to her terrible shyness and low self-esteem. But she had had a good friend at the bank where she worked as a teller for several long years, and this woman, Janie, had left the bank to go make real money as a dancer at a gentleman's club.  When she told Esmeralda how much she would be earning, estimating her tips on what the other dancers  told her, Esmeralda wanted a body transplant.  She wanted to be young and sexy enough to strut her stuff on a pole in front of a room of oogling men, and do lap dances too for extra tips.

She was young and sexy enough, she just was the last to know it.  She lost sleep over the prospect of getting out of the boring bank and joining Janie, who told her that the manager had told her to invite friends who were interested.  Shechalked it off as impossible, and then she remembered her college reunion.

She  went to  the reunion with the same group of women she had hung out with during college and lived with in the dorms.  They were elegant women, she thought, and she made sure to dress up even buying a rare pair of high heel pumps for the occasion.  The high heels had done something to her. It was almost like being under the influence, except she barely drank and she didn't take drugs.  She had loved how she looked and felt in those red patent leather 4"-heels, and she loved the way that people, men and women, looked at her twice or even more.

She grew extroverted at the reunion, and left her shell at home.  She danced with anybody who asked her.  She kept the group laughing until they begged her to stopfor fear they'd lose control of their bladders.  She had one glass of white wine and didn't finish that.  She had a great time.

She really hadn't figured out for quite a while what had happened to her that night.  She thought it might have been just being with her old college buddies, or out and dressed up, a rarity for her.  It was only when she wore the heels a second time, to a family restaurant dinner for the holidays, and she noticed similiar effects, that she attributed them to wearing the "magic shoes," as she had begun to think of them.

Anyhow, you're not paying me big bucks like he was, the man who contacted me about my bid on the job, so that's about all you need to know except that he insisted that the heels give her lots of suffering, including bunions, but she continued to wear them.  He wanted a lot of details about the pain and suffering.

Now I'm not a foot fetishist, and this man came right out and told me he was, in case the theme of the story for one didn't tip me off, but I would have thought all that talk about bunions, blisters, calluses, etc. would be a major turn off.  Not for him.  He asked if we could chat about the story online before he hired me, and I foolishly agreed.  It was then that he confessed that he was a foot fetishist with a twist.  He needed the gory details.  He wanted to hear about the throbbing of the bunions, soaking and massing the feet without getting any relief, putting Bandaids on the latest crop of blisters--all of it. Not at all what I imagined, since I was thinking more of the famous picture of Marilyn Monroe in heels getting her dress blown up into her face.














We didn't talk immediately about the story, although I had some questions and some ideas I wanted to bounce off of him.  No, we started with my own quite painful history of high heel wearing when  I was a young office worker in the Seventies and didn't know any better. Today I have horrible bunions and feet so flat you couldn't insert a dime under them as a result. It was kind of embarrassing to talk about, but he kept asking questions about what the pain was like, whether I kept wearing the heels, how long after I gave up wearing heels until the bunions formed.  It was pretty gross.

Finally he made a remark that we would get on with discussing the story itself.  Now I am ashamed to tell you that we had chatted for perhaps an hour without discussing the story, only my podiatric history.  Suddenly he said he had a meeting that he was going to be late for if he didn't leave immediately.   He was in such a hurry, I thought, that he forgot to tell me what would happen next.  Would we chat again and talk about the story?  Was he going to hire me for sure?

The next real message came from him to me at the agency where I get most of my freelance gigs.  It said that he was closing the project.  He felt now wasn't a good time for me since I was winding up my novel and had been late for an online chat appointment.

But that wasn't it, boys and girls.  He had sucked the sap out of this flower, and having got his jollies listening to my high heel saga of of pain, bunions and suffering, he was ready to move on to a new source.

So there's the rub as well as the twist.  I kept my shoes on the whole time, but it did me no good.  He got what he really wanted from me, and he got it for free. 


*http://www.lafootdoc.com/cosmetic-foot-surgery
 Jamshidinia, Kamran, DPM Newsletter to Patients


























































































IS IT TIME FOR YOU TO COME IN FROM THE STORM YET? IT'S A BRIGHT NEW DAY.






You know the storm I mean don't you?  The one that wages within each day and when you say, "Should I use/drink today or should I try to stop?"  Yeah, that one.  The big storm that takes over your life and puts you on that damned collision course with all those horrible consequences like the breakup of your relationship, not being there for your kids, losing another job and not being able to find a new on. It's hard to find another job because your work history looks like a big chunk  of Swiss cheese except that you could drive a semi through some of the holes where you were  missing and not in action.

The big storm that comes up quickly some days, and blows all your money into the wind just like it blew your friends and family away.  Or have you noticed they aren't standing beside you any longer saying, "He just works too hard."  "She is under a lot ofstress."  "Their marriage is just in a rough patch right now so she/he goes out."  Not even, "It's just a phase," from your earnest, ever-loving and co-dependent  mother.





Today is a new day.  It could be the start.  It's a bright new dawn.  You can change your life starting today.  You could find shelter from that storm as easy as clicking your mouse.  I have every self-help recovery program listed here too for every problem, not just alcohol and drugs.  I've got your 12-step program links in every flavor of drug including crystal meth and marijuana.  I have 12-step anonymous programs for: Alateen, Alanon, Overeaters, Gamblers, Debtors, Nicotine, Emotional Health, Emotions, Depressed, HCV (hepatitis), Obsessive Compulsive, Survivors of Incest, Sexual Compulsives, Co-Dependents, Sex and Love, Families Anonymous, and Anorexics and Bulimics.  I may have missed some.  They are all right here.

Do you already know that you're done fooling around with this nuclear bomb in your pocket, and are ready to check yourself in and take care of business?  There is no time like the present.  It's one less day of regret, remorse and suffering.  Who knows where or how you could end up today.  Make that phone call.  Here's a few lists of detoxes and rehab treatments centers as well as outpatient programs.  They are ready to help you today.  Some may cost you nothing so don't let lack of money or insurance stop you.  Saving your life would be worth whatever you had to pay anyhow so don't worry about that now.

1.Pick up the phone and dial or pick up the  mouse and click.    
This website has everything from fancy schmantzy treatment programs, to 12-step communities, sober living homes, faith-based programs, alternative sentencing programs--you name it.  Check it out.  It's all listed by state and country.  You are bound  to  find something to fit your circumstances on this list, and probably with no waiting.

2. Find what you need in your area.  Drugs/Alcohol Treatment/Rehab.

3.Call now 24/7 live counselors and "affordable" detox and treatment.

There are thousands more, but you can use a search engine as well as I can.  If you don't have a computer, get a phone book or call information.  If you don't have a phone, go to the nearest hospital emergency room.  Even if they won't keep you for financial reasons, they should give you referrals to places that will take you.

Here's about all you need to get started with the

ASK YOURSELF: WHAT DO I WANT TO HAVE, DO, LEARN AND GIVE NEXT.

it's a bitch o be unemployed and have to look for a job.  I am trying to help my 21-year-old son find the first job of his life.  I want him to know that it's an opportunity to reflect on what he really loves to do, and what he'd like to do in his life for those hours of our day that are categorized as "work."  He says I'm way out there in space somewhere.  He is just wants to get some McJob for seven bucks an hour.  Who he really is and what he really would love to do all day seem irrelevant to him and he doesn't think of them as having anything to do with work.


Two years ago I bought him an assortment of well-chosen books on finding out who you are and what you want out of life in an attempt to live your life's purpose. One of those was  What Color Is Your Parachute For Teens.  He admitted he has never cracked it open, but then he has never really had a job either. I  don't give up easily.  What Color Is Your Parachute is the best book I have read and used to find jobs, and lots of other people regard it highly too. 


I went to the library yesterday and checked him out a copy.  The book astounded me.  I don't remember it containing the answers for finding your life purpose,, and the three stages of acceptance and practice of it, but it's all there in plain English. I told Eric that if I knew I had less than 24 hours to live, I would tell him I love him and have him read those ten or however many page there are.  They cover everything you need to know on the subject pretty darn well.  It's all there between the lines--how to live a love-filled, good, happy, productive and rewarding life.   The author, Richard Bolles, writes about God's role in our lives but without any peachy over-religious, dogma-filled  b.s.  He is speaking in universal spiritual terms.  That's real important because my son may be an agnostic.  I don't know.  I don't push.

Although I have been trying to tell Eric since he came to live with me in November for the first time in 14 years, that we all have a life's purpose and once we discover what our talents are and use those we are put on a path of miracles.  Then, as Joseph Campbell , the respected mythologist and writer said of his often repeated admonition to "following your bliss" "doors will open where there were only walls.

 He derived this idea from the Upanishads, the 200 Sanskrit philosophical texts from before the 5th century considered to be an early source of Hindu religion.   Campbell wrote:
Now, I came to this idea of bliss because in Sanskrit, which is the great spiritual language of the world, there are three terms that represent the brink, the jumping-off place to the ocean of transcendence: sat-chit-ananda. The word "Sat" means being. "Chit" means consciousness. "Ananda" means bliss or rapture. I thought, "I don't know whether my consciousness is proper consciousness or not; I don't know whether what I know of my being is my proper being or not; but I do know where my rapture is. So let me hang on to rapture, and that will bring me both my consciousness and my being." I think it worked.[1]
He saw this not merely as a mantra, but as a helpful guide to the individual along the hero journey that each of us walks through life:
If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.[2]

Many people have written eloquently and passionately about the miracles that open up opportunities, new ways on creating, inspiration, "chance" encounters and on and on once we are totally involved with the thing we love to do most in the world and the thing we do best:  our talent.  

Because there is no such thing as random in this Universe of serendipity and synchronicity, I asked the Universe what I should read for my morning inspiration  for the day.  The book turned out to be one of my read and re-read favorites, Everyday Grace: Having Hope, Finding Forgiveness and Making Miracles, 

 by Marianne Williamson.  It opened "randomly" to answer some questions I had about starting my own writing website business.   Here's what she had to say about my ideas to start a business for no reason other than to make money:

"...We transform our work into a sacred experience by transforming our sense of its purpose--from that of serving our need as we define them to that of serving the work of God  This shift in purpose--from a focus on ourselves to a focus on God's love--activates a chain of miracles.  For anytime we walk into a situation with a higher sense of why we are there, we are bringing down the light. 


"The decision to adjust our perspective on a situation, seeing as its only purpose the extension of love, automatically illumines it.  For a situation to be illumined, our thoughts must become illuminated.  Within this light, our ideas are more insightful and wise, our personal energies radiate integrity, and circumstances around us unfold along a palpable path of divine right order.  There is a 'flow' we can all feel when a situation is aligned with the peace of God."   (Grace, pp. 100-101)


I have decided once again in my life against doing anything "just for money."  So much is lost in that notion and so high a price of doing business is paid.  I have learned this lesson over and over in the past.  What makes me want to stick my hand in the flame now to see if it still burns?



We follow the flow--and all we had to do each day is show up and be ready to work together with our partner God.

 Each and every one of us believes he or she is going to do something or create something spectacular that the world has never seen the likes of before, especially if we are young.  Children whose self-esteem hasn't been damaged yet have no doubt that they can grow up to be anything they want to become.  They can all be stars that shine the  brightest in the night sky.  Sometimes some of us can hold onto this kind of belief in ourselves for a long, long time despite some considerable disappointments and rejections if we believe in ourselves and our talents enough.

 Those who work each day to know God's will for them and ask to work on what they need to do for that day, the next right thing, take no credit for themselves and give all thanks to the Divine for the good that comes of their accomplishments. Mother Teresa freely talked about her success with God as her partner, and look how much she accomplished.

That is the secret of success hidden in plain sight for all to find. 


If Eric  prefers a seven dollars a day McJob to sitting down with me and doing some evaluations matching his personality with work type of skills and figuring out what his talents are,  I can't preach  to deaf ears.  He doesn't listen--I'm his Momma.  I begged him to read the pages in the book as a favor to me, but the God stuff turned him off and he didn't finish.  People say you can lead a horse...  Try a 21-year-old who knows it all so young.  As my poor dear late father often repeated to my deaf ears, "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts."

I can only lead by my example of spending every day following my bliss by wriing all day and night and not being a slave to a paycheck and possessions or a job without a soul.  Marianne Williamson reminded me in her book today of the importance of lighting a sacred prayer candle before I start my day of writing.  She writes that otherwise she is trapped in the illusions of the ego, thinking about bestseller status and contracts.  "Only when I begin with a prayer that something I write might be of use to someone does a greater light infuse my thinking.  My mind opens vibrantly to its natural talents and springs free of its bondage of fear-based thought."



I give him two weeks at a McJob.  He's young but he's daily growing.  


-----------------
Sources:
1
Campbell, Joseph Campbell and the Power of Myth with Bill Moyers, edited by Betty Sue Flowers. Doubleday and Co, 1988, p. 120.

2.Ibid,   p. 113.
In Hell, there is a huge banquet, but the forks are longer than your arm so you can't get any of the food to your mouth. So you spend your time wailing and gnashing your teeth over all he beautiful food that you're missing out on.

Heaven is like a huge banquet as well, with long forks. But everyone feeds each other.


The sad thing is that we really have done that "wailing and gnashing" our teeth bit when a window closes instead of opening the big beautiful door standing right in front of us.  Maybe we were afraid we'd we lose our place in the line forming for `brats having temper tantrums until somebody fixes the goddamn window.

I am writing an interesting freelance article for my part-time gig as a reporter on alternative medicine breakthroughs.  I think you'll find it very interesting tooAA
 According to a study released on January 28, 2011 "participating in community service activities and helping others is not just good for the soul; it has a healing effect that helps alcoholics and other addicts become and stay sober."  This is from a researcher at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine.

Helping Others Helps Alcoholics Stay on the Road to Recovery
Released: 1/28/2011 10:05 AM EST
Source: Case Western Reserve University

Newswise — Participating in community service activities and helping others is not just good for the soul; it has a healing effect that helps alcoholics and other addicts become and stay sober, a researcher from Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine reports and published in a review article of Vol. 29 of Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly. 
In a review article published in the Volume 29 issue of Alcoholism Treatment Quarterly, Maria E. Pagano, PhD, associate professor of psychiatry at the School of Medicine, sheds light on the role of helping in addiction recovery, using the program of Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) as a prime example. She cites a growing body of research as supporting evidence.

“The research indicates that getting active in service helps alcoholics and other addicts become sober and stay sober, and suggests this approach is applicable to all treatment-seeking individuals with a desire to not drink or use drugs,” Dr. Pagano says. “Helping others in the program of AA has forged a therapy based on the kinship of common suffering and has vast potential.”

Dr. Pagano's reserch  focuses on  the helper therapy principle (or HTP),  a concept that is one of the fundamentalmental beliefs and practices of the A.A.  Program, as well as other 12 Step Recovery Programs ograms such as Narcotics Anonymous (N.A.), Sexual Addicts Anonymous (S.A.), Overeaters Anonymous (O.A.) and all the rest of them.  She points out that in A.A. it is seen  as an opportunity to diminishi egocentrism or selfishness, a root cause of addiction to some minds.  The HTP is based on the theory that, when a person helps another individual with a similar condition, they help themselves.

Well,  I had to laugh.  Not at the good doctor who 
Things To Do To Change The World:

1. Become a mindful entrepreneur.  Get a free copy of a life-changing book on being mindful that comes with an offer of free telephone counseling by a mindful counselor.  Take the program on mindful entrepreneurship for a few hundred dollars, or just read what's offered for free on the websites at: Be sure to get your mindfulness entrepreneurship  toolkit for free.  And be sure to read all about the "something remarkable" in holistic business coaching. 

If you don't have a business, don't worry about it.  Part of the coaching program is finding your life's purpose so you can be doing what the author of these free materials is doing:  wrapping  up your personal gifts, the bliss you want to follow as your life's work, and giving it to the world.  This is one way of certaintly being the change you want to see in the world.

2. A Shortcut to Awakening For People In A Hurry.  Create your own awakening from Zen Habits.  I particularly relish the inclusion of reading Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass" as a  method of awakening.

3.  Read the "Daily Word."  I love the "Daily Word."  It is a simple positive, law of attraction sort of life-affirming thought for each day that often hits right on what you needed to hear for that very day.  It has themes such as let go and let God, forgiveness, divine order, and affirming wellness.  It is put out by Unity Village affiliated with the very positive and non-dogmatic  Unity Church.  Here is today's thought:


Today's Daily Word
Sunday, February 06, 2011
Becoming
I am a spiritual being, evolving and growing every day, in every way.
I am continually evolving as a spiritual being. This evolutionary process includes trials and errors as well as joys and opportunities. Each experience I encounter, each relationship I share, each insight I receive offers me the opportunity to grow.
From the moment my life began, I have been evolving and growing. As an infant, through trial and error, I learned to crawl, walk and speak. From there, I moved on to more advanced learning experiences. As an adult, day by day, I grow in harmony with the unfoldment of Spirit in me.
It gives me great peace to know that I am a work in progress, growing and evolving to become the person I am meant to be.
Clothe yourselves with the new self, created according to the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.--Ephesians 4:24
Daily Word officially launched in 1924 and included daily messages of hope, spiritual poetry and feature articles—all primarily written by Whitney. Daily Word began with a subscription list of 16,000 people, but within a year, the list had grown to 43,000. Today, Daily Word is mailed to approximately 600,000 subscribers in more than 150 countries, and is translated into seven languages. Daily Word in Braille began in 1934, and is now sent for free to the blind through Message of Hope®. Daily Word in Spanish, La Palabra Diaria, was first published in March of 1955. Daily Word in Large Type was introduced in 1978.
In 2009, Daily Word celebrated its 85th anniversary. With the July/August 2009 anniversary issue, the magazine went “green” by including two months of messages in every issue rather than one.
Additionally in 2009, a digital edition of the magazine became available. It offers subscribers a new way to enjoy the magazine. Explore the digital issue here.
Laura Harvey is the current editor of Daily Word. You may follow her on Twitter.


4. Inner Awakening 21 days to Enlightenment.  April 2011.

5. Consult the I Ching in all matters great and small.  Tonight I got Hexagram 49, Radical Change, and it sounds exciting.  See what's in store for you  or what is currently happening:  Clarity's Free Online I Ching Reading.

6.  Keep up with news and activities in consciousness raising at Noetic.org.

7. A problem to work on:  Find out how much pollution is in your zipcode: (and everything else you ever wondered about your zipcode.  You'll also find out who the worst polluters are so you can start protesting against them.

8. Share what you believe in.  Write an essay for "This I Believe."  Get guidelines here. "Start a public discourse one essay at a time."

And that should keep you busy until around supper time.  See you  next time,

Ms.Refusenik, "Let it begin with me."
Last November I started a novel for the NaNovWriMo contest--write a novel in November.  Meanwhile my son came to live with me out of the blue, one thing and another thing happened, and I ended up having to drop out.  But I always planned to write that novel. The characters came to me one morning when I was journaling.  They told me their full names, what they looked like, their birth dates, their interests and hobbies, their fears--everything.  I was attached to them and promised I would write a novel for them to be in. 

Well I am doing it now in  January.  I got a second chance to get the novel-writing adrenaline going, there's a deadline and a three-month time limit (It started Jan. 1, so I missed the first four weeks).  I can't seem to write a novel without a fire of some kind lit under me.  Then I spied a novel writing contest on FanStory.com.  Same deal as  NaNovWriMo--3 months, 50,000 words.  I started a few days ago and I'm more than halfway there.  As of tonight, I have 28,709  words.  It's going well.  All my characters showed up ready for action.  Some readers might say they do more talking than anything, but I've been getting reviews that say my characters are loveable.  I certainly love them.  If you want to see what I've been doing instead of blogging, check out my novel

I try to do my morning journaling and I end up writing this novel in longhand.  It's all I want to do.  My Great God, what fun writing is. 

If  you've always wanted to write a novel, screenplay, play, memoir, e-book, print book or whatever it is, just begin and it will come.  It really is like that Field of Dreams--Build it and they will come.  The ideas will pop into your head as though they are being dictated by another person.    Synchronicity will see to it that you run into just the right webpage, word,  idea...  It's magic.  And immediately you see where and how it goes into what you're working on. 

Make a goal for yourself and decide how many words you'll write per day.  This contest says I'd be in good shape to meet the deadline if I wrote 400 words per day.  I have been trying to catch up so I have been writing more like 10,000 with no problem.  Of course it's all I do.  I don't blog, visit Facebook, read my e-mail and all that, but this is temporary, and I am doing some of that now.

I really do recommend FanStory for anyone who writes or wants to write.  I believe it is one of the better writers' communities.  I have been  a member for a few years.  In fact, I won first place in a contest they had with my first novel.  The people on the website, your peers and fellow writers, are amazing.  I have found friends and mentors from whom I have learned a great deal and continue to learn.  I am in awe of their work.  Everyone reviews  your work honestly but is never negative.  An honest criticism will be pointed out so you can fix it. 

There are so many contests you can enter it keeps things interesting and fun.  The ones where you can win $100 are free to enter.  Others  may cost you a few member dollars which is the monopoly type currency we play with and receive when we win contests or review the work of others.  Oh yeah, and you use member dollars to promote your writing.  It needs to have a certificate, and you can add banners and other things to make it worth more to reviewers. 

If you're a poet, it's the place to come.  FS writers know more poetry forms and styles than I ever dreamt were invented and I studied poetry as an English major in college.  They are currently collecting the best of the various poetry forms from poets to use as samples to help others know how to write the form.

There's playwriting, novels, of course, flash fiction, essays, short stories...  And on the other side of the partition is Fan Story Art.  There are some super artistists working there, very original, fresh creations.  The artists will lend you their work to go with your writing when it's posted if you ask. 

I hope to see you over there.  There's a whole large contingent of FS writers on my Facebook pages.  In fact FB has a FS  page. 

Now start writing that novel you always wanted to write.  It's just one word, one line, one sentence, one paragraph, one page at a time and before you know it you're a novelist.

IS GOOGLE SPYING ON YOU, OR IS IT JUST ME? I REALLY DON'T THINK I'M THE ONLY ONE.

It's time to take it to the streets.  Google's invasion of privacy with their Street View and the way they get their spiders moving through your personal websites and even chats was way over the top for a long time.  I started a cause against it on Facebook.  Yeah, I know invasion of privacy and Facebook is where I go to mount my cause.  I'm lazy.  But now they are personally harrassing me and keeping me from getting my writing and other computer tasks done.

Don't any  of you besides me have a selection on your popup menus that reads "Inspect Elements?"  And when you go there you  see all kinds of things to click on like resources, scripts, databases, storage, elements themselves, properties, profiles, and more.  When you click on them the writing below them changes or an entirely new graph pops up.  And there are little boxes on the bottom of the screen that change everything when you click on them.    I know I'm not explaining it too well, but I don't understand the whole code thing, and I do have a code, it's in my Google account, and if you go to red beans and rice book and read the entire code book on subversion, one of their primary codes for collecting information on unsuspecting victims. The problem is that I read it or at least skimmed it (I have ADD and found it boring in its highly technical language) twice, and all I can say is that something is up.

I first came across my computer's "anonymous" numbered entry of coded pages one day about two years ago when I was sniffing down around Adwords or Analytics or some place like that.  I recognized my websites and logins or something.  I am not too clear about that revelation because I was in a state of shock.  Now before I go any further, while you are already thinking something is far more wrong with me than ADD, my computer is also hacked, has been hacked for nearly three years, by the same pitiful ex-programmer.  He likes to follow my every virtual move, take screenshots and files of the websites I visit, and do his best to thwart my being able to complete the simplest computer action from going online to printing to logging in--he puts roadblocks in the way of getting things done. I have quit working as a freelance writer because he sabotaged my jobs, and I have ended up in the hospital due to the stress of it.

I have wasted years of my life collecting information on this guy and I have a lot. I even have his GPS coordinates which show that he doesn't live far from me. He is a 29-year-old ex-programmer who claims to know five languages of code. He is unhappily married and I think he has kids. He turned my Mac into a Server which often happens. That's all he wanted originally.  Then he began to become obsessed with my life and my friends,interests, writing, you name it. I found files he keeps on every single thing he can find out about me.  I am 60 years old and this punk kid is jealous if I write to a man or want to put up pictures of Metallica on my wallpaper. I know about him because he used to show me his writing,his toys (mostly Apple), his blog, his manifesto, and more.  Now we are back to being sworn enemies and he makes my life a living hell.

I have done all I can to get him put behind bars.  The FBI just takes my reports and when I inquire about their status tells me to file a report.  The other agencies and orgs don't do anything unless theirs terrorism, state secrets, big sums of money orchild pornography or sexual preying on children. No one cares about the cracks I fall through.


So as he moves in tp seize my fourth installation of Linux and my second computer, I focus on what I might be able to fight:  Google.  Surely there are others who can't work because of the weird things they do to your computer while spying on you.  For example, I recently was trying to write a simple article for the last freelance writing gig I still have. I was trying to copy and paste all of my research materials on one word processing doc and then write the article on there as well.  The problem was when I hit "paste" everything I have copied for the past week came running out all over the page, and it couldn't be easily deleted either.  You can't simply copy it and then select "delete."  I had to spend hours deleting by backing up one letter at a time with the delete key or risk losing all of my material.   It was like that all day. Things pop up out of the keyboard that are put there as "elements," "scripts," "resources," "profiles," etc. and then you can't get rid of them. It's a terrible mess and you can't get anything done. 





Needless to say I spent the entire day attempting to write one article that normally used to take me two hours.  It never got done and I missed my deadline.  I wanted to start grad school next month, but it's all online and I need a computer I can depend on, and with all the hacking and spying going on, I don't have reliable computing.  

There's so much more to say and facts to bring forth, but it's late and I never catch up to all the work I am behind.  I just wanted to put this out there to find out if there are others.

Hello?

1,005 check back next saturday

"Good Evening brothers and sisters of The Planetary Federation.  I'm Metallogie Q. Sunstrike, and  I have another tragic story to report on the consequences of Internet game addiction. Yes, despite medical advances, it's still the disease that won't go away. 

Two lives were shattered, however, perhaps beyond recovery. These two men have only today learned that they have lost track of over 20 years of their lives while they were busy getting their screen time.

"Yes, today we'll  hear from these two brothers,  victims of one of the most addictive games of the earlier years of this millenium, World of Warcraft, or WoW, or Warcrack as it was called back in the day.

"The drama is playing out now, as family members try to comfort the addicts  as they wait to be picked up by FlashSpeed Cyberaddict Recovery Services to be taken in for detox and rehab treatment. 

"The men are Zoroaster and Zola Chand, of the 3500 block of South Michael Jackson Lane.  They were found wandering half-naked, confused and crying this morning by a neighbor, a Henry Higginsworth.  Mr. Higginsworth found them going from house to house looking for a spare computer to use after both of theirs died around the same time late last night. They were getting hysterical and wailing because they could not play their game.

"Internet game addiction afflicts approximately 40 percent of those who play, the same percentage as before we had the Dopamine inhibitors that stop addiction if taken properly.

"Their fathers losing 20 years in virtual reality must come as quite a shock to their grown children. Sabine, the eldest daughter of Zola, told me all the kids were taking it hard despite having disowned the addicted fathers years ago.

"Together the men have five children.  Zola's are Sabine 20, Rickie-Q 19, and Ernie-Zee 17.  Zoroaster has a son Cliff 19, and a daughter, Zee-Zum, 17."

"These poor kids."  Metallogie shook her extensions mournfully. "Certainly they must be embarrassed today.  We feel deeply for them." 

"Oh here comes Sabine and one of the other ones heading towards us now.

"Sabine, and who is this with you?  Okay, Cliff. What has this nightmare has been like for you kids?"

"My childhood was worse than for someone whose Dad had the decency to leave if he wasn't going to show up and be there for the family. We were stuck with this grinning idiot on the couch who never bathed and stank up the house.  I couldn't stand to see that immobile body that never went anywhere--like to a job to earn some money. No, he left supporting us entirely to my mother.  He couldn't be expected to miss his screen time."

"And how about you, darlin'" Metallogie turned to Sabine.

"Same thing. I don't think my father ever knew how old I was at any time, or what grade I was in, if I was dating, or if I got in trouble...   My mother raised us by herself.  She didn't even try to discuss us with him, because he had no interest in anything but WoW. And that hurt...

"You poor kids..." Metallogie cut her off.  Out of the corner of her eye she saw the brothers, shuffling in the way psychotic people do,but definitely headed her way.   
   
"The brothers have finally made it over here to say a few words now.  Let's begin with you Zola.  I understand you had quite a shock today."

"Yes, I was shocked that my sonofabitchin' computer quit on me and I couldn't get my screen time.  I was going to make the next level today for sure too."

"Wasn't there something else that happened today?  Something about your wife Jonesie?"

"Oh yeah, she left me a note saying she was leaving me.  I was all crying and upset but then one of my kids, maybe it was the girl, Sabine, pointed out that the letter was dated about six years back, so why was I acting like it happened today?

"Today I was going to get to the next level, and then this went and happened.  I'll never buy another computer from Macro-Apple I'll tell you.  Garbage!  Crap!  Just got the thing not long ago too. The warranty better still be good.

"Besides, as far as Jonesie goes, she told me a long time ago that it was over when I told her I didn't want to be bothered with my bedroom husbandly duties.  I couldn't focus on anything but WoW, and it just made me cranky to have to be away from the game that long.  I don't know why it took her so long to leave.  Listen, are they just jackin' me around or is it really 2020?"

"No, Zola it really is 2020.  You've been in virtual reality since the early part of this millenium."

"I'll be damned.  The time flew by."

"Addiction is a thief of everything a person has, and we must bear that in mind," Metallogie intoned ponderously looking into the camera.

"The two emergency workers are here with the men now.  I'm going to see if we can get them to say a few words about their evaluation of the brothers.

"Obviously, both Zola and Zoroaster have not been taking care of themselves physically while living in their virtual world.  They are emaciated, suffering from malnutrition I don't doubt, have untreated bilateral carpal tunnel syndrome, report ongoing acute and chronic migraines, and Zola says that a doctor once told him he had a deep vein thrombosis from sitting so much.  The rest of their medical problems will be determined by physicians at the recovery center.

"I have seen cases where people have lost time before due to Internet game addiction, but never quite as much as 20 years. It will be one tough road back for these two guys, I'm afraid."

"Thank you.  And thank you all for watching and remember this story if you are ever tempted to play Internet video games.  That's it for tonight.  Peace and higher Consciousness, I'm Metallogie Q. Sunstrike."

http://emlynchand.com/2011/01/22/writing-contest-week-1-give-me-1000-words-on-rip-van-video-gamer/

Reminder: Enter the Contest, Two Must Have/Must Reads & Mini-Meditations

I am reading another inspiring book by the author of the book that changed my life by putting me in touch with my life's purpose:  Life's Companion: Journal Writing As A Spiritual Quest.  I can't recommend this book highly enough to anyone who wants to enter the adventure of self-discovery and spiritual insights that is journal writing as Christina Baldwin outlines it.  She learned what her life's purpose was as she wrote this book, and I felt we shared an epiphany.

If you don't journal, start with the exercises in this book.  They are not stupid, silly, superficial or time-wasters like so many journaling prompts you will find on the Internet and in books.  You will get to revelations that normally take years with a spiritual counselor or therapist, and I've compared both.

The more recent book of hers that I am currently reading is Seven Whispers.  (This extraordinary book can be had used for $2.69 today, and Life's Companion for $5. something.)

It's an illuminating book I'm sure.  The subtitle is "A Spiritual Practice for Times Like These."

It really is for times like these too.  I have a problem meditating because of my ADD and distractible monkey mind.  I started the day off badly by skipping over morning journaling for the most part, giving a big "Later" to prayer and meditation and going right to the computer.

My hacker, Dave,  was ready for me and stopped pretty much every action I tried to initiate until I felt like I might  tear my hair out at the very least.  I wanted the peace of mind I normally enjoy in the morning.   I picked up this book remembering an exercise that I had found peace from before.

Since it's not a murder mystery I'll go ahead and tell you what the seven whispers are.   She calls them "seven directions" that came into her mind over a period of months.  She writes, "They are short, memorable phrases that can be recited as prayer and remembered in moments of need.  I think of them as whispers of spiritual connection."

Because Christina Baldwin has already proven herself to me as someone intuitive, spiritually advanced, always growing and intellectually as well as emotionally brilliant, I trust that there will be much wisdom to come in the seven whispers.  They are listed as:

Maintain peace of mind.
Move at the pace of guidance.
Practice certainty of purpose.
Surrender to surprise.
Ask for what you need and offer what you can.
Love the folks in front of you.
Return to the world.

I am anxious to see what is revealed about each.  I am only up to the second one.  Back to my new mini-meditation for "times like these."   I was all jingled-jangled with frayed nerves after hassling for several hours with Dave,  and then I remembered something that helped me in this book.  She wrote about the simple teaching of the Vietnamese monk Thich Nhat Hanh.   Here it is, my new borrowed idea of a mini-meditation for those who can't sit still and don't focus too well:

Take one breath to let go, one breath to be here,  and one breath to ask now what?

I really did feel myself letting go, being present and ready to ask now what without reservation.  Try it and let me know how it works for you.  Do it now.  You can do it wherever you are. 
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The post I wrote about this blog's first contest in was so long I expect no one will ever read it.  I will make that a New Year's resolution:  To write blog posts that are shorter.  I will really work on this, but it may take some getting used to for me.  Let me know when they're still too long.

Let me recap the contest for those who couldn't wade through all that verbiage.

It's a contest about giving up being cool for the sake of becoming authentic as many of us have done.  It is a welcome relief to no longer feel obliged to keep up with the latest music, styles and trends in favor of that old time religion of comfort, genuineness, things that last and have lasting meaning, friendships that go deep and are lasting,  not being ashamed to enjoy the square things in life that we used to be too hip to be seen doing like playing Bingo, rink roller skating, and going dumpster diving for goods like books, clothes and household stuff (I'm working my way up to food).  Maybe that last part is a bit too real for some of you, but I bet you do things too like go to Swamp-A-Rama on Sunday mornings and I hope it's not to pick up eight-tracks or Monkey posters, but, hey, if it is, we want your submission in this contest.  

My brother-in-law who has always had the latest and best music as long as I've known him (45 years) recently confessed that he recently stopped  listening to music because he wasn't getting as much out of it as before.  Reminded me of how pot gave me up by making me paranoid long before I gave it up because I was in a recovery program for alcohol and drugs.  You get older and things change.  I don't wear makeup anymore.  I'm not out to impress anyone and Lord knows I'm not into flirting with another old fart my same age.  It would seem like some sort of weird incest I think.  You  know who you are and you know who that other person is.  There's no mystery, no allure.  How can there be romance. Okay, sisters, start writing me your comments.  My e-mail address is posted on the top of this blog.

Send in a page or two about how that change took place--gradually, radically; how it affected the significant others in your life; what new interests and hobbies came with it; do old friends believe it's still you in there building model airplanes on a Saturday night?  Give plenty of  specific examples of how you have or haven't changed.  If you are a legitimately born and bred cool dude (that's both sexes) like Johnny Depp, Jack Nicholson, Lou Reed,  Patti Smith, Cyndi Lauper or the like then tell us about how that is today,  and you might still win a prize.  If you want to know what the prizes are go back and look at that blog issue please so this post will remain short on logorrhea as promised.