Jump for Joy

Joy is not just for children.  Do you have a joyful life?  I believe it is part of the divine plan to have joyful lives all of our days.  There are many signs and wonders pointing to this conclusion:  Love, babies being born, the sunsets and sunrises, the oceans and lakes and rivers; the variety of beautiful birds, fish and wildlife, rainbows, music, art and so much more all around you.  But are you appreciating it and feeling the joy?


Sometimes we have mean inner critics and scolds in our head who have the voice of a parent, teacher, or spouse, and these tell us we don't deserve joy.  Wake up.  Joy is there in abundance for all of us and it doesn't depend on your worthiness.  The higher power and the universe don't play that nasty way.  It's all given to you because you are loved unconditionally.


What pleasures are you foregoing because you feel too guilty or unworthy to take part in going after them?  If reading or writing is a great joy for you, don't allow yourself to feel like you should be doing something less fun, more boring, and thankless like cleaning house or decluttering.  Puhleeze.  That's your grandmother's voice telling you that you must be a human doing not human being.  Women especially are or used to be thought to keep it all together for a family.  The mother couldn't take a day off to wander in the woods looking for faries and journaling.  She should be ironing sheets and pillowcases or cleaning in back of the stove.  What total shit.


Men can take themselves too serious too because they think of themselves as the breadwinners, sometimes even if their wives make more money than they do.  Still, a man provides for his family, and in his free time he fixes or maintains something.  There's grass to cut, oil to change, and cabinet handles to put back on.  What a load of rot.


You could be missing out on some great times and rushes of bliss by not going with the flow that leads to joy.  We need other people, activities, music, books and art or just getting away by ourselves without guilt for a day.  We are meant to be joyous.


What brings you pleasure?  Quick, while you're thinking of it, make a list of the top pleasures you enjoy.  It could be as simple as drinking your morning coffee or it could be dressing formal and going to an opera.  What lights up your board?  What are you doing at those times when hours fly by like minutes.  What do you fantasize about doing "if only you had time."


You do have time.  You have the eternal Now which is really all any of us has.  Stop living for tomorrow and take a break.  Here's how to begin:  Say these things in your mind as you inhale deeply:


I take one breath to let go.


One breath to be here.


One breath to ask "Now what?"


Centers you and prepares you for a new beginning.  Today is the day you pull out your list of pleasures simple and complex, write beside each entry the last time you did it, and start with the ones you've not done but always wanted to try and then you can move to the ones where too much time has gone by without you experiencing it.


How can you make room in your life for pleasure?  It's easy if you use your divine intuition to find the answer.  You know, you aren't the only one who can take care of your baby.  Let some other baby lover have a turn while you go to a movie or an art gallery or to a thrift shop.


Here's some ideas for you.  These are some of the things that give me the most pleasure.  Try some or noodle on the Internet to find new ways of finding joy.


I love and I get great pleasure from:


1.  Going to the library and checking out 20 books if I want to as well as buying some of the sale books.  I bring them home and drop them all over my bed and I feel like I'm six and it's Christmas morning.  I don't know what to read about first:  making jewelry, decoupaging, decorating flowerpots, the short stories and poetry of Raymond Carver or fiction in the old New Yorkers I've bought for a dime each.


2.  Browsing at stores I have never been in but meant to visit and hanging out at the Carousel Thrift Shop, my own personal Disneyland bring me enormous pleasure.  I am quite happy just looking without buying if need be, but who can resist a vegetarian cookbook for 75 cents or a pair of beaded earrings for a dollar?  I pick up cheap candles, craft paint, cups and saucers from other countries, and men's shorts because they have those deep pockets that stuff isn't always falling out of.  Browsing at a book store is always a thrill for me too.


3.  Being creative brings me lots of pleasure and causes me to lose all sense of time going by.  I enjoy art journaling where I take an old textbook and paint or cover the pages in scrapbook paper, pictures, postcards or whatever and then get as wild as I want to be.  It's for my eyes only.  I can be as opinionated as all get out, and I can enter signs and notes about my daily activities.  I might glue on a page from a menu where I  had lunch, a photo I got developed, a matchbook from a club I visited to watch and learn belly dancing or just draw and color with markers.  I feel like I'm six once again with my first big box of crayons.


4. Spending time with my adult children usually brings me pleasure and gives me raw joy that runs deep.  I am elated when my daughter invites me to go to church or to a movie with her, or when my son is actually willing to let me cook a meal for him and he eats it.  When they're not criticising me or telling me how I should live my life, I get a lot of delight out of our visits.


5. I find real joy in eating chocolate, the darker the better.  I have a new addiction:  Reese's Peanut Butter Cups with dark chocolate.  Put some in the fridge for later and then prepare to taste a bit of paradise.


There's more, of course, but I don't want to bore you.  I also brainstormed and came up with some things I'd like to try that might bring me joy like taking a Zumba Fitness class through our park district.  Zumba, if you don't know, is dancing to a variety of world rhythms like the salsa, merengue, cumbia, bellydance, Bollywood and reggaeton.  Doesn't that sound like something that could not only get you going but knock decades off your age too?  I can't wait.


Or I could join Toastmasters and learn more about public speaking.  I know that isn't everybody's idea of a good time, but I went to some of their meetings and participated enough to know that I love it.


I've been using Feng Shui to free the chi in my home office, and I really think I could find oodles of joy continuing to balance the yin and the yang throughout the whole place.  I've got colored marbles in blue-tinted Mason jars for the element of water for bringing inner tranquility, spirituality, inner development and independence.  I've got plants to enhance chi and I gave them some razmatazz with the addition of twinkle lights laced through them.  I have so many candles on my desk that I might start a fire but I will maintain chi.  I put up butterfly windchimes, and made a rope with seven metal bells on it and strung crystals and beads to hang near the window.  It is so bee-u-ti-ful!   I have many more ideas.  Now I just have to rise out of my rut or comfort zone as I call it and go have new joyful experiences.  I wish you much joy.  Now go out and find it right where it has been all the time:  in the eternal Now.

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

Look at the lovely nude family I found on Cafe Mom. Those are some natural, healthy people

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

MS REFUSENIK TELLS IT LIKE IT IS: HITCHHIKING NAKED

This is my most popular blog entry according to Feedjit, and people google "hitchhiking naked" (for strange reasons I'm better off not knowing. I came back to re-read this entry, and it is just as sweet, innocent and pure as I remembered it. Folks, grow up. Our bodies are just are vessels for the soul and we all get naked some time. The point I make, as a feminist/flower child (old lady), is that when everybody is on the same child-like, innocent page without pornographic urges, it's like being a child skinny dipping in the ocean. It was magical. It's too bad such a lovely memory has to now serve as a beacon for those desperately seeking smut.

Have You Helped the World Lately With An Act of Random Kindness?

"People say what we're all seeking is a meaning for life...  I think that what we're really seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonance within our innermost being and reality, so that we can actually feel the rapture of being alive."--Joseph Campbell

"A human being is a part of the whole that we call the universe,a part limited in time and  space.  He experiences himself,his thoughts and feelings,as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical illusion of his consciousness.  This illusion is a prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for only the few people nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living beings and all of nature."--Albert Einstein

Want to feel happy now?  Commit a random act of  kindness  to someone you know or someone you have never met before. Research has proven that these acts of kindness actually reduce stress.  Read more research, sign up for a free newsletter, get ideas for your random acts and more at Random Acts of Kindness Foundation.org.  Be sure to check out  the kindness links to similar sites.

An act of kindness that feels small to you, like smiling and saying hello to a stranger, can be a very important moment in the life of a person who is depressed, lonely or feeling like giving up.

Other acts of kindness suggestions:

Pay Someone's Toll

We've all been there: waiting in a long line of cars at a toll booth, sometimes for up to an hour or more, simply waiting to pay our toll so we can get on to our destination. Traffic on a summer weekend or during the holidays can be awful. Why not make someone's experience a little more pleasant and pay their toll for them?


Give Carepacks to the Homeless

There are so many everyday accessories and toiletries we take for granted - toothbrushes, toothpaste, soap, shampoo, deodorant.

Pay the Tab for the Person Behind You

Have you ever experienced kindness from someone you don’t know? Knowing that someone else noticed you can make your day a thousand times better, especially if you’re feeling down. Celebrate those around you by doing random acts of kindness for strangers, just for the sake of making someone else happy. Pay the tab for someone behind you in line at the grocery store, gas station or the drive-through. It doesn't have to be costly, just friendly.
Benefits

Offer to pay the tab for the person in line behind you at the grocery store or gas station. You could also pay for the drink of someone behind you at a coffee shop. If you notice someone who looks like they’re having a bad day, all the more reason to cheer them up with a random act of kindness!

When you notice that someone in line in front of you at a store is short on money when it comes time for them to pay, offer to chip in a few bucks or whatever it takes to help them afford their purchases.

"Constant kindness can accomplish much. As the sun makes ice melt, kindness causes misunderstanding, mistrust, and hostility to evaporate."--Albert Schweitzer (1875-1965); French philosopher, physician
beremedy.org

"Beremedy.org is an organization connecting people who need help with those who want to give it via social media. We feel that most people would help if they simply knew the needs in their local community. Through applications like Twitter and Facebook, beremedy alerts people when someone in their community needs help. Members then respond to the message or pass on the message to those they feel can.

You can be the remedy! To learn more, visit their website: "

#10 Give It Away, Give It Away Now!  from list of  "10 Things Science Says Will Make You Happy,"
by Jen Angel

"Make altruism and giving part of your life, and be purposeful about it. Researcher Stephen Post says helping a neighbor, volunteering, or donating goods and services results in a “helper’s high,” and you get more health benefits than you would from exercise or quitting smoking. Listening to a friend, passing on your skills, celebrating others’ successes, and forgiveness also contribute to happiness, he says. Researcher Elizabeth Dunn found that those who spend money on others reported much greater happiness than those who spend it on themselves."

Be sure to check out the World Kindness Movement.org

There you will learn that this November 13 is World Kindness Day.  Many member countries are organizing 
Kindness activities to celebrate this day. Find out more about World Kindness Day and what events are taking place around the world.

Joy Cometh In the Morning: Bring Joy Into Your Life Now

Photo: @Sam  Young8 and That Amy Sloan: Sunday with @Photo,
by Photo
Flickr Creative Commons

I'll show you mine if you'll show me yours:  A list of a few of the things that bring me joy and put me in the Divine Now:

(If you haven't experienced any joy recently, use things that have brought you joy in the past or might in the future.)

1. Zumba Fitness - Dance to world rhythms like salsa, merengue,cumbia, bellydance, Bollywood and reggaeton.

2.  Going to new places (neighborhoods, restaurants, shops, countries, states...) and exploring.

3,  Tending plants and flowers.

4.  Reading for fun.

5.  My children (sometimes)

6.  Coffee & Diet Coke

7.  Meditating at my new altar I just made.

8.  Beautifying something somewhere. (Yesterday I painted little wooden stars and put glitter on them. Then I arranged them in beautiful glass bowl with seashells.  Attractive display on end table that brings me joy was result.)

9.  Planning meals, menus, writing list of ingredients needed, shopping for meals, and cooking them to serve with love.

10.  Dreaming/Fantasizing.

As you can see, you don't need money to go bring more joy into your life. If you needed money, I'd be one miserable old soul.  If you can't afford to travel to another country, go visit a neighborhood you've never explored. 

Now make your list:

Things, People, Adventures  & Miscellaneous That Bring Me Joy Or Might:

(Let your imagination run free.  Don't tack on any "Yes, Buts.")

1.

2.

3.

etc.-- As many as you can think of.

When was the last time, if ever, that you did or appreciated any of the things on your list?

What can you do today to raise your vibration frequency and feel joy coursing through you?

What I have done so far today to put me in the Divine Now and in the flow of  joy:

1.  Planted some seedlings in the house.

2.  Did something creative:  Wrote a senryu on FanStory.com.  (This is it:  Tornado flattened the house
                                                                                                                 Dead occupant
                                                                                                                  Still clutched channel changer.)
If only the man could have pushed a button on remote to change the weather, hug?

3.  Wrote from the heart to uplift others.  (You're reading the results.)

4. Enjoyed several cups of coffee and a few Diet Cokes in the can.  They just taste better in the can.)

5.  Read something fun and uplifting: A book I highly recommend for its secrets of joyful living and 12 tenets of awakening:

I read it today. 

6.  Sat at my new altar, lit the candle and attempted to meditate.

7.  Conversed with my delightful son and told him I'd spring for a haircut if that's something he wants.

Now what can you do today to raise yourself into the Divine Now with joy?  Make them baby steps if  that's easier for you. You can plan your adventures for tomorrow and enjoy researching possibilities tomorrow.  That could bring joy in itself. 

What else?  Can you do something creative?  With children?  Go out with friends or talk on the phone with them?  Dance wildly in your own living room?  Listen to some rock 'n roll cranked up to 10?  Bring order to your desk and/or office?  Pick some flowers or buy some to put around your house?   Get an ice cream cone and not worry about the fat and calories just for today?  Have an old-fashioned char-broiled hamburger for lunch or dinner that you made or found by googling/"Dexing" under "Top 10 hamburgers in St. Paul," or wherever you live?  Eat a banana Popsicle?  Take a scented bubble bath surrounded by lit candles?  Marvel at something that seems ordinary until you do:  a book on your desk, the rug, a bowl, a piece of lint.  Just stare at whatever it is and see it anew and marvel at it. 

I marvelled at a magazine picture I cut out and taped to the wall in my most used sight line.  I thought I hung it up to inspire me to keep losing weight and look as good in jeans as the model in the picture. When I marvelled at it though I really saw it.  It shows a woman with a cup of coffee in one hand and a sledgehammer in the other beaming before a big hole in the wall that showed another room behind it.  I realized I had actually hung up that particular picture not for the tight butt looking good in jeans, but for the contemplated power of taking a sledgehammer to some negative things in my life like my past regrets, the places where I am stuck, my messy house, my inertia...

Only you know what can bring you joy now, no waiting in line, no money necessary if that's a concern.  Get into your kid part of yourself and come up with cool, fun, easy to do things that make you joyful.  Leave me your lists in the comments section and I'll post them tomorrow with your permission.


Joy & Bliss,

MsRefusenik/Maryellen

FREE! Free of the Past and All Its Regrets; Free of the Worries That Are Only in The Future

 

Maybe you're sick of hearing people talk and write about living in the Now.  Let's dissect it one more time.  I hope you will join me in my efforts to stay in the day.  Be here now, sure, but how?

Twelve Step groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous teach newcomers to take it a day at a time.  We can't quit drinking forever, so there's no point in thinking or saying, "I'll never drink again."  The same thing applies to quitting drugs forever or any other dis-ease that is result of making something other than the Divine your power greater than yourself to whom you surrender all.  We sought to fill up that always ravenous, parched emptiness inside--the big hole we kept trying to fill with food, sex, drugs, booze, gambling, and so on, but it is, as they say in A.A., a God-shaped hole and only accepting Oneness with the Divine can completely fill that empty space of pain and longing.  What we cannot give up forever, we can abstain from just for a day--five minutes at a time if need be.

Newly sober and clean addicts and alcoholics are an excellent example of people who must dive in and take a crash course in living in the Now.  Their lives depend on staying out of the past and future as much as possible because they are still so close to their using and drinking and relapse may be the direct result of those thoughts.  "Just because you think a thought doesn't mean you have to entertain it," one of my spiritual teachers told me when I was new in recovery.  "You don't have to get out the tablecloth, light the candles and set the table for it."  In learning how to better meditate, hard with my monkey-mind, I try to practice what I have learned from others about just observing a thought that comes unwanted and unbidden as if it were a cloud passing by.  "Thought," the meditating mind might note, and then go back to paying attention to breathing.

One of the cruder things you might hear people share as wisdom at an A.A. or N.A. meeting is this:  "If you have one foot in yesterday and one foot in tomorrow, you are pissing all over today.  No need to get upset worrying about the wedding you must attend in four months, and whether or not you'll stay clean and sober at the reception.  If it's not today, they learn to let go of it.

 

If newly recovering people, or people who've been clean for a while, or persons without addictions (there must be some out there somewhere),  let their minds get away from this very day, this very hour, this very minute, it might take that long-ingrained habitual lonely trip back to the past with all its embarrassments, losses, shame, remorse and self-hatred. Or it might take a fantasy trip to a future that may never come where all of your worries come true:  You do end up alone, lonely and forsaken.  You do lose someone you love.  Something terrible does happen to one of your children.   So the newly recovering person gradually comes to change their manner of thinking and to let go of the dead past and the uncertain future and live at peace 24 hours at a time.  If they opt to instead dwell on the past or future, they have a good chance of using/drinking, and for them, to go back to that every day hell is to die, literally and suddenly, or just a complete going back to numbness and sickness and dying some every new day. 

I was recently reading a daily reflection/meditation sort of book that gave this exercise as a meditation: "I will meditate on how taking care of myself in the present can help me accept my past.and stop worrying about things and circumstances that aren't today."  I bet if I had the energy and the time to keep a daily log of how often I drift from the living Now to the dead past and worrisome future I would find that I spend a very small percentage of my days living in the present moment.  Yet in the present I have no fears, shame, regrets--none of  it, so why wouldn't I want to be here now constantly?

My mind, and maybe yours, is a bad neighborhood I shouldn't travel through alone.  Self-love, self-esteem and self-confidence are drowned out by flashes of scandalous, humiliating things I've done or said at some time in my life, and it could be when I was just an innocent child who told a lie to her father or stole change from my mother's purse.  Those little failures have grown large and monstrous after all these years of returning to the memories, and I cannot live at peace or love myself when the shame and self-hatred start or the fears begin to trap me and threaten to cause my heart to stop if I don't pay attention to them.

The "Course in Miracles" says that all negative things are the result of fear and that fear is a lack of love.  Get rid of those forays into the future where you are terminally ill and in a state nursing facility where you are drugged and disrespected.  Here's some things I did to rid myself of my everyday fears.  First I admitted I had fears.  That took some honesty because denial tells me that I am easy-going, mellow and go with the flow.  There are times my heart beats out of my chest and I feel I cannot draw in a breath because I have let my fears scare me so completely.   Next, I did a mini-twelth-step program fourth step and took a written inventory of what my primary fears are, why I have them, and what I need to do about each.  The A.A. "Big Book" suggests that we review these fears and ask ourselves, "Where has self-reliance failed me?  If I truly surrender to a power greater than myself, one that I believe loves me madly and forever and knows the number of hairs on my head, and just wants me to live in joy, love and happiness, I will have no fears. Love comes in and does for me what I cannot do for myself. 

Here's some closing affirmations to help you live in the divine and wondrous Now:

**Today I will look at the rules I live by and change them to fit the person I am today.  (Freeing isn't it?)

**I will cultivate and listen to my intuitive self.

**I am learning to flow with the current of life."

**I let go and let God, Love, the Universe... 

It's okay to let go.  You are safe in loving arms.  You are meant to live in joy today.

Quitting the Final Addiction

I hope today's post will be of interest to all those who have overcome or want to overcome an addiction whether it's to alcohol, drugs, sugar, overeating, gambling...

I have already done my time in hell hitting bottom with alcohol and drugs, and then getting clean and sober. No easy feat, but my Higher Power did it for me I believe. By myself I am helpless and hopeless,but I believe I can do it with a power higher than myself: Good old HP.

I also have to contend with adult attention deficit disorder and bipolar disorder, also under control today.

Now I'm going for the big one, the one that can make grown people yell for their mommas it's so hard. The one that people try to break free of over and over again usually until they finally succeed, usually after years of attempts that didn't get the job done.

No, I'm not talking about heroin or even it's more tenacious cousin, Methadone. I'm getting very close to quitting smoking. They say in Overeaters Anonymous that breaking the addiction to food is rough because you still have to eat every day. That's sort of how I feel about smoking. It is part of my life from the minute I wake up till when I go to bed that night.

I smoke with my morning coffee and with my afternoon and evening tea and Diet Coke. I smoke on the phone, when talking to someone in person, after a meal, when I'm writing, proofreading or editing; when I'm worried or just want to unwind and relax. I smoke when I see or read of someone lighting up a cigarette, even fictional characters in novels. I light up when I read the mail, take a break from housework or get aggravated. I smoke when I feel good and when I feel lousy. I stuff my negative feelings like resentment, anger and irritation with somebody by having a cigarette. And I always light up one of my Marlboro Lights when I think about quitting smoking. Fear causes me to smoke too, and I am so afraid of all the unhappy consequences I will endure with a cigarette jones. 

I'm quite sure it's easier for an alcoholic to give up their best friend, booze, or a drug addict to "just say no" (Yeah, right) than it is to give up the old coffin nails, cancer sticks, fags, or a regular smoke (as opposed to a joint) than it is for a long-time smoker to live without nicotine.

There is a Nicotine Anonymous 12-step program, but I go to enough self-help meetings and I'm convinced that sitting around a table with other former smokers talking about cigarettes, smoking and how much we want just one, would make me want to smoke something fierce.

I also am against nicotine aids for myself. Now they are saying that the quit-smoking drug Chantix kills people. I've heard many times of people using the Nicorette gum and then staying on it for years, unable to cut that nicotine addiction. Same goes for patches, electric cigarettes, chewing tobacco and snuff. I am not interested in trading in my smoking addiction for something new I can be a slave to. I have been nicotine's bitch far too long to want to continue with that as my master

Get this: I'm so messed up I once quit smoking for ten years, and returned to it.  I enjoyed being a non-smoker and tasting my food, not having to be distracted by cravings, able to exercise without getting winded, not having to worry if I'll get COPD or lung cancer every single day, and being able to sit through movies without having to miss a part of them.

Ten long years, often fighting the "I'll just have one" lie, and I ended up smoking again as though I'd never quit. To be fair, I was going through a horrendous divorce and custudy battle and bipolar disorder was settling  and causing me to lose my sanity. Still I regret the relapse, as every addict regrets a relapse, and the return to an active addiction.

I also quit for four years after that relapse which lasted years. I went back to my lover cigarettes even after having 1,460 days to think about it. It's madness.

Quitting smoking has been my number one written out goal on every goal-setting list since I last relapsed after the four years around 12 years ago. I'm sick of seeing it on those lists. I have been able to successfully meet quite a few of my other goals, including losing a substantial amount of weight, but that one is a perennial that blooms anew on each list.  I want to draw a line through it in the worst way.

Something happened recently that convinced me it was time to quit. I found an ashtray full of cigarette butts in my son's room one day when I went in there to open a window. He may be 21-years-old and an adult, but the idea of him starting smoking when I am so desperate to quit, and the fact that he's heard enough about the evils of smoking all his life into his adulthood made me very depressed. My daughter just quit three weeks ago. I faced the fact that I am a bad influence. I don't think my son smoked before he moved in with me last November. The kid doesn't even drink.

I confronted him on the butts and he told me some whopper about just getting rid of butts he didn't smoke himself, but he did admit to smoking at work. Smoking is smoking--it's like saying you're just a little bit pregnant. You're either pregnant or you're not. Any way you look at it, he was opening himself up to the worst addiction I've ever known. He claims he will stop now, but I already found out he lies about it.

I am a terrible influence. He asked me when he first moved in to not smoke so much in the house because it was bothering him. Know what I told him? Hitler Youth and assorted fascists have not allowed me to smoke in restaurants, stores, offices, theaters, hospitals, hotels, elevators or even at bus stops out in the open under the big blue sky. My home was my last refuge as a place where I could smoke in peace and, by God, I wasn't giving up that freedom for him or anybody else. What a loving, nuturing mother, eh? Putting my own wants and needs above the legitimate wants and needs of my own son. I deserve to get emphysema and carry around an oxygen canister for years until I turn blue and die.

So I'm going cold turkey any day now. I don't know exactly what day, because I'm too chicken to put a big red "Q-day" on my day planner. I've done it that way before and when Q-day dawns I feel like the guard is locking my cell door.

My insurance gives me eight sessions of smoking cessation therapy with a doctor per year. I spent yesterday trying to locate one in my Zip code but all the phone numbers were wrong and I couldn't make an appointment. I plan to spend another morning trying again. I'm thinking that I might want to be hypnotized too for extra quitting insurance. I've heard of it working for some people, haven't you?

Another plus in my court is that I bought the number one quit smoking book that former smokers swear by and cannot write enough glowing reviews about on Amazon.com. The book is "The Easy Way to Stop Smoking," by Allen Carr. Carr has become the number one guru of quitting smoking. He has some 70 smoking cessation clinics around the country that offer a money back guarantee, ("without quibbling"), which I find incredible given the odds of smoking relapse. He also has a cheaper ($5.95), smaller book titled "The Little Book of Quitting Smoking." He used to smoke himself and only staffs his clinics with ex-smokers. I sure hope his book and website with locations of these money back clinics' five-hour seminars can help me Oh, forget that. Seminars are $350.

Here are some encouraging words from the website:

"Allen Carr's Easyway was founded in 1983. Since then an estimated 10m smokers have quit using his method. Allen Carr's Easyway seminar has the highest independently-evaluated success-rate in the quit smoking industry. It is endorsed by many doctors and dentists, but most of all by happy ex-smokers who have quit with us: over 80% of our seminar bookings are as a result of personal recommendation."

Oh well, I can't be one of the one million attendees who write that it was "fun" to quit with Carr's method, but I've got the book. Apparently the premise of the method is that you're not really "giving up" anything, you're choosing to become a non-smoker. So you, supposedly, can enjoy the experience of becoming a non-smoker. Whoo! I'm laughing and smiling already (I am so sure!).

Are You Afraid of Success? Do You Procrastinate? Maybe You Are.

 Photo:  Mike Schreiber holding his book "True Hip-Hop," by jramspott.  Flickr Creative Commons attribute license.



Procrastination is one great way to avoid success, but there are others you can create.  Why wouldn't you want success?  Success comes with responsibilities, and many people don't care for those.  It is so much easier to not leave your comfort zone with the "Someday I'll _________philosophy."  You take no action and one day die with regrets.  

Some people fear change of any kind.  If you were very successful, you might opt to live elsewhere in a different house, make new friends (and maybe let go of some old ones?), You'd wear different clothes, go different places, do different things?  Would your spouse or partner say they didn't recognize you anymore and leave you?Would any part of your life be the same?  That's some scary stuff,  thinking about all those things changing.

We have choices and not choosing means we won't get our dream that we have been fantasizing about for so long.  We will get nothing or random tidbits that fall on us.  Because we figure if we choose we risk losing.  Nothing ventured, nothing gained, but we tell ourselves at least we didn't lose anything.  But what about the promising opportunities we lost out on?  What if we do try and try hard, and not get our dream?  What then? Think about this:

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory or defeat."  --Theodore Roosevelt

Do you really want to measure out your life in coffee spoons, as T.S. Eliot wrote? 
Do you want to be on your deathbed with deep regrets, cursing the fears that paralyzed you and kept you from choosing, taking risks, and getting into action?

If we succeed we get in touch with our personal power, and not everyone is ready for that.  We are far more powerful than we let ourselves believe.  That power also carries responsibilities, doesn't it?  We have no one to blame bad things on that might happen.  We are obliged more than ever to look out for the weaker souls who have little or no personal power. 

If we choose our dream, what happens to all the other choices we don't choose?  We fear doors closing for good on long-time schemes and pipe dreams. 

Perhaps we feel unworthy of success so we do our best to sabotage it.  We procrastinate on giving birth to an idea we've had that just might succeed.  We don't go back to school ever, after spending years saying we would go back in months or years.  We turn down the promotion because we "don't want the headaches that go with it, which is just another way of avoiding responsibility.  We don't end up sharing our life with the one person we truly loved because we always believed they were too good for us.

We are worthy of success as  are all God's children.  It's we have unique talents and qualities.   We must forgive our selves and others for everything in order to feel worthy.  Resentments of any kind, ancient reasons for self-loathing, must be let go of to begin a new quality of life.  Resentments harbored against another keep us out of the radiant light of the spirit and dwelling in darkness.

Ask yourself honestly if you fear success and accept the truth that comes to you.  Do this:  Make a list of all the reasons you are afraid to succeed and give examples of the actions or failure to act that go with them. 

Do you tell people your dream and share how much you want it, and then do nothing to work towards it?  Do you set goals and priorities that center on choosing your dream?  If not, what do they focus on?  What we give our attention to grows is a well-known truth. 

Now give yourself some positive strokes and make a list of signs that you do want to succeed no matter how small they are.  Are you making any attempts to succeed?  How? Can you rise above the cultural programming that says ordinary people do not find extraordinary success?  You must believe in your dream to bring it to life.  You must not put qualifiers on your success. 

Take one action, even a small one, towards fulfilling your dream today.  Make a vision board you can look at every day that reminds you of what you want in your life in five or ten or twenty years.  Add to it as dreams surface.  Do one thing that you have been procrastinating on for a long time.  At least start action even if you don't complete the whole thing today.

If you have a belief in a power greater than yourself, ask it what it would have you do and to show you the path to it. 

Do it now.  Today.  This moment.  Live a life without major regrets.

Hey, KC, >8-D, :-(O)..., 2bctnd--A Guide to Text Messages and Abbreviations

A friend whose poem I reviewed on FanStory come replied to my ultra-positive words with nothing but this: :-).  Was this some bit of common knowledge that I had missed, I wondered.  A Google search revealed that the author sent smiling face with nose.  Hey, these things are sort of fun when you know what they mean.  Today's headline up there reads in English as, "Keep cool, evil crazed laughter, drooling, to be continued--a guide to text messages and abbreviations.  AB!


Guide to Text Messages:

:)	smiling face without nose
:-)	smiling face with nose
:(	frowning face without nose
:-(	frowning face with nose
#:-)	smiling with a fur hat
&:-)	smiling with curls
*<|:o)>	Santa Clause
:-)...	drooling
:-7	smirk
:-D	grinning
:@	shouting
:`(	crying
:-()	shocked
:-(O)	shouting
:-\	skeptical
:-|	determined
:-~)	having a cold
:-<	cheated
:-9	salivating
:-x	small kiss
:-X	big kiss
>8-D	evil crazed laughter

Text Message Abbreviation List
Some of the text message abbreviations which are used very often have been listed below along with their meanings.

Text Message Abbreviation	Meaning
2bctnd	to be continued
2g4u	too good for you
2l8	Too late
2WIMC	too whom it may concern
4e	Forever
4yeo	for your eyes only
A3	anytime, anywhere, anyplace
AAM	as a matter of fact
AB!	Ah Bless!
ADctd2uv	addicted to love
AFAIK	as far as I know
AFK	away from keyboard
AML	all my love
ASAP	as soon as possible
ASL	age, sex, location
ATW	at the weekend
B4N	bye for now
Cm	call me
CU	see you
CUL	see you later
DUR?	don't you remember?
EOD	end of discussion
EOL	end of lecture
F2F	face to face
F2T	free to talk
FC	fingers crossed
FYEO	for your eyes only
BTW	by the way
FYI	for your information
G9	genius
GG	good game
GMTA	great minds think alike
GR8	great
GTSY	great to see you
H&K	hugs and kisses
H8	hate
HAGN	have a good night
HAND	have a nice day
IC	I see
IDK	I don't know
IMO	in my opinion
J4F	just for fun
J4K	just for kisses
KC	keep cool
KIT	keep in touch
LOL	laughing out loud
M8	mate
MGB	may God bless
MYOB	mind your own business
NO1	no one
O4U	only for you
PCM	please call me
PPL	people
RMB	ring my bell
SOL	sooner or later
SRY	sorry
STATS	your sex and age
T+	think positive
T2ul	talk to you later
U4E	yours forever
URTO	you are the one
W4U	waiting for you
WAN2	want to
WRT	with respect to
WTG	way to go
WUF	where are you from
YBS	you will be sorry

Use  these text message symbols and abbreviations in your messages or while using instant message services. But bear in mind, that all mobile phones may not compulsorily support these text message symbols.

Shah Newaz Alam put these together and I borrowed them a quick minute.

I now will be signing my e-mails "H&K &:-)" .   I love it.  I'm sure my sister or friends, who aren't kids or Generation-X, Y or Z will be vexed and make me stop playing around when they don't know what I'm saying.  Bunch of killjoys.  Hey isn't there are text message for buzz kill?  I say its #@&*).  Do you think it will catch on?  It has those symbols to indicate that the writer is swearing at you for killing his buzz.  Now send me some of your text messages and abbreviations in the comments section and I'll publish them next time.  Be sure to tell me what they mean.

U4E SRS (stark raving sober),

Maryellen/MsRefusenik

P.S. Yesterday in my writer's resources I mentioned freelance work writing college textbook supplements.  I linked it to the article I read about it.  Today I found out that you can download (free) the first two chapters.  There's good stuff here.  Go get it or buy the book for $29.

Writing and Freelancing Links You'll Thank Me For

 

 Writers, and freelance writers, want to be productive each day.  They really want to meet the writing goals they have set for themselves for that day.  But first, you have to check your e-mail in all your e-mail accounts and respond to it.  Several e-mails offer newsletters to read, and that takes time.  Writing back to the people who wrote  you, and on and on until you're entirely sucked into the vortex  of e-mail for hours or even most of the day.  

Then you start researching for the article or story you want to write, but Google or whatever search engine spews out some intriguing links that you absolutely must check out.  Then maybe you start wondering what social  interactions you are missing out of  on Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn or Twitter.  This distraction also eats up your time.  

Then it's time to quit for the day to see about dinner, the kids, the spouse or keep a social engagement.  And not one thing can be crossed off your To-Do  list.  Another day shot, and you are not feeling too good about yourself.  

Does this happen to you?  Are you driven to distractions when you are trying to accomplish set tasks?  And it's even worse if you have adult attention deficit disorder, I can tell you.    Some days it's like sinking into quicksand and nothing happens with your well-intentioned plans and projects.

Well I came across the best free e-book that helps you lessen distractions and even disconnect from them.  It's called Focus Manifesto and it's written by Leo Babauta from Zen Habits.   All 28 chapters won't cost you a thing, although there are books for sale in print and Kindle editions. This book helps you feel that you might have a chance to start finishing the daily tasks you set for yourself.

The book is very thought-provoking.  Babauta talks about the side effects of living in our information age such as creeping fears arising when we aren't updating information and learning about the lastest happening. We feel something bad may happen to us if we don't stay informed.  Anything could happen, right?  Someone may judge you as ill-informed or you could miss an opportunity.

This book is way beyond helping you stop playing solitaire at work and gambling at home.  It's about learning how to slow down, enjoy life and have personal freedom in which to read a book, take a walk, listen to music or go camping for a week without a computer.   It tells you how to not live in your inbox.

The book doesn't insist you disconnect from all distractions at once.  It respects the fact that some distractions are necessary and important.   The goal is to find balance.  There are many suggestions for how to accomplish this; for example, each hour focus on tasks for 40 minutes, then take 20 minutes for distractions.  It sure beats all distractions all the time.

I hope you get as much out of the book as I did.  I was desperate to start accomplishing goals and stop my days and nights of noodling on the computer.

Here are some good newsletters for any kind of writer including those who freelance.

Here's a link for you literary folks. Garrison Keillor of radio's Prairie Home Companion has a daily newsletter called "The Writer's Almanac."   You can subscribe for free here.  Each newsletter begins with a unique, usually clever, poem in print and in audio with the poet reading it.  The rest of the newsletter is the most interesting, compelling facts about whatever authors were born on that day.   I am amazed at his information.  I don't know where he digs it up, but he talks about writers I studied in college as an English major and thought I knew, and comes up with off-the-wall stories that would be good reading about Joe Blow.  Really.  If you love books and writers, don't miss this.

Here's a newsletter for freelance writers that I read and enjoy.   Get it free, The WM Freelance Writing Connection.  It has free e-books on marketing yourself and your writing, job listings, and many other resources.  It's also the only place I've seen where you can get a writing buddy to bounce ideas off and to spur you to keep on keeping on.  You write out what you're looking for in a writing buddy and it's matched up with others' requests.  Cool, huh?

One of the absolute best newsletter you can subscribe to for free is Carol Tice's "Make A Living Writing.  When you subscribe (free) you'll get a free copy of her invaluable e-book, "40 Ways to Market Your Writing."  This is an award winning blog, and it was voted one of the top ten writing blogs of 2010.  Carol writes that she started the blog in 2008 because she was and is passionate about seeing that writers get paid what they're worth.  And she knows what she's talking about.  She shares her unbelievable income from her various writing projects and webinars, and she is raking it in.  The articles are outstanding and always about something you can use.  She recently announced that she felt it was only fair to pay guest hosts $50.  See the blog to apply.

Speaking of freelance writing, it was in "Make A Living Writing" that I learned  of a lucrative freelance market in writing textbook supplements.  The guy who guest hosted shared how much he makes and how to get into it.  Read all about it here.

No hand holding. No coddling. No crap freelance writing jobs. Just serious advice for serious freelance writers — that’s what you’ll get from All Freelance Writing.

All Freelance Writing is a freelance writing blog managed by Jennifer Mattern, a freelance business & PR writer, professional blogger, e-book author, and Web developer.  The "About" section says this: "no hand holding. No coddling. No crap freelance writing jobs. Just serious advice for serious freelance writers — that’s what you’ll get from All Freelance Writing.  

In addition to unique and timely articles that aren't same old same old like you often find in these blogs and newsletters for freelance writers, there are job listings, a forum, and other resources including my favorite, "Freebies."    Here you can get various tools and calculators for figuring out freelance hourly rates, e-book sales conversion, keyword density analysis, free Word Press themes and web templates.  But what I have most appreciated are Jennifer's e-books on how to write an e-book in 14 days, and how to write a press release, which includes free distribution companies' addresses.  Not to be missed.

Another helpful newsletter for writers is "Confident Writing." That's where I heard about "Focus Manifesto."   They usually have some great articles too that are not run-of-the-mill.

There are other writing links under links on this blog.  You can get a free education as well as tools you can use and job opportunities.

The Wrong Kind of Risks: Fiction

I wrote this short story yesterday and it's not bad.  In fact, I'm sort of proud of it.  I wanted to share it with you.  Please leave your honest comments and tell me what you think.  I think you will enjoy it. 

        
 Photo: Archetype: The Shadow, by Jone Reed



  The Wrong Kind of Risks, by Maryellen Grady/MsRefusenik




"Good does not become better by being exaggerated, but worse, and a small evil becomes a big one through being disregarded and repressed. The shadow is very much a part of human nature, and it is only at night that no shadows exist." Carl Jung*





"If only someone had stopped me," Jane wrote in her journal. "What happened is in the dead past and can't be changed, but I can change, and I will," she added.

No one tried to stop Jane from what her shadow self was up to, because no one knew. Her friends she never saw or talked to, co-workers, family, and that was a very small group of people, had no idea.

Jane couldn't remember the first time her shadow self had emerged. It might have started after the break-up of her long engagement, or maybe when she was fired as a mental health counselor and told by Jan, the psychiatrist, that she needed help. Something switched in her. She felt out of it and sort of drugged, when she went from Dr. Jekyll to Mr. Hyde, but she also loved the adrenaline rush, the thrills, and the danger.

She knew from her studies of Carl Gustav Jung in college and since, that a small evil becomes a big one through being disregarded and repressed.

She knew her shadow archetype was running her life, but she didn't have the necessary self-knowledge to make it stop.

Jane had always been a cautious girl, and grown up into a cautious adult. As a child. she refused swimming lessons, rides on Ferris wheels and roller coasters, because she worried she would die. As an adult, she had been at her low-paying, dead-end job for six years before getting fired, ignoring her dream of becoming a writer. Writing was too much of a risk she believed. Other people would judge her writing and find it lacking, her inner critic told her. If she submitted her writing to publications, or sent a query, she would be rejected and she could not face that.

Jane was 31, had a B.S. degree in psychology, and never took risks or chances. She was a woman who owned several umbrellas and used them in the slightest of drizzles. She also wore galoshes to work on days the weather forecaster said there was even a tiny chance of rain. She ate the same seven frozen dinners every week, and was afraid if she altered her diet, her health would suffer. She was attractive but not stunning. She had the same hairstyle she had at 14: Her long copper-colored hair hung long and straight from its part in the middle. She only read New York Times' best sellers, and travel and self-help books along with some biographies and memoirs. She read fiction that had met her standards and values. She avoided authors who drank too much like Hemingway, Faulkner and Fitzgerald. She herself never had more than two drinks at a time. She had given up pot, psychedelics and pills when she was a sophomore in college, after giving into peer pressure freshman year.

She rarely left her comfort zone--her apartment--except to buy groceries, and go to the library or work. She avoided her family, and she didn't believe in socializing with coworkers. She didn't get out to have fun, and mostly forgotten what it was to laugh till your stomach hurt.

Jane wished more than anything she could stop taking admission information from mental patients and make a living writing, but she was so scared of failure. She preferred believing she had a gift for writing, and could write well any time she wished, rather than face failure and be forced to give up that fantasy.

Then one night she slipped into an unlocked car and discovered booty. She loved the thrill of it. She loved the adventure, the danger and the fact that she was actually taking the first major risk in her life.

She started her late night prowling more frequently until she found out she'd made it part of her daily routine. She dressed in pretty much the same outfit everyday: Black jeans, black hoodie sweatshirts in cooler weather and black T-shirts when it was warm. She wore black Keds with black socks, and elbow length black leather gloves to hide her white flesh and prevent fingerprints.

She learned to wear a large backpack and carry a gym bag for all the loot she found in unlocked cars. She was initially amazed by how many people didn't bother locking their cars or turning on their alarms, except for sports cars, luxury cars and SUV's. Although part of her was proud that she never broke into a car by force, she did wish that slim jims worked on the newer cars. She had read up on car alarms and how they were installed, and she always looked for the tiny blinking "courtesy light" showing the alarm was on. A few times she hadn't seen a light, and the alarm sirens went off as soon as she mashed in the door handle with her thumb. She was glad she had on her fast Keds those nights.

After a couple of months of daily night prowling, she started taking more risks. She entered cars parked in private residence driveways and some parked on busy streets. One day she found herself silently opening up a Volvo station wagon door. The Volvo was full of bags, boxes and groceries. She could see paper money on the panel between the front seats. She started to move towards the glove compartment, when she caught herself and asked what the hell she thought she was doing. It was broad daylight, and the car was parked in front of a house. The owner was probably coming to get the stuff out of the car any minute. That incident scared her. Was she cracking up? She wondered.

It was an addiction, she rationalized, and she was powerless to control it. She was addicted to all of the different smells in each car, seeing the various contents of the glove compartment, and checking to see if the trunk was unlocked. She liked to pretend she was invisible. Thinking if she didn't see anyone no one saw her, she moved with confidence, ignoring the lit windows and the cars driving down the streets.

She had grown quite a collection of found sunglasses, filled coin changers for the tollways, flashlights, pens and even maps. She liked to look at them and fantasize where she would move to if she ever felt she was close to getting caught. When that would be, and what would indicate it, she couldn't say.

She also had a nice supply of prescription pills from the glove boxes, and she spent a lot of time looking up the various drugs in the Physicians' Desk Reference she had found in what was probably a doctor's car parked outside a hospital. She was tempted by the codeine, Vicodine, Adderall and a few others. She hoped she wouldn't go back to pill popping. She learned a lot of people must have acid indigestion and reflux. So many medicines for those two things, and Pepcid tabs in every other car. And what was with all that gum, hard candy, Tic-Tacs, breath spray, breath drops and breath mints? The average person must do a lot of kissing, she figured. She left those alone. She hated holding something in her mouth like that.

Before her shadow had had enough of her always cautions ways and refusal to take risks, she had a handful of C.D.'s that she listened to on a little boom box. She had the usual Yanni, Michael Jackson, old John Denver, and Johnny Cash C.D.'s. Now her C.D. collection took up a whole wall in her living room and a large corner of her office. She'd had to buy storage containers for them. She once had been as frugal as her mother. Now when she accidentally brought home duplicates, she just tossed them in the garbage.

Jane had always been on the thin side, now she was wearing a size 2 in jeans and knew she had lost a lot of weight. She just couldn't make herself stop her appointed nightly rounds to go get a bite to eat. Her skin was sort of gray, but she ignored it. She didn't see anyone so no one commented about the changes in her appearance.

She was intrigued by her new behaviors and looked up psychological interpretations online. She was fascinated by Jung's archetypes, and wondered at her own shadow self.

As Christmas approached that year, Jane began to hit a pirate's treasure chest of loot in the cars. Wrapped gifts included things like "Apple® iPad® 2 with Wi-Fi + 3G - 64GB (Verizon Wireless) - Black," according to the box label. She found digital cameras, camcorders, Playstations, and Nintendo Wii players. Her nephews and nieces would love her Christmas presents this year. She had so many cell phones that she stopped taking them. She just couldn't take the risk of trying to sell any of the stuff she found.

Then one freezing cold December night a week before Christmas it happened. She was in the middle of packing up her gym bag with wrapped Christmas presents that covered the entire back seat, when she heard one loud short alarm of a police car. No gumdrop red lights flashing, but the car pulled up and a police officer knocked on the back window and mimed rolling down the window. The cop had appeared so suddenly out of nowhere she couldn't even think about making a run for it.

She rolled down the driver's side window, smiled her best practiced smile and said, "Yes officer, what can I do for you? How's it going?"

"It's kind of late to be out here by yourself, Ma'am. Is everything okay?"

"Oh fine. I was just getting ready to sneak some Christmas presents into my house while my husband and kids are sleeping."

"I'm sorry, Ma'am, I hear what you're saying, but I still need to see your license and registration."

"Please Cosmo, the Universe, or a Higher Power of any kind, let there be a registration in the glove box," she prayed. Her former good deeds must have brought her good karma because there it was.

"Here's my registration, Officer, but I didn't bring my purse with my license, since I was only going to my own driveway. I wasn't driving any place."

Now she felt currents of sweat dripping down her arm and onto her breasts. She hoped he couldn't hear how loud her heart was pounding.

"Okay, then, I'll let it go. It's Christmas. Do you need some help bringing in the gifts?"

"No, I'm fine. Two people might create noise and wake up my babies. They all still believe in Santa. I really don't want them to see me with these gifts."

"Sure. I'll let you get back to work. Please get back in your house and off the streets as quick as you can."

"I will, Officer."

He hadn't driven off the side-street she was on, when she went back to stuffing mystery gifts into her backpack, gym bag, and a new black duffel bag she had found in somebody's car. Then slowly, calmly and quietly she opened and closed the car door without a sound--something she had learned to do with practice.

That morning she looked online for more about Jung's Shadow Archetype. She read this by Jung:


Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. If an inferiority is conscious, one always has a chance to correct it. Furthermore, it is constantly in contact with other interests, so that it is continually subjected to modifications. But if it is repressed and isolated from consciousness, it never gets corrected.**

She was glad her consciousness was very aware of her shadow. She may have repressed this knowledge at first, but now she accepted it. She wondered if she got into her shadow because of repressing risk taking. Perhaps she had a need to take risks that she denied, and it had gone to the shadow self to see that those urges were fulfilled.

Two nights later she hit the parking lot at the train depot. She figured the cops patrolled it, but told herself she would be careful. She saw a newer red Buick LaCrosse and no little lights were blinking on the dash. She carefully pushed in the door handle and no alarms when off.

The Buick's glove compartment held her third money bag of some business's undeposited money and checks for the night. People were so busy at Christmas time they must not take ten minutes to go to the bank she thought. She didn't see much else, not even any C.D.'s, and she scooted back to the driver's door to go looking for more money bags.

Suddenly she saw a car with its brights on headed down the row of cars she was in. She did her best to duck under the dashboard, being grateful she was only 5'2" or there would be no way. It was one tight squeeze. A flashlight beam ran across the back seat of the car and moved forward to the front. She tried not to move and didn't dare scratch the itch on her nose. She waited for the cop to leave.

The bright beam of the flashlight then hit her in the eyes. She'd been spotted. She was going to be caught red-handed. Those money bags would give her away as soon as she was searched. There'd be no lying and pretending tonight.

"Come out with your hands up," yelled a woman. Now Jane could see the police uniform and the squad. The cop pushed her against the side of the car and demanded that she spread her legs. She searched Jane thoroughly and patted her down after first asking if she was carrying any weapons, a question which Jane couldn't even believe a person like herself would ever be asked.

Jane didn't use the shallow pockets of her jeans for anything but a little change. Clean sweep of her clothing and body. She waited.

"You want to tell me what you were doing in there hiding?," the cop snarled. She was chewing and popping gum loudly. She had short, helmet-style dyed black hair pressed to her head beneath her hat. She must have weighed over 200 pounds. This was one big woman.

"Officer, a man followed me from Nick's Cave down the street. He started screaming at me to come to him. I ran like hell and jumped into the first car I saw and hid."

"You know you're still trespassing on private property no matter what your excuse is? Are those your duffel bags?"

"No, Officer. They were here."

"Well you're wearing the backpack so I know that's yours. Do I have your permission to search it?"

"I'd really rather you not go through my private belongings. There are some personal things in it," Jane managed.

"I can get a warrant if you want to play it that way, but I'll have to take you in and lock you up while I fill out the forms and make the phone calls."

"That won't be necessary," Jane said in her most polite, friendly customer service voice that she used to use on the mental patients. "Here. It's mostly Christmas presents I picked up earlier."

Jane saw her hand's shaking as she handed over the backpack. She hoped the cop hadn't noticed.

"What's your name?" The cop was pulling things out of the backpack.

"Cindy Sue Helper," Jane said, and had to wonder where in hell that name came from.

"These are some expensive Christmas presents--electronics, stacks of C.D.'s, some without cases, and these. She held up the three money bags. These are from three different businesses. Are they your businesses?"

"No, Ma'am. I work for those three businesses, and it's my job to put the day's receipts in the bank."

"What's the names of the businesses, since you work there?"

It was over Jane realized. She hadn't looked and didn't have a clue. She hadn't seen anything but the 20, 50 and 100 dollar bills.

"I am bringing you in on charges of suspicious behavior and car burglary--a felony--by the way. What other crimes have you committed? What will I find on your record?"

"Nothing except a ticket for going through a red light. It was an accident."

She read Jane her rights and handcuffed her. She pushed her by the neck and shoulders to walk to the squad car and get in the back seat behind the steel gate that separated it from where the police sat.

She was terrified. A felony? Shit and goddamn! Didn't you have to commit a misdemeanor first? She couldn't believe this happening to her, Jane Ulrich, cautious, law-abiding Jane for most of her life.

They put her in a cell by herself. She heard male prisoners hooting and hollering at her. She really wasn't in the mood, and hoped they shut up soon.

After an hour or so, a different cop, a gruff male one, came and told her she could make her one phone call now.

She had no one to call. For sure she wasn't calling her mother, sister or brother that lived in the City, or any former coworker. She was so desperate she even considered calling her ex-fiancee for a minute. Finally, she asked to see a phone book.

After wasting $1.00 calling "24-hour" help-lines at two legal aid places and getting recordings, she got a human being. She told the woman her story, and asked if she could help. The woman told her that she would bypass the waiting list since she was arrested and in jail. Someone would be there to represent her later that day.

The lawyer, who didn't show up until after Jane's brief court hearing, told her that since she didn't get probation, and she had no one to pay her $10,000 bond or $1,000 cash, she would probably be sent to Cook County Jail soon. She also learned her new court date wasn't for ten days. She started re-thinking calling her mother.

She finally decided not to upset her mother, and to call her brother. She begged the cop that came to her cell bringing breakfast to make one more phone call. He finally relented, saying it was almost Christmas.

Bill was cold as Frosty the Snowman as soon as he knew who had called. She spit out her plight, condensing it as she told it. She boiled it down to the $1,000 bond, and Bill told her absolutely not. He didn't even have $1,000 he claimed. He'd just paid for his new car in cash, and he was out of "mad money." He chuckled at something, what it was, Jane had no idea. "Sadistic S.O.B." she muttered into the phone, but did not repeat it when he asked what she had said. He abruptly hung up on her without saying goodbye. "Rich f'n bastard" she told the desk phone now back in its cradle.

She spent ten of the worst days of her life locked up in Cook County Jail. She felt like she could write a book about the cruelties, injustices and general horrible and demeaning treatment inflicted on her.

Her lawyer, looking even younger and more wet behind the ears to her, met her in the room outside the court room, where she sat handcuffed to a folding chair. He told her there was a plea bargain on the table and that she should take it. If she didn't accept it, she was looking at the possibility of doing three years in Dwight Women's Prison.

Jane knew that prison had to be worse than jail, and she didn't think she could handle it. She decided to have the word "felon" behind her name on her records for the rest of her life. Now she had to work for herself. She was sure no one would hire her after a background check.

After a few weeks of being home, she began writing about her jail experience. She told the whole story including details about what she had done to get put in there. She revised it and polished it many times, and sent it off to three magazines. "Reader's Digest" bought it. They planned to use it as a deterrent for boys and girls who were considering committing crimes.

Jane framed her first check and kept on writing. She set up a writer's website and began marketing herself as a freelance writer. Soon she was making enough to comfortably support herself.

She was fearlessly taking risks--healthy risks. She was doing what she loved. She didn't catch her shadow side lurking in the background any longer. Everyday she was grateful for this second chance and for the opportunity to follow her bliss.



*"A Psychological Approach to the Dogma of the Trinity" (1942) In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.286

**"Psychology and Religion" (1938). In CW 11: Psychology and Religion: West and East. P.131

Author Notes "The Shadow Archetype of Carl Gustov Jung: The shadow is an archetypal form that serves as the focus for material that has been repressed from consciousness; its contents include those tendencies desires and memories that are rejected by the individual as incompatible with the persona and contrary to social standards and ideals. The shadow contains all the negative tendencies the individual wishes to deny, including our animal instincts, as well as undeveloped positive and negative qualities. The stronger our persona is and the more we identify with it, the more we deny other parts of ourselves. The shadow represents what we consider to be inferior in our personality and also that which we have neglected and never developed in ourselves. In dreams, a shadow figure may appear as an animal, a dwarf, a vagrant, or any other low-status figure. The shadow is most dangerous when unrecognized. Then the individual tends to project his or her unwanted qualities onto others or to become dominated by the shadow without realizing it. Images of evil, the devil and the concept of original sin are all aspects of the shadow archetype. The more the shadow material is made conscious, the less it can dominate. But the shadow is an integral part of our nature, and it can never be simply eliminated. A person who claims to be without a shadow is not a complete individual but a two-dimensional caricature, denying the mixture of good and evil that is necessarily present in all of us."*** ***"Transpersonal Pioneers: Carl Jung, the Shadow," Institute for Transpersonal Psychology, Palo Alto, CA http://www.itp.edu/about/carl_jung.php

Pays one point and 32 member cents.

I Want To Go On A Retreat, Do You?

   By gurdonark -  Robert Nunnally
Creative Commons Share License
http://www.flickr.com/photos/46183897@N00/with/244845125/

Let's call this unnamed photo the quiet purple trail.  I wish it showed a lake or ocean beach too, and then it would be a perfect place to have a camp out retreat.

I have had it on my list of goals for a year to go on a spiritual and/or writing retreat.  So many that I have found in my searches are just too far or too expensive.  Then today I picked up a catalog that was sitting in my unread mail for weeks.  It's for R&R or spiritual or yoga or whatever kind of retreat you want at The Omega Institute in the Hudson Valley, New York.  Sign up and get a catalog because there are workshops, courses and events that you will be excited about if you're at all interested in spiritual growth, mindfulness, learning more about writing, creativity, yoga, chanting, comedy improv, songwriting, raw foods & healing herbs and so much more.  The tuition for these runs about $250-$425.  You can save money by commuting and not staying at the beautiful 90 acre community built with a lake on it for swimming.  Without courses, workshops or accommodations, the R&R retreats are only $25/day for weekdays and $38/day for weekends.

One of my favorite writers gave a workshop in May.  Julia Cameron, "The Artist's Way, was there.  There's a women's wellness retreat August 14-19, 2011.  it runs $425.

They do offer partial and full scholarships, but except for women with breast cancer or survivors of the disease, most are gone this time of year.  The scholarships and the seasonal jobs which offer free courses, yoga, open workshops, the lake, a library and more start going in February.  You get free room and board, three vegetarian meals a day, a small stipend and other perks.  If you can do office work, wash dishes or cook, be a lifeguard and similiar seasonal jobs, you have a good chance to spend your summer there at no cost to you.

For more suggestions, try "Retreat Finder." Retreats are listed both by state and region of the U.S.  Some are very reasonable too.  They run the gamut from solo silent retreats to writing, arts and spa retreats.

Or you can always search for a retreat coach, rent a facility, and have your own retreat.

I hope I get to go to one soon.  I need to be rejuvenated and tuned into that still, small voice.  I want to get away from all the distractions and live in nature somewhere, preferably near a lake.